how many kids?

mon.petit.chou

(something I was thinking about based on a post on MM today)

Do you know how many kids you want? Are you and DH in agreement? If you already have kids, did you agree before you had any/before you were married?

DH and I don't agree on how many we want. And whenever I think about that fact, I imagine a group of nesties coming to my house with torches (literally) and flaming me for not having figured that out in counseling before we got married. I figure it's a we'll cross that bridge when we get to it kind of thing. Plus, could we really know how many we want before we've even had any? I'm guessing we'll both have entirely new opinions on the subject once we actually have one. And finally, it doesn't seem like it's worth debating the subject until we agree on a number when you never even know how long or difficult the process of getting pregnant will be. etc. etc. etc.

Thoughts? 

Mrs_W_Pookie

DH and I have both agreed that we are done after this one is born, regardless of whether or not we have another girl (and therefore no boy to carry on the last name).  I did casually ask if we had another girl if he would want to try for a boy and he said no.

I don't think it's flame-worthy that you did not figure out in premarital counseling how many children you both wanted. You could think you want three, have one and decide that you are done.  I think it really depends on how you both adjust to how life changes after you have just one.

TheyCallMeLiz

With my son being 13, that decision is becoming harder and harder to make (even though Im clearly still young enough to have kids). BF and I have talked about it and I think if the stars were aligned, we'd both be open to having a child. Now, having more than 1? I dont know for sure. What I DO know is if we do decide to have more than 1, they will be very close in age, because im not waiting agin.

mon.petit.chou

FWIW, I waver between wanting 1 or 4.  DH wants at least 2, maaaybe 3 max.

I realize I'm the one who sounds ridiculous here. And I'm asserting my right not to have to decide yet He thinks I'm crazy, of course. 

Soon2BMrsSikes

Dh and I both only want 1. We agreed before E was born, and now that he's here, we still agree. 

luckyinlove11902

We've both always said 2, possibly adopting a 3rd. In the last year or so one of us will bring up the idea of a larger family (4 or 5) but we both completely agree that finances would play a huge role in having that many kids. We like the idea but are aware that the reality will probably not work out. Considering DH is still in school and it will be a few more years before we start TTC, I'm pretty sure we'll go with our original plan.

jodippls

We both agree that we want 2. That could change depending how we feel once we have one. 

LXLX

I don't think that's flameful, but H and I have gone back and forth about being on the same page about having kids at all soooooo...

We're finally on the same page with one though (yay!). We say just one now, but who knows. I'm not going to totally close the door to the possibility because that seems short-sighted.

I can't imagine we would ever consider having more than two though. But again... who knows.

I think as long as you're on the same page about having kids at all then start with the one and go from there and don't worry about a final number of x kids until you need to.

Madisen

DH and I have always been on the same page luckily.  We were between 0 and 1, maybe 2 for the longest time.  Then both decided at least one.  Next we weren't sure about a second, but here we are. 

I guess because neither of us really had this strong attachment to any number, we were flexible in life and with each other. 

jacmdb

We go back and forth between 1 and 2. When we thought the only way I could get pregnant was through IVF it was only one unless we got pregnant with multiples of course. After I got pregnant without treatment DH asked if we were going to have more than one. I know he wants another but I am still undecided. I am not sure I want to go through trying to get pregnant again. Plus daycare is freaking expensive.

Kristin&Kelly09

I wanted 3 and DH wanted 1.  We agreed on 2 but not sure when we will start trying for that 2nd one.

jenhappy

I want two or three.. DH has thought for a while that he was too old, but I think if we hurry up and move that we will have at least one.

Martiza

I want 3 or 4. DH wants 3. We have a mutual understanding that the number is not concrete. If all of our children acted like Luke, we would have numerous. I feel like one horrible pregnancy and we are DONE.

chinchilla fiesta

We're pretty much on the same page with 2.  DH goes back and forth a little bit with it.  We've got a while to wait though since I just started a new job and won't be eligible for FMLA for 1 year.

Soon2BMrsSikes

jenhappy:

I want two or three.. DH has thought for a while that he was too old, but I think if we hurry up and move that we will have at least one.

Jen, DH's age was a big reason we had E now. If I had married someone my age, I may have waited another couple of years. 

PantsOffDanceOff

I would like at least 2 kids one day. Kind of hard to think about that right now though since the only guys I meet are douchebags and I'm not even ready for another relationship yet, much less marriage and children.