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Feeling calm, letting go.
So I know I've been dramatic lately, well it's in my nature after all being a gemini ha. I think I'm just acting out because I've been so frustrated. Anyway, a little positive update on me:
It's been 3 weeks since I've cut or had the urge to cut myself. My scars are healing, and even though crap with STBXH hit the fan last week and every time he speaks to me or at me I'm triggered, I didn't do it. I'm very proud of myself.
After the penis incident, I blocked STBXH's number so he couldn't call me, but he called my mother instead, so I had to call him to get down to business. I called and calmly told him if he ever speaks to anyone in my family ever again, I will put a restraining order on him for harassment. I have already placed a court order on him and his family to not contact me or mine, but it was lifted because my one dog was very sick and I needed to be contacted if STBXH needed help with her. He threw some cockandbull story about how I call him and beg for him to take me back, and I was just numb to him. I told him to never speak to me again, and haven't talked to him since and I have no plans on ever speaking to him again. This is the first time in four years that I have been able to stand up to this man. I feel so good.
I got the final paperwork for the divorce notarized and affidavits signed and sent out. Now it's just waiting until everything is done with the courts. Hopefully it'll be very very soon.
I have been applying for jobs that pay better than what I'm making now. I have some prospects a few states away where my BF's family lives with 10k+ a year increases. I've been speaking with their state's civil service commission on getting a state job with them, since I already work on state level where I am now.
I haven't been drinking at all. Unfortunately I gained 5 lbs because I've been eating like a mofo, but it's because I'm finally not stressed to the point of vomiting all the time. My stomach stopped bleeding, and I'm working on getting healthy. I still have mondo trouble sleeping unless I smoke some pot, but I'm working on that. I've been smoking less and less.
BF and I have been in our own worlds, taking much needed space. This past weekend I went with him to see his brother a few states away, though because we haven't been spending much time together and we had a blast. It was nice and loving and just great to spend time with him and his family. This weekend I realized that I am head over heels in love with BF and I would really like to take a slow journey with him to a future and a life. He is being super supportive of my issues and my recovery, and he wants to go to a few of my therapy sessions with me.
I've just been feeling really calm lately. I'm letting go of the crap in my past because I can't change it and I'm slowly realizing that because I was hurt by one person, not everyone is going to hurt me like he did. I have a hard time trusting, but I'm getting closer to that.
I've just been feeling alright finally.
Re: Feeling calm, letting go.