Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Don't know how to let go
My husband moved some of his stuff out right after Christmas. We've been having problems and I admit I wasn't the best wife and him leaving has made me realize that and made me realize I do love him and I don't want our marriage to end. I'm hoping there is still a chance for us to work this out. I've been texting him almost daily and he rarely answers so starting today I'm going to try to give him some space. Maybe he needs time to see if he feels the same way. I just can't imagine my life without him. I don't know how I'll be able to let it go. My heart is already breaking. Were any of you in my shoes where you were the one that didn't want it to end?
Re: Don't know how to let go
Why weren't you the best wife?
Also, what makes you want him back now?
I was sort of in your shoes. He left out of the blue when I thought everything was good and we could finally start something great (he was done with school so we had more freedom and options).
Give him some space. No more contact. Take care of yourself. This is the most important thing. Keep in mind you won't be able to change his mind. He might come back or he might not. You have no control over this. But you do have control over your actions. Be selfish and be prepared. Now this is about you, not about him anymore. Don't be a "victim" and don't act like one. Your future and happiness doesn't depend on whether or nor he'll be with you. It might be hard to understand but trust me it's true.
It will take some time to let go and get over all the emotions. But that's OK. Take your time. Cry, be angry if you need to but don't ignore the little voice telling you that in the end, you'll be OK.
Seems like the best you can do is accept his space right now and focus on working on yourself and what was at the core of the reasons you were nagging him. There was obviously something there that didn't sit well with you, so don't put all the blame on yourself. Take some time to figure it out.
He's being mature about it. He can't come home today and you can't tell him that you've changed. It's been too soon. It takes months if not years to break habits (if ever) so you two would be kidding yourselves if you hopped right back in.
IMO maybe you could journal some instances where you found yourself nagging a lot and look back and what caused you to nag. It may be helpful for you to see it in writing that maybe you aren't ok with him working late.. or..maybe you should have backed off when he was just trying to finish that project, or whatever.
Good luck!
I'm going to keep it real.
Secondly, stop texting your H. He's not responding because he doesn't want to hear from you. If you want things to work out, being clingy and seeming needy are surefire ways for that not to happen. Even though everything isn't ok right now, put on a brave face and take it one day at a time. If I had to predict, your H is already over your marriage. He has no intentions of coming back -- he's just telling you thing things that he is so he can "ease" you into this whole process. I don't know of anyone (man or woman) who has left their spouse and then gone back and lived happily ever after. Your H has been feeling this way for quite some time, he's just now taking actions on it.
Do you have any reason to suspect there may be someone else?
Thank you.
Any chance this all happened after he found inappropriate texts between you and your ex? Has he deleted any trace of your relationship from his FB page and subsequently moved on and slept with other women?
Just curious.
I really don't mean to scare you, but in my circumstance I found out there was someone else. My ex told me that he needed space. Long story short we have a child together who was only 1.5 years old at the time. I could sense for weeks that something was very wrong and I could feel him pull away from me. So I decided that I wasn't going to sit around while he was off taking a break from our family. I told him either you're in or you're out there is no inbetween and he told me that the only thing he cared about was our son.
That was all I needed to hear. I moved out the next day and filed for primary custody of my son. I had him served at work because he didn't tell me where he was staying during his "break".
I found out from friends that he was out in public with his younger coworker a week after I moved out. It has been 5 months and he is in a very serious relationship with her. Her and her son come with him every other weekend when he picks up our son. It is very clear to me that this other woman was the catalyst for him leaving me.
It has been the most difficult time of my life but time really does ease the pain. I definitely feel a lot better than I did 5 months ago.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I hope things turn out good for you. Now that I have some distance from my ex I am starting to see/accept that he wasn't right for me.
I could've written this word for word. I noticed my XH being very, very distant so one night I flat out asked him if he loved me anymore. When he paused before answering, I knew I had my answer.
Long story short, my XH is still dating the same woman he went to the bar with one night the first weekend into our separation (before he even moved out!!) I had a bad feeling about her several months prior, and turns out my gut instinct was dead on.
I wish them a lifetime of happiness together :::snickering:::
No, I have no ex.
Can you give some examples? It seems like it'd be hard to have a relationship with someone who was purposely doing things knowing you didn't agree with them.
Yep, I never liked this coworker and it was obvious to me that they had a flirtation going on for about two years (more than half of our relationship). It was also obvious to everyone they worked with. Several of their coworkers told me after everything went down that rumors about the two of them had been going on for several months.
It's amazing to me how much we can know just by our gut feelings/instincts.
Your post is awfully similar to one that was just DD'd from TIP. The details are slightly different, but the overall facts are similar.
It sounds like the man needs some space. Back off a bit. Look into why you are so naggy and why you need to have control over every little thing.
I agree with this. I think it would be best if you went to therapy and worked on yourself for YOU. If you really want to change, do it for yourself, NOT to get him back.
I assure you I did not have a post on TIP. This is my first post about this and it took some courage just to post it today. I'm not very open with my personal life.
You have all brought up some good points and some things I need to think about. Some I already knew and it hurt to hear coming from someone else. At this point I honestly don't know if there is someone else. I mean, just a few weeks before he left he was still saying I love you. I guess what he needs to figure out is if he is still in love with me. I keep trying to tell myself if it's meant to be and he really loves me he'll come back. If not, it wasn't meant to be and I'm probably better off, right? It just hurts though like nothing I've ever felt before.
I would just hold on to that. Don't create stories that you don't know to be true. It's only going to complicate things and make you react to the situation instead of taking the time to focus on yourself, and healing you.
I would work hard on shifting your focus from him and what's he saying/doing or not saying/doing for that matter, and really focus on yourself and the things you want and need in your life and how you handle situations with a partner. You can only learn and grow from this so it's beneficial to you whether you two end up together again or not.