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What, in your opinion, is the best way to raise children?
Everyone has different experiences to base their opinion on so please be open!
Do you think children have a better childhood/grow up to be the best they can be in a home where both parents are working average-long hours but making a very successful living that provides a great nanny, private schooling, frequent over seas trips, a wonderful home with lots of property to play outside (horses, dirt bikes, etc.) and plenty of financial support (IE-college tuition to any school, study abroad, tuition for further studies, etc.)?
Or do you think children have a better childhood/grow up to be the best they can be in a home where one parent works and makes a very good living while one parent is a full time parent. In this case life is still comfortable-cute home with some property, most sports/extracurriculars can be supported financially (IE horses but nothing extravagant), minimal vacations aside from beach trips or a rare "big trip", private school is still feasible but tight, college is funded but to a certain cap.
Of course there are many variables that can apply but for the sake of this question assume the parents are wonderful with their children. The stay-at-home parent is extremely nurturing as are the two working parents only they just see the kids for a couple hours in the evening at the end of a long day. The "nanny" is great as far as they go.
Re: What, in your opinion, is the best way to raise children?
So what are you trying to say here?
We grew up in a one parent home due to death of a father when we were very young kids. All was fine -- we both got college and completely paid for by our mother. we were by no means rich.
And I know of another case where both parents work and one parent works a night shift so he has plenty of time for the kids all day; he purposely took a night shift job just so he could devote his off time to the kids.
You sound materialistic as hell. You know it?
Every family is different. What is best for one family may not be best for another.
I'm not a parent so take this with a grain of salt. Or a bucket.
I don't think there is a "best" way to raise children that focuses on the financial or superficial. Sure money helps, I'm not saying it's not important, but working on the belief that a parent's job is to raise a child that will become a useful, healthy, productive member of society, I don't see how money necessarily ties in. I think that installing goals, values, ideals and beliefs are much more important, and if the parents can do that in a couple of hours per night, that's great. If the nanny can do that, that's great. If the SAH parent can do that, that's great.
Children are different and each one responds to nurturing in different ways. There is no cookie cutter recipe that creates the "best" children. It's being able to see how things are working throughout the child's development and "adjusting the curriculum" accordingly that makes the better parent.
YMMV.
I look forward to reading other replies to this thread.
It's not meant to sound materialistic at all. And like I said I know there are so many other variables and ways to grow up/raise children that don't fall into those two categories and kids turn into wonderful people coming from all backgrounds. I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I'm really just trying to analyze scenarios and interested in hearing feedback.
The OP is very heavily focused on the material. while I feel I've lived a reasonably comfortable life, I definitely didn't grow up in either of those scenario's!
I think what matters the most is love and patience and giving your child an environment where they feel safe and secure. Money does matter to some degree, but you can be rich and throw tons of $$ at your child, but not provide love and patience, and you're kid will grow up w/ issues.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I genuinely tried to read this w/ your intention behind it, but really, your choices are "You both work and are rich and can afford the life of luxury while ALSO being really awesome parents", or "One of you stays home, but your still pretty rich and you're both still awesome parents" - which one is best?
I think to most of us here, both of these options are just so far from our own experiences, it's hard to answer seriously.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Stay at home parent. I used that wording because it seemed to relate best (full time career: full time parent) but I do know a parent is always parenting whether at work or at home.
Stay at home parent. I used that wording because it seemed to relate best (full time career: full time parent) but I do know a parent is always parenting whether at work or at home.
This.
I don't think you can sum it up to both parents work = A LOT of money, the child gets anything/everything they want vs 1 parent works & one is a stay-at-home parent = child does with less.
I know people who make a lot more than DH & I both combined with just 1 working parent.
I agree with the PPs that there are a lot of other factors involved but I do have an opinion - I think the first scenario sounds preferable to me. I see the words "feasible but tight" and that sends up a red flag for me. Anytime money is tight to those involved - whether or not the rest of us think it is - there will be added stress and this will affect the kids and parents. If you aren't satisfied with your life as a parent (and it sounds like the 2nd scenario is a compromise for you) I think this will create an issue.
I'm not a parent myself of course. Just my opinion. I know others will disagree. I don't consider myself super materialistic but I like to have a financial cushion so I don't have to worry.
There is no best way.
It is like a game of cards. you play the hand you were dealt. Hopefully we play it the best we can.
This. I knew a few kids who grew up with a lot of money and got everything they wanted and are shiity adults because of it. Money /=/ happiness.
Thanks for all the thoughtful replies-I just find it interesting to see how people feel about it all.
I most definitely agree that money does not buy happiness. I know people who came from a lot of money who are miserable and I also know people from that background who are wonderful, thoughtfult, hard-working, and loved by many. Same goes for people I know who don't come from money. I think that alone proves it's 100% about the parenting (or lack there of).
I agree with another comment that saving for large expenditures builds character. BUT if you don't have to stress financially about the things one finds necessary (may it be a private education, 1-2 reliable cars, comfortable property/home, etc.-differs for everyone) yet still DO have to save/prioritize for things such as a European trip, refurbishing rooms, a new luxury car, and so on ("lavish extras")-does this correlate to a happier home?
(I'm really just probing here.)
My husband is a teacher in a private school and works in a nearby 'extremely affluent' area. The kids come from very wealthy families.
The kids are no different to kids in public schools. They have the same issues making friends. The same issues with discipline. There is still a wide range of personalities. There are still kids with behavior problems. There are still kids who aren't that smart.
What I'm trying to say is, it really doesn't matter how much money the kids family has. It doesn't matter if there is a wonderful full time nanny or a parent at home all day.
All families are unique. All children need a different type of upbringing. Some kids do better in private schools, some do better in public schools. Foreign holidays are great, but don't necessarily make kids who get them any smarter than kids who don't.You can have both unhappy and happy kids in a wealthy upbringing just as you can in a poor upbringing.
Luxury cars IMHO really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. They are there to get from point A to B. I'm not sure why that's even included in your question tbh.
I'm hoping this is a hypothetical question for a paper or something, and not a genuine question that relates to your life, because as PP have said, the way the questions are worded and the things included show that you don't really understand what is important in parenting. If you are a good parent, European holidays and cars shouldn't matter in the 'upbringing and happiness' of your kids.
Whether you can afford to send your kid to a private school or to riding lessons doesn't make you a better parent!
Having 2 parents who love each other, and who both love the child and work hard to provide for the child's basic needs, while at the same time helping to teach them how to be a responsible adult, is the ideal situation. If that means both parents work full time and the kid goes to a daycare or one parent stays home and works from home, or they work opposite shifts, or whatever combination there is that you didn't state, all that matters is that they do what is in the best interest of the child.
I'm sure most families would LOVE to be able to take their children on holidays to Europe, but it's not always feasible and/or something the child would enjoy.
You can be a good parent and not go on expensive trips!
I grew up in a home where my dad worked full time, my mom had some part time jobs once we started school, and then she ran a home daycare, up until she died. My parents were hardworking people and they tried to provide the best for us. They valued education and instilled in us a love of reading, and taught us how to be good hard working people. We didn't always have a lot growing up. Hand me down clothes were the norm, and sometimes we had to get food from the food bank, but all of those things helped shape who we are, and as hard as it was at times, I wouldn't change anything about how I was raised!
I'm reading this as the choice between having your cake and having your cake and eating it too. You are equating "stuff" with good parenting. You say you don't mean to do that, but that is what your posts are all about and you are missing the point that everyone else is trying to make. The two scenarios you present are irrelevant in terms of the "best way to raise children." While being able to afford the necessities and even the luxuries is nice, it is still irrelevant.
I am a teacher in a small city public high school. I've seen it all, well most of it. I can assure you that no one cares about money when it comes to raising your children. There is absolutely no correlation. Parents can spoil their children in many ways, not just with money. Children can learn to be responsible adults who work hard for what they earn and they can learn it from parents who are making 7 figures a year (and get to have the trips to Europe) or parents who are at the povery level and have never been to the other side of town.
What is your real question?
My parents both worked. My mom went down to part time until each of my sisters and I were in first grade but other than that worked full time same as my dad. My sisters and I went to an in home childcare. The woman who took care of us was like a second mom and we still go see her a few times a year.
Just because this worked for my family growing up doesn't mean it'll work for another family though.
My opinion - children are best raised with love. If either situation involves children who are neglected by their parents then those are not the best way to go (in my opinion). Kids can have all the stuff in the world and they will still want their parents love and involvement.
I taught for six years in two well-to-do school districts. Many of my students had all the stuff you described and were miserable. Students with much less stuff, but involved parents were happier.
A nanny, while loving, is not a parent.
I think it's best to raise children in a home full of love and respect.
Obviously financial security is preferable but it's never a guarantee, you just never know what could happen. We saw a lot of very wealthy families suffer over these last few years, thanks to the economy tanking. As far as SAHM, nannies, day care, 2 Moms, 2 Dads, public vs. private school, whatever - it would be pretty narrow minded to think there was a one-sized fits all solution.
I don't actually know anybody who grew up in a scenario sounding even remotely close to either one you described, yet I know several people who grew up to be valuable members of society. Money does not make you a better parent. Sure, it helps with a lot of things, but you can still grow up in a loving environment and have a very happy, fulfilling childhood without horses, nannies and trips to Europe.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
The amount of "stuff" property horses or WHATEVER, makes no difference in how the kids will turn out. Parenting is what decides how kids turn out. I know kids who had everything handed to them and wasted their lives with drugs and went no where. I know kids who grew up with nothing, not even a pony (!), but made something of themselves, took out student loans to pay for their educations, and are doing very well.