Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
S/O Emotionally Checked Out
What would you do if you began to doubt that you loved your husband?
Re: S/O Emotionally Checked Out
Find a personal counselor.
What is making you doubt you love him?
I just don't feel it anymore like I used to. Sex isn't the same. I wonder constantly what it would be like to be married to someone else.
I still love doing things with him, but our conversation is lagging. We rarely spend time just the two of us, which I think he prefers.
I don't want a divorce. I want to love him and be happy with him. We have a two-year-old. I feel like we were married too fast (we've been married for 3 years) and are jumping into way too many things.
You sound confused, counseling will help with this. Also, you have a 2 year old, I don't have kids, but I hear that's a hard age. I wouldn't do anything rash right now.
Does your H have any idea you're feeling this way?
I would recommend counseling. A lot of this might be the fact that you were not married long before you had a child, so the marriage might be a little different than it was at first. If I were you, I wouldn't do anything rash until you identified the source of your feelings.
I have felt for a long time that I didn't love my husband, and I was planning to do exactly nothing about it. However, I found out that he had an affair, which is a deal breaker for me, so now I am in counseling to sort out the hot mess that has become my feelings regarding my marriage and plan eventually to divorce him.
I think counseling would be beneficial to you in that it would give you a chance to examine your feelings with the help of a neutral third party. And if it turns out you don't love your husband, your therapist can help you explore what you want to do about it.
You said you don't want to get a divorce. It sounds like you guys need to slow down. Getting married and having a baby within a year must be very stressful!
I agree with others about the counseling to sort out what you are feeing. Have you spoken with your hubby? Is your hubby feeling the same? It seems you may be a bit overwhelmed.
Marriage isn't supposed to be the same after 3 years, and it certainly isn't supposed to be the same with a 2-year-old.
We don't have kids yet, but when I feel like we are starting to drift apart, I make a point to be proactive about planning time for us to do things together that will give us the opportunity to feel close again. I realize this will be harder with a 2-year-old, but it's also that much more important. If you aren't already getting a babysitter for a weekly date night, I think your money would be better spent on that than on counseling.
Counseling can help you sort some of this out. A lot has changed for you very quickly. You got married and had a child in short order - both great things, but both major life changes. Now you have a toddler - again, a good thing but a major life change, and toddlers can be tough.
Does your H have any idea you are feeling this way? Are the two of you able to make time for each other sans toddler at all? I'm not saying I'm 100% sure you can save your marriage, but I also don't think you need to cut bait yet. It's very possible you're struggling due to all the changes in life and you haven't figured out how to adapt to your new normal yet. Again, I definitely think personal counseling is where you should start!
i tried sitting down and talking with him about how i felt, the things that were wrong, things that i felt he needed to work on, things he felt i needed to work on.
i hated sleeping with him, i was happy away from him. i knew i didn't love him, but i felt an obligation because i did make a committment.
once i finally realized that "I can NOT do this for the rest of my life, because I am miserable" i left. I had been emotionally checked out for most of my marriage, deployment didn't help and in fact i wanted to stay in Iraq. i had no desire to come home.
i finally got the courage to just end it, when i met someone who showed me there is more out there and i saw 2 of my friends, who had been together for 20+ years and how in love they are and how they are around each other.
being alone would have been 100 times better than staying married, it just worked out that Mr Right was not a long time coming.