Trouble in Paradise
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For safekeeping- FMIL issues
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Supermom20...
Joined on 01-09-2012
737 Points
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future mother in law issues?
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ok so my future mother in law cant stand me. she stomachs me and has always talked down about me to the point of calling me really nasty names in the almost 3 years me and her son have been together. its even to the point where she claims our son is not her grandchild and doesnt ever want to meet him or be around me or her grandchild. she just turned 40 and she acts and dresses like a teenager and cant understand how her son could ever choose someone like me. im not the bad honestly. i may not be the girl that she wants for him but im what he wants. hes stood up to her before but i dont want to say anything to her because shes already threaten to have me locked up for issues which have never really happened. i dont know what to do about her. and its honestly only her on his side of the family thats doesnt like me. everyone else thinks of me as a doll because when i come over i help clean house and i bake and cook and i actually socialize and dont dress like a tramp. forgive my language. but shes really driving me crazy. every time she sees me she makes snide comments about my looks or my attitude or just something down right mean and uppity. any suggestions on what to do? |
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stw_77
Joined on 01-14-2003
16,189 Points
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You don't have to be around her.
How has your husband stood up for you ? Has he ever given her any real consequences for her bad behavior ?
Do you live with her now ? |
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Supermom20...
Joined on 01-09-2012
737 Points
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 stw_77:
You don't have to be around her.
How has your husband stood up for you ? Has he ever given her any real consequences for her bad behavior ?
Do you live with her now ?
i dont see her very often so im not around her constantly.
hes told her " mom, look shes the one i love and the one im going to spend my life with and shes also the mother of my child and whether you like it or not shes going to be a part of this family" and she just gets in a tizzy. hes also told her that if she keeps it up then she will never really know her grandchild but that doesnt faze her because she doesnt believe its her grandchild in the first place.
we dont live with her. she lives in oklahoma and we live in nc but during the holidays and every now and then when we get together with his family shes always there since she does happen to be a part of that family.
during the holidays and stuff is supposed to be a happy time but she makes me feel like crap. and i try to let it roll off my back like water but i cant sometimes because she likes to pick and pick and pick some more. she even posts like comments on facebook. she doesnt ever say it with my name on fb but we all know its about me. |
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stw_77
Joined on 01-14-2003
16,189 Points
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She sounds like a horrible person. Stop seeing her even if it is on holidays. Is there someone else you can spend your time with like his dad, aunts or cousins? There is absolutely no reason for you to tolerate this. Also please don't try to push for a relationship with your son. No good will come of it.
It seems that your husband needs to tell her that if she doesn't treat you with respect and kindness then HE ( not your son) will be out of her life. Besides I honestly think your whole family would be better off without. Just because she has a genetic link to your husband that does not mean she has to be in his and your life. |
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Wan-naBe
Joined on 01-05-2001
San Gabriel Valley, CA
8,074 Points
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lord have mercy. I'm the same age as your FMIL. how old are YOU guys?? |
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Supermom20...
Joined on 01-09-2012
737 Points
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stw_77:
She sounds like a horrible person. Stop seeing her even if it is on holidays. Is there someone else you can spend your time with like his dad, aunts or cousins? There is absolutely no reason for you to tolerate this. Also please don't try to push for a relationship with your son. No good will come of it.
It seems that your husband needs to tell her that if she doesn't treat you with respect and kindness then HE ( not your son) will be out of her life. Besides I honestly think your whole family would be better off without. Just because she has a genetic link to your husband that does not mean she has to be in his and your life.
well him and her dont have the best relationship either and they have never really had a great relationship. she was really abusive before he turned 18. to the point of the cops being called and everything. well the day he turned 18 he had packed his stuff the day before and took it to school with him and from there brought it to my house.
we see his dad and step mom all the time and the other memebers of his family. there isnt a problem seeing them as they are very willing to spend time with us.most of them actually dont even want to see me or cody(boyfriend) they normally only want to see ayden lol.
so should we just like write her out of our lives completely or just have the kind of relationship where we send christmas cards and thats it? |
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Supermom20...
Joined on 01-09-2012
737 Points
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Wan-naBe:
lord have mercy. I'm the same age as your FMIL. how old are YOU guys?? im 17 and cody(boyfriend) is 18 and ayden(my son) is 6 months old. |
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stw_77
Joined on 01-14-2003
16,189 Points
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Yeah that is pretty much it. You just end all contact. I wouldn't even send a Christmas card. Now perhaps later if she has proven that she can treat you with kindness and respect, then you can think about letting her back in. However, you don't have to.
Again, just because she is family that does not mean you have to allow her to treat you both like that and you allow her back into your lives. He was smart to move out. Now I want to warn you, when she finds out that he is cutting her of ouf his life she will blame you. She will say that you turned him against her, you have him brainwashed blah blah blah. Your FI has to step up here and make it abundantly clear that this is his decision and that she has no one else to blame but herself. |
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Supermom20...
Joined on 01-09-2012
737 Points
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stw_77:
Yeah that is pretty much it. You just end all contact. I wouldn't even send a Christmas card. Now perhaps later if she has proven that she can treat you with kindness and respect, then you can think about letting her back in. However, you don't have to.
Again, just because she is family that does not mean you have to allow her to treat you both like that and you allow her back into your lives. He was smart to move out. Now I want to warn you, when she finds out that he is cutting her of ouf his life she will blame you. She will say that you turned him against her, you have him brainwashed blah blah blah. Your FI has to step up here and make it abundantly clear that this is his decision and that she has no one else to blame but herself.
this is the first bit of good advice ive heard about her since day 1 and weve together almost three years. im deleteing her from my fb and blocking her too. and im going to talk to cody about doing the same.
she already thinks my family has brainwashed him and as she has said "trying to buy his love" because during the first few months we were together it was his birthday and we took him balloons and a card during school but because its a school policy apparently that you cant do that we had to take them to his house.
i greatly appreciate your advice here. |
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magsugar13
Joined on 03-14-2007
68,470 Points
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because shes already threaten to have me locked up for issues which have never really happened.
I'd like to know more... |
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Juris11
Joined on 07-25-2011
2,136 Points
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Supermom2011:
Wan-naBe:
lord have mercy. I'm the same age as your FMIL. how old are YOU guys?? im 17 and cody(boyfriend) is 18 and ayden(my son) is 6 months old.
I'm imagining her reservations come from this and it is understandable. You are very young to be so committed and to have a child together. I imagine that most parents would not want their children to have children so young, and to be honest, I would side eye such young people getting married and having children too, because you are still children yourself. You will both change so much over the next few years.
However, from your posts it seems like you are self-sufficient and living and making it on your own, which is in your favor. I think your FI has the right idea in standing up to her, and then the two of you not socializing with her. However, with you two being so young, I think time is the only solution here. If you two prove to be mature and responsible and grow together in the next few years, maybe she will see things differently. |
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  *This is not legal advice* |
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alithebrid...
Joined on 08-27-2004
Huntington, Long Island
36,160 Points
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are you actually engaged or are you just dating? |
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DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!!  my read shelf: |
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Interroban...
Joined on 10-17-2008
New England
23,451 Points
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Supermom2011:
Wan-naBe:
lord have mercy. I'm the same age as your FMIL. how old are YOU guys?? im 17 and cody(boyfriend) is 18 and ayden(my son) is 6 months old.
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"What magazine? Convenient Theories for You Monthly?" |
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alithebrid...
Joined on 08-27-2004
Huntington, Long Island
36,160 Points
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for crying out loud. she's not your FMIL, she's your BF's mom. she becomes FMIL when you get engaged and, since you're still calling him BF shes not FMIL.
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DH and I are happily child-free!! No due date or toddler tickers here!! my read shelf: |
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my read shelf:
