Sex & Romance
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
sexless
What I would like to know is if any of you have had a positive change in these relationships. Where the husband or bf is uninterested, disdainful of sex, for no clear reason. Did things ever get back on track? This happened with my husband, it started not long after I got pregnant. He wouldn't even kiss me or sleep in the same bed with me for months. He always had some random excuse. I asked if he was cheating or wanted an open relationship, he said he didn't know why he didn't have a sex drive, and he didn't want anyone else because he "couldn't just sleep with someone he doesn't have feelings for". He got really angry when I basically physically forced my attentions on him one day. I did some snooping and he was still viewing plenty of porn. I understand maybe not wanting sex with a pregnant women, but do men ever turn down oral? About eight weeks after I had the baby he said he couldn't wait to have sex again. But by that time I had been refused so often and felt so horrible about myself I couldn't imagine being affectionate with him at all. Our baby is six months old, we've had sex a handful of times ( he initiated ) but I feel completely alienated from him. I have a high sex drive and I think about other men all the time. I don't know if I even want to be with him anymore. We haven't been on a date since I got pregnant. He always has some kind of excuse. I just wondered if anyone else has been able to overcome this.
Re: sexless
From reading your OP, and having no further details, I am inclined to think that communication may be lacking. Did he explain why he was being distant? Have you had a serious conversation about the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship?
What stands out to me here is the fact that he did not want to sleep in the same bed as you. This indicates more than sexual issues to me. It's one thing if he was a little uncomfortable having sex while you were pregnant (though this is something that you two could have talked about), but that detail makes me think that there is some deeper problem. I know that several people on the Nest sleep apart from their husbands, so perhaps they will have more insight than me on that aspect. In my relationship, however, that is an integral part of my intimacy with my husband. We have a little less sex than we did at the start, mainly due to being exhausted with our jobs, but even when we are too tired to have sex, being able to sleep next to each other is so fulfilling and meaningful.
If I were you, I would ask him to plan a date one evening to talk about things. No excuses. Go out to dinner, or make dinner at home. Approach the subject in a non accusatory manner, let him know how you feel. Perhaps make a plan to work on your sex life. If he is willing to address this and work with you to make your marriage stronger, you have a good chance of overcoming this. If he is not, you need to think about your next step. As your husband, he should want to make sure that you are happy and satisfied.
It sounds like a lot of damage has already been done. If you have a chance of having a happy and fulfilling marriage, you two need to start communicating about this as soon as possible. Good luck.
This might have to do with you being a mother. They call it the Madonna-Wh0re syndrome.
A trip to a sex therapist will help.
What you need to do:
Sit down and talk about this. (do some research about M-WS and show it to him -- tell him you think that might be the problem). From what I understand, this issue is repairable.:)
did he want you to be pregnant?
Whoa.
The no sex issue is a piffle compared to his drinking problem.
Yu need to address this separately and you should NOT tolerate it.
He's lying about his drinking and he is drinking constantly. He needs AA and he needs it stat -- I'd let him know point blank that it's either you and the child or the booze -- and let him make his choice.
if he picks the booze, it is a dealbreaker.
I also suggest AlAnon for you.
Life with a drunk is no life at all and a drunk is no father for a child.
Wishing you luck with your issue -- let us know how it goes.