FT working Moms with 2 or more

sunnytrees

...outside the home that is..;)

Tell me about your decision. Please be honest. There is no judging here and I am particularly interested in those who knew they wanted to be a mom but also knew staying home was not for them. 

As I have shared before, this is a constant struggle for me. I know in my heart that being a full time SAHM is not my calling. I am choosing it now because it makes most financial sense for us. I would love to work PT but that would be an even bigger wash than working FT right now. Guilt is a definite issue for me, Since I don't love staying home, I know I am not the mom I want to be. I also know being away all day would be tough, but sometimes I wonder if it would ultimately mean more fulfillment for me.

I realize only I can make the decision should the right position present itself, but I always enjoy hearing other mom's feelings about this topic. Again...no judgement!!  

Mrs.Greeko

Being a SAHM is definitely not for me.  I thought it was at one point, but now I know it isn't.  If I could work PT I would, but it would have to be as an engineer and that's almost impossible so I work FT.  It's hard sometimes to miss out on some things and it stinks to have evenings be so stressful sometimes, but we make it work.  If DH didn't work 4 10's it would be easier in the evenings cause I'd have an extra set of hands.  But my job lets me leave at 4 and that makes a huge difference, I wouldn't want to work till 5 or later...  I like having all the extra money to do things, take awesome trips and such so really that is my main plus of working.  I also like having a routine, having some time away from my kids (especially when they are whiny!), having adult interaction, and using my brain and my degree in ways that being at home can't.  And, although probably not a popular answer I enjoy knowing I'm showing my girls women can be anything.  Working in a male dominated field shows me that it's important to encourage women to pursue fields that men mostly dominate and what better way to encourage that than by my going to work everyday?

ckolak

Now that I've got the 2 kids, I would LOVE to stay at home. However, that is not remotely financially feasible as I am the primary wage earner. I would say that if you know you aren't happy as a SAHM, it would be better for you and your family for you to work outside the home, and vice versa.

MWiley0225

For me I know working pt would be ideal. However I have to work full time for health benefits since my husbands work doesnt offer. And now with 5 kids in daycare and even when it was 3 Couldnt have even paid for the daycare. I love my kids and hate all the things I miss, However I am much happier and less stressed which makes me a better mom. I still go to everything I can and Since my husband works 2 jobs me and the kids are on our own 6 out of 7 days. We are all working together. I also let each of the kids stay up 30 min later 1 night a week to spend 1 on 1 time uninterrupted. You can only do whats right for you and your family. No judgements no matter your decision. I have friends on all sides of the spectrum and we are all envious of the other.

Pesky

I knew from the get-go that being a SAHM was not for me.  You could have a ton of guilt -- if you focus on only the negatives.  Here's the thing:  I get adult interaction adn stimulation, plus a chance to pee in peace.  The kids get a chance to go to preschool, bond with friends and teachers and learn some relationship lessons before even hitting public school.  All pluses for me.  Some days are harder than others, like with DD and her cold now, but on the balance it works for our family.

DownToEarthGirl

You know my take on this...you are lucky to stay home and you are lucky when you find a job you like and that makes you a better person.  Not that I'm happy 100% of the time...everyone has tough months and good months.  It just always sucks to not be happy at what you're doing - either SAH or working. 

My decision is about 50% financial and 50% personal.  I like working at my job, am pretty good at it, and feel that it makes me a better person and therefore a great role-model on work ethic for my boys.  I also detest going into work when my kid is sick, or trying to finish something when I am supposed to be at a school/daycare event, or missing out on those everyday moments when you can just see the innocence of childhood - that's the 50% financial that is my decision to work FT. 

Seriously, I'd be a kick-a$$ SAHM, but I'm a pretty good employee also and I feel good that what I do benefits society and not just my family (I'm a tree-hugger at heart).  Plus, I was a career-driven woman before having kids, so turning that off is hard.  Even my DH jokes sometimes that I'm more loyal to my job than to anyone else - although I'm working on that b/c I don't feel my job defines me either and sometimes I'm a super slacker at both being a mom and a worker-bee. 

Summary: I vacillate between being 100% and 50% sure in my decision, so take my ramblings for what they are worth.  Oh and at some point when Dan is ready to do his own thing...maybe he and you can come up here and I'll work on the a fun non-profit organization for us to manage.

PS Thanks for the "Money Matters" discusssion this morning.  Isn't it funny the things that take off in our conversations!

sunnytrees

Thanks everyone! Balance is hard to find. If only I could feel better about being a SAHM for the next 3-4 years because I think once all the girls are in school all day, a part time job would be great.

Being a SAHM has so many great perks, no doubt about it. But the lack of adult interaction, as Pesky says- ability to pee alone , and not feeling mentally challenged has begun to weigh on me after 2 1/2 years. Ultimately, I am SO thankful I can be here for the girls. and we have made many wonderful memories I will always cherish, as a result of it.

If and when the right opportunity comes along, I think we as a family will know its time for a change. In the mean time, I just need to continue finding those outlets both with the kids, and on my own, to keep me sane!

taratru

I would be a TERRIBLE sahm.  Terrible.  I wouldn't like my kids very much, which means they would be raised by an unhappy, unfulfilled, angry, bitter mother. 

For me, that's enough right there.  However, I happen to really enjoy what I do (most of the time), and even on the crappy days, I never ever think, "man, I wish I could just stay at home" - I think, "man, I wish I could do something else."  For my personal fulfillment, I can't just be a mom.  That can't be it for me.  It doesn't occcur to me to feel guilty at *all*, until (and I've said this before) I come to the nest and read the mommy war posts.  But even then, I don't feel bad. 

goldene

Thank you for bringing this up in such a fresh and thoughtful way.  (Super random and intermittent poster here!).  I am like you - I don't think that in my heart I am meant to stay at home full time, but the practical benefits make me think it is going to be the right choice.

 Right now I have a good mix - 3 days a week at my lawyer gig, 2 at home w/ my 2 year old.  But I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and have some choices to make...If we stay at our same day care, it'll cost nearly $1k over what I make to send two.  I also would like the parts of staying home full time with an infant that I didn't totally get with my daughter - easier to breastfeed, cook as much as I like, not have to rush off in the am, etc.

Does it feel like enough to say "there's no perfect, and this is what I'm doing right now?"  I am wondering if that will satisfy me.  I even got my yoga teaching certification this fall so that I could have a "backup" plan for when I stay home, but I have NO IDEA how to make childcare work for that one (no fam in the area, wary of in-home care...)

 This is mostly just me (a total stranger!) blabbing on and on, but what I mean to say is: I get it girl, I get it. 

RyanandManda

goldene:

Thank you for bringing this up in such a fresh and thoughtful way.  (Super random and intermittent poster here!).  I am like you - I don't think that in my heart I am meant to stay at home full time, but the practical benefits make me think it is going to be the right choice.

 Right now I have a good mix - 3 days a week at my lawyer gig, 2 at home w/ my 2 year old.  But I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and have some choices to make...If we stay at our same day care, it'll cost nearly $1k over what I make to send two.  I also would like the parts of staying home full time with an infant that I didn't totally get with my daughter - easier to breastfeed, cook as much as I like, not have to rush off in the am, etc.

Does it feel like enough to say "there's no perfect, and this is what I'm doing right now?"  I am wondering if that will satisfy me.  I even got my yoga teaching certification this fall so that I could have a "backup" plan for when I stay home, but I have NO IDEA how to make childcare work for that one (no fam in the area, wary of in-home care...)

 This is mostly just me (a total stranger!) blabbing on and on, but what I mean to say is: I get it girl, I get it. 

I got my yoga teacher certification a couple years ago and have taught maybe 10 classes since...  it's REALLY hard to get a yoga teaching job with all the studios having yoga teacher trainings all the freaking time!!! 

uteandbuff

Pesky:

I knew from the get-go that being a SAHM was not for me.  You could have a ton of guilt -- if you focus on only the negatives.  Here's the thing:  I get adult interaction adn stimulation, plus a chance to pee in peace.  The kids get a chance to go to preschool, bond with friends and teachers and learn some relationship lessons before even hitting public school.  All pluses for me.  Some days are harder than others, like with DD and her cold now, but on the balance it works for our family.

This is pretty much me.  I love my kids dearly, but I know that being a SAHM is just not for me.   My kids have thrived at their school/daycare and have learned much more than I could have ever imagined to teach them.    

 

KeepingItLowKey

For me it's just a necessity for our family. I would also be nervous for a lapse on my resume, especially in this economy. I don't want to miss any changes in the field. My situation is a bit different though, since I go in at 3pm, so I still am home with my kids for a good chunk of the day before DH takes over.

MTJunebride

I have a hard time leaving to go to work for the first 6 months, then it's pretty much ok for the next 6 months.  Then by the time the baby is one, I am totally happy with being at work and I think it is definitely the best situation for both of us.  So now that I know it is just hard at the beginning for me, that is not worth quitting my job for especially in this economy.  I just know I need to push through the first year and realize it is going to get easier.  I also like the perks of having two incomes, like being able to travel and go out to eat without being stressed about money.  I have gotten several promotions in the last three years that have kept me motivated and given me career satisfaction.  If I were still where I was three years ago in my career, it probably wouldn't be financially wise to work with two kids in daycare.  But now it is definitely good for our family budget if I work.  I also really feel more comfortable with the idea that one of us could get laid off and we'd still have the income to pay our basic bills.  I think it puts a lot of pressure on one person to be the only source of income in case of a layoff or something.

Kmac-06

I know I would not be happy SAH, I could tell after my 3 months maternity leave with DD. I agree with others that part time would be ideal, but it just doesn't work financially. When we have two in daycare, I will only bring home a couple hundred bucks a month, but I carry our health insurance and so that combined with the potential future income loss from being out of the workforce makes it worth it (plus my sanity).

It's tough either way, I hope you can find a way to feel satisfied in whatever situation is best for you right now.

goldene

RyanandManda:

I got my yoga teacher certification a couple years ago and have taught maybe 10 classes since...  it's REALLY hard to get a yoga teaching job with all the studios having yoga teacher trainings all the freaking time!!! 

 I'm probably quoting wrong, so forgive that.  I can't tell if this is a dig at me for having taken one of those recent teacher trainings?  Or probably just a lament at the difficulty of teaching in a competitive market?  Anyway, the people I have seen have great success at being new teachers do it all-out from the gate and take anything and everything that's offered to them (and ask a lot more than they're offered).  That will be a challenge for me because 1)I already have another job and 2)When I may not have that other job, I will have another baby.  But I am trying to take the long view with this one, and with a lot of things in life right now...Sorry you haven't gotten to teach much in the last few years.

daisies0406

sunnytrees:

Thanks everyone! Balance is hard to find. If only I could feel better about being a SAHM for the next 3-4 years because I think once all the girls are in school all day, a part time job would be great.

Being a SAHM has so many great perks, no doubt about it. But the lack of adult interaction, as Pesky says- ability to pee alone , and not feeling mentally challenged has begun to weigh on me after 2 1/2 years. Ultimately, I am SO thankful I can be here for the girls. and we have made many wonderful memories I will always cherish, as a result of it.

If and when the right opportunity comes along, I think we as a family will know its time for a change. In the mean time, I just need to continue finding those outlets both with the kids, and on my own, to keep me sane!

I think I am starting to feel exactly the same as you and I've been staying home for the same amount of time as you.  I love my kids, I love that I can see them everyday, but man I would love to have a pt job!  I feel like I'm losing my brain cells and I miss the adult interactions.  I feel like I don't have many friends or I'm losing the ones I do have because I can't put the outward time into them.  Oh well, I have a couple years left and then the kids will be in school and I'll have to figure out what I want to do part time.  I'm thinking about starting one of those consultant type jobs like Scentsy just to get a little extra play money and some time out of the house for parties an such.