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Family Baby Fever?
Ever since I've gotten engaged my family especially my mother has bombarded me with the infamous request/question of when my FI and I are going to have children. I have said til I'm blue in the face not for another 3 to 4 years in which my FI and I and will able to be more financially secured to have a baby as in we can support ourselves now but we're not in a position to support three. My FI and I are only in our early 20s and we want to live as newlyweds before adding on to our family and they simply don't understand. My mother has gone to the point of using my 2 year niece by saying "when are you going to give me a little cousin?" They think I'm being stubborn about it as in I'm withholding having grandchildren just to get a rise out of them which I think is ridiculous. I don't know how else to tell them that they have to wait, I've even ignored them but its a everyday thing.
Has anyone else gone through this?
Any idea what I should do?
Re: Family Baby Fever?
Yep, stop giving them your reasons. It only gives them ammunition to try to convince you that you are wrong.
If my mom did that to me, I would look at her straight in the face for a few awkward seconds and then get up and leave.
Say, "What the F- is wrong with you?" a few times. Works like a charm.
hahaha....this is great! I'd love to use this line, but would be afraid of the fallout from using this line.
IT's basically been said, but to chime in. For some reason you feel you have to give them a reason why you aren't having kids now. That's the thing- you DON'T. You're an adult who is allowed to make choices for yourself and your DH w/o asking permission from your parents.
STOP "explaining" things to them. You don't need to be rude about it - at least at first. But shut the topic down. "We'll have kdis when we're ready. Until then, I'm no longer discussing this with you.". They push? Then you pull out the "If you don't drop this, we're leaving". They don't drop it? Then get up and leave.
You don't have to get their permission!!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
"There will never be a good enough reason, so I am not giving one."
This has worked for me. I also refuse to answer unless my DH is right there. Right next to me. I tell people to either ask him, and/or go get him at family gatherings.
I have been married 6 years, am almost 30 and could write the book on this.We don;t have kids or baby fever.
I vote on telling them to eff off! It worked for me! DH and I will be 4 years this August. I used to do the explaining, logical thing. Then last year I freaked out and it stunned everyone into silence. For the moment... :P
I totally get the feeling of wanting to live life first. I am also in my early 20s (DH is a bit older but not broody yet) and am getting the question from family AND family friends. I still haven't figured out a way to deal with the friends. Doesn't seem right to freak on them :P
I, too, get baby fever that comes and goes. When it's there, it's all I can think about. When it isn't, then I wonder why I'd ever want kids. DH is awesome, he just rides the roller coaster with me. XD
Yep.
When we were dating, the questions were: "So when are you guys getting married?"
In our wedding video, "Hope you guys have lots of kids soon (paraphrase)."
First Child: "So, when is DS going to be a big brother?"
***
Jump to DS being 2yo now,
the questions are coming from everyone...its excessive, but I just ignore it. Now than many first time moms are expanding their brood, its like assumed that everyone should have more.
These are a few that work for me. The attitude I give depends on the person and how many times they've asked:
"Every time you ask, we add another 6 months onto the timeline."
"My answer hasn't changed since the last time you asked me."
"I've told you we're waiting, this is not up for discussion, so don't ask again."
"......(blank stare).....(walk away)..."
Say: "What makes you think I can even HAVE kids?" and then start tearing up.
Or.. "Oh! Are you going to pay for lost wages, childcare, diapers, food, crib, <insert whatever else babies need> ?"
I totally understand! My parents are CONSTANTLY asking me about kids. I just keep telling them that I am not even sure that I want them, so there's no hurry to have them.
I think they have kind of accepted that, because they call our dogs their granddogs now. I know they still want grandkids asap (but I have three other sisters, two of which are thinking they will have babies as soon as they get married) but they have at least let up on it.
I think what really helped them realize kids were not in my future when I came home and told them they needed to get the baby stuff out, and then they got all excited, but then i said it was a joke. I told them this is the emotional roller coaster you guys put me on every time!! SO STOP! I think it was kind of mean actually, but it made them stop. I told my mom the other day we had decided to start trying to have kids in 3 or 4 years, and she got really excited. I think that answer satisfied her.
Just enjoy being with you new husband and married life. You have 20+ years to think about having kids (and even more after that if you decide to adopt!)