Honestly, how often?

jeweltutu

Okay,

I know this has been asked many many times.  How often should couples be having sex?  Is once or twice a week normal, not enough, too much?

 I know: it will vary from couple to couple.  But if you don't exactly see eye-to-eye on the issue, my question should be in this case, should you settle?

 Here is our profile.

 Dating for 2+ years, been living together and engaged for 1, getting married Jan 5th, 2013. 

Obviously in the beginning, we did it ALOT!  Now I am lucky if I can get it twice a week.  I must also inform you that I have a VERY high sex drive and with previous BF's would do it every single day and found it extremely satisfying.

 Now enter first real, mature relationship filled with other wonders of companionship, great convos, same values, same goals, super bond.  I feel bad wanting more at this point, but I don't want to sacrifice my own needs/wants either.

 I just worry that right now its once or twice a week, but then once marriage hits it will be once every other week Or worse yet once a month.

 What should I do?  Buy a vibrator?  He gets sooooooooooooooo defensive when he hears me talk w my friends about sex toys etc, like they devalue him.  He takes it soo personally.

 Be honest with me, I won't get offended.  More than likely I am just being silly, but I would like other people's perspective on this as it is so interesting to discover how there really is no set normal.  Let me know what works for you guys as couples.

 Thanks everyone,

- L 

LilBlkDress1

1- don't compare your relationship now with one in the past that obviously didn't work out anyway.

3- Some people have sex once a month and are completely satisfied with that, some have it every day and that's what works for them.  You're having enough if you're happy with the amount you're having.  Talk to your FH if you're not and figure out how much would make the two of you happy.

ReturnOfKuus

I'm sure he's not keen on having sex with his sister around all the time and his parents barging in without calling.  All things considered, why exactly are you with him?

Interrobang

What Kuus said.

Also, how old are you? 

 

dabbypear

lol

rhythmicgoldfish

it goes in waves for us ... this is the worst time of year for our sex life. when Patrick was a teen his mother died unexpectedly right after the holidays and every year from thanksgiving until valentines day he has no libido, he spends those months thinking about his mother, wishing she could have met our children and he sinks into a deep depression. our sex life usually picks back up around February and then cools down during the heat of the summer picking up again in the fall only to slow to a crawl again during the holidays 

PixieChinchilla

Have you communicated any of this to him? As in, really sitting down and talking about your needs vs his needs and how to find a compromise? If he is unwilling to compromise (for example, be okay with you buying a toy so your needs can be met without him feeling obligated to have sex x number of times per week), that tells you something you should definitely know about before you marry him.

H and I don't always see eye to eye, because I have health issues that leave me feeling too crummy a lot of the time. It took us some time and a lot of open communication, but we've found some good compromises so that both of our needs are met and neither of us is feeling ignored or overwhelmed.

Alicia_R1

with XH, it was once a week or maybe once every 2 since i didn't want to have sex with him

 with BF (who i have probably spent more cumulative time with than XH) it's almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day.  some days we are just too beat from work...we are up at 4 AM and sometimes don't get to bed until after 10.  But we both have high sex drives and the chemistry between us is right, where with XH it wasn't.  (granted i'd be happy with 3 times a day, but he'd be pretty wrecked)

emmabrazil

I am with you on this one. When I met my bf, we used to have sex everyday, sometimes few times a day.... he loved the idea of try unusual places. 

Now, it seems he completely lost the interest.... but I did not! I tried talk to him but his always say that it's nothing about me; that he is only too tired and/or cold. ( we live in Ireland!!)

I tried different things ( lingeries ... dinners .. wine .. candles .. ) you name it .. I did it.  I really love him and want to be with him...but I am afraid the sex life ( or lack of it) can ruin my relationship.

( 2 years and 9 months dating ... as we met in a different country we were living together most of the time.)