Frustrated with mediation

XMrsV2005

We went to mediation for the second time today and I feel like it was a complete waste of money and time. Basically, the mediator didn't end up getting us closer on one single agreement. Instead all she did was bring his proposal to me and go back to him with mine and then threw her hands up.

We made agreements during the first session and XH did not hold up on any of them.

Of course, XH is bound and determined that he will not pay me any maintenance at all, even if that means he has to pay his attorney tens of thousands of dollars.

Thanks for listening...on to trial in May. 

maddie80

Hey there - just wanted to say, you're not alone.  When I went through the process last year, I had the same experience.  Mediation was really not a good use of time/money for us, and I found in the end that XH really wasn't negotiating in good faith.  Hang in there.  Hope things are going ok, and holler if you ever want to grab coffee or a drink sometime.  It's not easy.

silly.goose

Sorry you're going thru this!  I thank my lucky stars XH and I were able to come to an agreement on our own (not that it was easy, and we didn't have kids involved).  Hang in there ~ this won't last forever, I promise.

WonderRed

I have found that the majority of the mediators I end up using are worthless.  I'm not paying you to be a messenger between us and them, I'm paying you to drive the process so actually do something, already!!  I have one or two that I try to use all the time, if at all possible, because they will actually state an opinion or tell people what to expect in the real world. I'm sorry you got stuck with a bad one, although it sounds like he's digging in so there might not have been anything anyone could have done.

It does end eventually.

tra_la_la

My parents went through 7 hours of meditaion for my mom to just flat out refuse to sign the agreement. She will not agree with my dad at all and they are now going in front of a judge next month. I don't know how much of this is true but all 3 of the attorneys my dad has spoken with, including the one he hired told him if someone asks for maintenance and makes less they are going to get it. All the attorney can do is try to less the amount and duration.

WineCat

LBaker19:

My parents went through 7 hours of meditaion for my mom to just flat out refuse to sign the agreement. She will not agree with my dad at all and they are now going in front of a judge next month. I don't know how much of this is true but all 3 of the attorneys my dad has spoken with, including the one he hired told him if someone asks for maintenance and makes less they are going to get it. All the attorney can do is try to less the amount and duration.

It probably depends on how long they were married, etc..  But I can tell you in my case this did not happen at all.  

goldenjes

Ugh, sorry about that.  Ditto WR - these days will eventually end.

I was told not to expect any maintenance, especially for our generation, and CO is a no-fault divorce state.  (Granted, it wouldn't have applied in my case)

Child support is another issue entirely.

WonderRed

Maintenance is not automatic just because someone makes more money.  It depends on the length of the marriage, the ability of both parties to support themselves (education, how long off from work to raise kids, how long needed to get back into the work force  etc.) , and the life style the couple had during the course of their marriage.

(But that's just a general commentary related to pps statement, because I obviously know nothing about your specific situation so don't read  that and worry. :- )  )

tra_la_la

WonderRed:

Maintenance is not automatic just because someone makes more money.  It depends on the length of the marriage, the ability of both parties to support themselves (education, how long off from work to raise kids, how long needed to get back into the work force  etc.) , and the life style the couple had during the course of their marriage.

(But that's just a general commentary related to pps statement, because I obviously know nothing about your specific situation so don't read  that and worry. :- )  )

yeah like I said I don't know how much of that is true. Just speaking of what my dad is going through. Maybe he is getting bad legal advice 

WonderRed

LBaker19:

WonderRed:

Maintenance is not automatic just because someone makes more money.  It depends on the length of the marriage, the ability of both parties to support themselves (education, how long off from work to raise kids, how long needed to get back into the work force  etc.) , and the life style the couple had during the course of their marriage.

(But that's just a general commentary related to pps statement, because I obviously know nothing about your specific situation so don't read  that and worry. :- )  )

yeah like I said I don't know how much of that is true. Just speaking of what my dad is going through. Maybe he is getting bad legal advice 

He may be getting good advice specific to his situation and then just over generalizing it.