August 2006 Weddings
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
@ children in the room for delivery
I'm watching some sort of birth story show. ?This woman is having a home water birth. ?She's naked and screaming. ?Let's just say I'm horrified watching and am about to change the channel. ?I don't need to know about any of this right now. ?
The thing is, the woman's son who looks to be four or five is in the room standing about three feet from his mom. ?If this is freaking me out, I can't imagine what it is doing to the kid.
What am I missing here??
Re: @ children in the room for delivery
The crazy gene.
Meh. I'm good with it until they're about 10, if they're in some huge place like Disney, or someplace with easy transportation, like a highway rest stop. If it's a small store with 2 stalls and one entrance, then it's unnecessary.
I think that's inappropriate, too. 7 year olds should know how to go to the bathroom on their own, unless they're disabled in some way.
?
It's not the water birth, it's that she was in serious pain and screaming while the kid was standing right there. ?His grandma was there too, so I don't see why she couldn't have taken him out of the room. ?That has got to be traumatizing.?
stupid and dumb. way to traumatize your kid there, lady!
Michelle Duggar brought her teenage girls into the room when she had her latest baby - but I thought that was ok considering that a) it will be them doing that in 5 years or less and b) its probably the closest thing they got to reproduction education.
?
It was a little boy.?
I think of it along the same lines as having sex. You wouldn't do that in front of a kid, so why would you give birth in front of them?
of course our social norms/morals play into it but thats the point. Our kids will grow up in our society with its norms and morals. Things like watching your parents have sex or seeing your parents' genitals riped apart will be traumatizing because it is in our soceity...not matter how many times your parents try to tell you its "natural" and "normal".
We might not like the social norms in US society, but unless you plan to move IMO you have to raise your kids to survive within those norms to some extent.
Ditto that. *I* don't particularly want to be in the room when I give birth, I can't imagine that kid does.
Well I kinda disagree that in the past or other cultures they keep kids around purposefully to see the mom give birth. Many past culture used to be more prude and kept things of that nature even more "in the closet" and away from the man/kid world. Husbands in many civilized cultures used to not even be in the delivery room. I'm not gonna say that I know how every tribal culture dealt with birthing, but I can see it being a "only necessary people in the room" type of deal and only the mom and the "birthing crew" would be in on the commotion while others hung out outside the immediate area.
My sister has this book about the history of birthing and its both fascinating and disturbing, lol. I wonder if it addresses this part if it at all.
?I have no idea. ?Our tv stations are in English, but the descriptions are all in czech.?
Wow, I guess I'm in the minority here. I don't see a problem with it...I'm assuming the boy was educated beforehand, and was ok with being there.
It's funny, talking to dh about body/social norms here vs. UK. For him, it was perfectly normal to see his family naked as he was growing up. It's not like they pranced around naked, but nobody took great measures to cover up. To them, a body really was just a body. Completely opposite from my family, where it was PARAMOUNT to stay covered and proper at all times. I think that sets up way weirder issues in a child's mind.
As far as the mom screaming in pain, I would also hope that she prepared him for that--something along the lines of "Mommy's going to look like I'm hurting very bad, blah blah blah." If not, then that's the only truly inappropriate thing I see about this.
Ditto this. It's all about context and managed expectations. If the parents have been open and honest about what to expect and if the child wants to be there and doesn't show signs of being freaked out, then I think it's fine. I don't think anyone should be forced to be there, and if anyone of any age expresses discomfort in being there--out they go.
I think it depends on how he's been raised to that point. If he's raised in a pretty conventional home where people don't talk about things like that, then you're right--it will be freaky and traumatic. If he's been raised in a home (hippyish, as someone else said) where that's discussed early, often, and openly then it shouldn't be an issue.
On the other side of the coin, my mother was traumatized by her own mothers fairly frequent nakedness. Even though it was just within the privacy of her own home, it bothered my mom a lot. In her case I don't think it was a matter of being proper, it was just uncomfortable for her to try to have a normal conversation with a woman who was letting it all hang out. Sorry to say it, but some people just shouldn't be naked all the time. Think nude beaches and the interesting array of people who are strutting their stuff.
Also, I believe it is more than social norms and mores as it relates to nakedness and your kids. Though I doubt the birthing would be an issue, as your kids get older you should use discretion when it's reasonable to do so in order that no one reports you to Child Protective Services.
Was the kid showing signs of distress? ?If he was cool with it, then why should he leave? ?Because society says it's weird for a child to be there? ?
OTOH I can't imagine any kid being fine even if prepared beforehand. ?It's mom, and mom is being weird, and is obviously in pain. ?That's going to bother most small children.
And, again, on another flip side, I went with my mom to a lot of doctor's appts. ?I watched the CT screen. ?I knew she was going to die. ?I was in the hospital with her ?at home with hospice. ?I knew other families didn't do those things, but it was pretty normal for us. It's pretty amazing what kids can learn and accept. ?I wasn't traumatized by those events themselves (now, dealing with her death, years later, is a completely different matter).
Someone mentioned earlier about the days of yore, when Dad didn't go into the birthing room. You know, up through the 70's. I was made aware of how recent the dad-in-room phenomena is when my youngest sister was born 20 years ago (wow). That was my Dad's third child, and first time he's seen a delivery. He gave the 'uh-huh', nodded, and averted his eyes when the dr told him little sis was crowning. In my mind, I always see this scene over my mom's shoulder, and the look on Dad's face is priceless. I'm lol right now.
ETA: Oh, and mom? She was knocked out for my birth. Just how they did it in the olden days. I hold no grudges. I'd do the same, given the opportunity.
In a similar vein...
My dad was there for the birth, and the OB wanted my grandpa and grandma there, too. ?Gramma came, grandpa waited in the waiting room. ?So, the OB, who'd known my family for decades, wheeled mom and me right out to the waiting room once everyone was clean and good to go. ?Apparently, my grandpa turned white as a ghost.
This was such a famous story that when I met the OB's daughter, who is my mom's age, when I was in high school, she told me this story thinking I hadn't heard of it.?
Totally inappropriate, IMO.
But of course I am now traumatized by Irish's imagery of "genitals ripping apart."
I'm not sure why we turn childbirth into some spectator sport. It's dangerous. It's painful. You can die from it. It's a huge medical procedure. You will probably never be emotionally or physically the same again.* Having an audience seems AW-y. Having your young child present seems scarring.
*Warning: never been through it.
I'm not sure why we turn childbirth into some spectator sport. It's dangerous. It's painful. You can die from it. It's a huge medical procedure. You will probably never be emotionally or physically the same again.* Having an audience seems AW-y. Having your young child present seems scarring.
This is the centerpiece of a very contentious philosophical difference about birth. Our culture largely views it as something akin to a traumatic injury requiring much medical intervention and treatment, but not everyone views it that way, nor should they have to. Some view it as a very natural life process that sometimes requires medical intervention but will usually (90% of the time) not require intervention. Those are the people who allow their children to be present if the children want to. You're looking at this through filter of your childbirth-as-scary-medical-event lenses, but not all children are raised with that filter and won't necessarily see it the way you do.
Ditto Zelda. Childbirth absolutely is not a huge medical event. For some women it has to be, and for that we should be thankful for having amazing technology to save the baby and/or mother. For the vast majority, however, it doesn't require intervention. Unecessary interventions often lead to problems that require even more intervention.
yeah, considering that pre-modern medicine, many women died in childbirth, I do see it as somewhat medical. But thats not what is traumatic IMO. Its seeing your mother in that much pain and with that much blood. Thats what is traumatic IMO. In every other case, we associate screaming and blood to bad things.