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Frustration (long vent, sorry...)
I am really frustrated lately and I need an outlet to complain without judgement. So, I understand if nobody wants to read this, it is more cathartic for me to just vent.
I have been married for close to 5 years. I do love my DH dearly. However, I have been very frustrated lately. His schedule at work changed starting in November and now he works late almost every night during the week. On average, he will get home anywhere from 7:30 - 9:30pm. On the weekend, he usually works one afternoon, if not both, some days. And I get it, he is working. He gets paid. But I am tired of taking care of our DS alone, eating alone, watching TV alone...alone, alone alone. He sees DS for about 15 minutes every morning, and that's it. I can't go out to eat or anything with a friend, unless I get someone to watch DS, and I don't want to do that on a regular basis. He is in bed by the time DH gets home. I am lonely, tired, frustrated, and stressed.
Next week, Wednesday, was actually supposed to be his "early" night, meaning he would get home around 7:30. I had planned on joining a book club that begins meeting next Wednesday night. I don't know anyone who is a part of it, but I love reading & thought it would be a fun way to socialize and get out of the house. I was really looking forward to it. I told DH this and he said, ok no problem. My mom was going to come watch DS for about an hour until DH got home. Fine, no problem. Except last night, he tells me his schedule changed and he won't be home until 8:30ish. I really don't want my mom to have to deal with putting DS to bed, so now I feel like I can't go. And DH didn't even seem to care or simply say, sorry hun. And like I said, I get it...he's working....but there IS a tiny bit of flexibility with his job, so I feel like if he pushed a little bit, he could work something out.
So....I'm frustrated. And when I'm frustrated, bored, and lonely, like I am now....I eat. Not to mention the frustration that I get from my own job, this on top of it just makes it worse. All I want to do is eat. Because....what else can I do? Terrible way to look at it, I know, but......I barely ever see him or speak to him lately. I'm just tired.
Re: Frustration (long vent, sorry...)
I see why you're frustrated. And now there's the "but"...
Why can't your mom "deal" with putting your son to bed? Clearly you need a break and I'm sure your mom can handle it. Let her do it, and go to book club.
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You are right....I just get nervous (and she does too!) because she is old & navigating the stairs to go to his room is difficult when she is carrying him (not walking yet...!)
Yea, you are right. I definitely need to look into that. I don't want to be miserable. I am not a miserable person. And the guilt will make me resent everyone.
A trip to Target would be great!! lol!
I'm sorry. It is tough having a husband with a long and demanding work schedule. Is it possible to look for a mothers helper for someone to enertain your child while you can get an hour or so to yourself?
I would also have your Mom come by-it gives her time with her grandchild and you time out.
i agree with the other ladies and i see you do too, so thats a good start! do you have a pack n play that you could set up in one of the rooms downstairs...this way your mom doesn't have to navigate the steps with the baby, she gets to spend time with him, and you get some much needed time out...then once you get home, you can transfer him to his crib...
he may be up when you or your husband get home, but big picture, is that the end of the world?
What kind of support network do you have relatively nearby? Grandparents, friends, other relatives etc? It sounds like you need not only time on your own, but also time w/ your husband. Is there anyone in the area who would be willing to babysit on a periodic basis or any source of qualified sitters (like a teacher from daycare assuming you have a daytime childcare arrangement since you both work)? We hired one of A's teachers from his daycare as an evening sitter twice a month and just figured out how to budget for it so that we get out periodically as a couple. What we sometimes did when he was younger but sleeping consistently was also go out later so that we were home to put him to bed, my sister who has very limited babysitting experience would stay over my house and be home to keep an eye on him, but she didn't really have to do anything. We'd get out for a later movie or go out for dessert. We also take turns getting out after he has gone to bed - mostly to get errands like groceries done but after A is in bed, and DH is staying home, I'll get in a bit of shopping, or get together w/ a friend to watch a favorite show together, and vice versa I stay home and he'll go meet up w/ friends.
It also sounds like you need to talk to your DH and let him know how alone and frustrated you feel. Figure out a plan together how to work around his work schedule and find you time for yourself.