February 2008 Weddings
saltypearl
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
XP from the Bump....What would you guys do?
My BF told me she wants to give her hubby the kids (she has 4) aroung the week I'm due so she can come and help out. I have very mixed feelings about this. I have a husband, we've both been around children and babies our whole lives (me esspecially), I kinda feel like I'm gonna be fine. Really lots of people do it without help or husbands. On the other hand I very well could need help and maybe I'd be in a crazy bad place without her.
I'm all over the map on this one. Any comments?
Re: XP from the Bump....What would you guys do?
That seems very nice and giving of her... but are you going to have your mom or YH's mom that are going to be wanting to come and stay with you and help as well?
I don't know if I would ever be in a position to deny free help, especially in that first week or so when you are going to be exhausted and up and feeding every 2-ish hours. But, I would be concerned with the timing, and making sure that she isn't going to override the Grandmas who might also be wanting to come and stay.
We'll end up hand in hand
Somewhere down on the sand
Just me and you
Personally, I think I would ask her if she would mind coming a few weeks later after your mom and MIL have had their chance to oooo and aaah over baby and help you. By that time, you're probably really ready for a good, long nap with no interruptions and would benefit more from her offer to help.
I completely agree with Andi.
I'd probably say this too. Between both Grandma's and your DH, I think (with no personal experiance whatsoever) that they should be enough help. I don't know if I'd want any other people around just after. I think I would want some time to both bond and heal. I'd probably say to her, thanks for the offer, but the immediate time after birth is already "booked," how about the weeks after? You would still need help.
This totally, because I'd be worried about the same thing too. Alone time that first week is something so special and you only get it once with each kid you have, you know? I wouldn't reject her completely - I'd counter her offer with something like, "Instead of staying with us, can you help me out by making a couple of frozen meals for us so we can focus on family time with the new baby?"
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I like this idea! The thought of having someone stay with you (that is not your mom) may end up creating extra work for you... unless she says she's going to do laundry and grocery shopping for you or something like that
She probably would do laundry, but I think I'll be jealous of that time to share it with everyone. The next time she brings it up I'm for sure going to use all your suggestions. Really it won't be the first week that I really need the help, it'll be 2 or 3 weeks in that I'm starting to wear down and not run on the adrenaline anymore.
Thanks for helping me not over think this!
If there's one thing a pregnant girl is good at it, it's over-thinking. I do it pretty frequently.
See everybody has told me to get as much help as possible right away. It can be rough to walk especially going upstairs, and that's where the nursery and my room are. So I'm going to have to walk all the way down stairs every time baby is hungry and whatnot. I kind of get wanting and needing help. Now I don't think I'd want my friend over helping. If my mom or grandma are over I think that would be fine. I guess part of that is me not wanting to be so vulnerable around my friends, and I really don't want them having to help me even though I know they would in a heartbeat.
I don't know, I guess you could just see how you feel after labor. Just tell her you're not sure if you'll need any extra help at this point.
I like this idea too. I think there are a lot of things your friend can do for you that don't involve her staying with you and potentially overriding you, your H or the grandmas. I think it's important to have family bonding time right away, so if you do want her to come stay with you, maybe it can wait until a few weeks after the baby's born. If she's looking to help right away, she can make a few meals or run some errands for you, which would also be a huge help.
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Here's my input:
1. You will have plenty of time to bond with your child. I would not worry about this.
2. You will be exhausted: physically, emotionally and mentally. The part in the slideshow about c-sections and staying in the hospital and relax is true. Do not rush out of there. Use the time to recover and regroup.
3. Grandma's rule - period. This their right of passage. BF's "time" is a couple / few weeks later.
4. This one depends on your personality, but I'm not one to want to have a whole lot of people around until I'm ready. But some people want to have a party despite the fact that you are in pain and need to go to sleep. Know your limits.
5. Even if it was my BF, I don't think I'd like to be asked to freeze a meal (even though it would be really nice!)
All this being said, I think you all need to enjoy this ride. As Andi said, nothing like a pregnant woman to over analyis everything - which is so normal. BUT, be realistic. Remember our weddings? How many of us can actually say they went exactly how we envisioned? Not me. It is not going to go the way you think it will because there are too many factors you have no control over.
Slow down, relax, enjoy being pregnant - especially that second trimester when you aren't so big you are uncomfortable but yet, obviously pregnant. Share silly things like hicups and a foot in your ribs with your H. (My co-workers used to laugh because Jo Ann seem to always have the hicups and while I was talking with them they could see my belly "hicup") Enjoy the glow of your face and your hair and nails growing at double speed. Laugh when you can't put your own shoes on without help the last week...(By the way, a wooden board under the cushion of your couch/favorite chair helps getting up out of them.) When your feet swell (mine didn't but many do) use it as a great excuse to get new shoes.
My last thought on the (original) subject - which I digressed from: With 4 children herself, you'd think she'd understand the "Grandma's Rule" deal, etc. (Not intending to sound harsh...)