WWND - coworker/baby gear/social grace related

maddie80

This is a long story, but I need some advice.

Back in April, I gave a TON of baby stuff (basically all my baby gear from DS) to a coworker who was expecting a baby with his wife in June.  3 weeks after that, we found out we were having a baby, ironically.  I did not say anything to the coworker about it at all - I figured that the stuff given away was given away.  We hadn't talked about them borrowing it and giving it back or anything.

This fall, my coworker asked if we would like to have the baby gear back.  He offered to bring it all over.  I told him that it would be awesome to get back only the things they were definitely done with using, just so we didn't have to rebuy them.  It was a lot of somewhat spendier items, like a swing, a pack & play, bouncer seat, etc., etc. OK.  Great.  Fastforward to two weeks ago.  He brings it up again, and forwards a really sweet email from his wife, thanking us for the stuff, and with a loooong list of things they are done with, but not all.  I let them know there were 3-4 things we would really love to use again (swing, pack & play, changing pad - I had a great hypoallergenic one which only matters to me because DS was a horrible allergy kid, diaper bag, and boppy).  We arrange a time to pick things up.

When we got there, my coworker's wife hadn't gotten anything out, so we kind of hung out awkwardly in the baby's room while she went through everything.  She said that her DS was still sleeping in the swing (at 7 months?), but she guessed he'd have to get used to the crib.  I told her if he was using it, not to worry about it.  She gave us back the boppy (which had clearly been thrown up on and never washed), the bouncer seat, and a different changing pad that had never been ours (I didn't realize that until we were at home because it had a cover on it).  She also said she'd rather hang on to the P&P because they will be travelling in March, and they "might" want it then.

I was really surprised, because it was just so weird.  I wouldn't have asked for the stuff back, but they offered, and it was hundreds of dollars worth of stuff that they got to use. 

I decided to e-mail my coworker about the P&P (because with a c-section, I'd like to have something I don't have to bend into to get DD out of on both floors of our house) and the changing pad (because the hypoallergenic one was not cheap).  He said we could definitely exchange them as long as they had the P&P back in March for their trip (WTF?)

And now, he's been dodging setting up a definite time to do all of that.  Our baby is coming a week from today.  I'm super annoyed, but I'm not sure if I'm justified in being annoyed.  I guess for me, if I borrowed this kind of stuff from someone, I'd return it in clean condition, and I would NEVER assume I would keep it if I knew they were having another baby.  WWND?

DownToEarthGirl

I think this is just a case of both of you guys trying to be nice, but also wishing it was different.  You wish they'd understand that you didn't plan to have another kid and need the items back and they are wishing you didn't need the items back b/c they are first time parents who still feel like they need them. 

I think to keep the peace I would just keep the other PnP that you were going to get rid of (was that you?), borrow a swing from a Nestie, and buy a new changing pad.  I know it's $$ of items, but I hope it shouldn't cost you too much in the long run. 

todds_wife

You want to borrow our Snug a Bunny Swing?

I have been lamenting that it is totally time for me to take a trip to Once Upon A Child and start getting some of this stuff out of the Nursery and the house so it doesn't look SO crowded as we start looking to put it on the market..

Happy to let you use it if you would like!

ETA - I guess I probably would have taken whatever they gave back, since they offered, but written the rest off, since you "gave" instead of "loaned"...

We borrowed Amwadas exersaucer and a play table, and it is all hers when ever she needs it, because I totally knew it is borrowed.  That being said, I wish we had "borrowed" more stuff, or tried, because babies go through things so fast, and then you just have a baby junk yard that builds up in your life while you try to figure out what to do with all of this practically new stuff.  I am glad the exersaucer is A's to store or get rid of in the end. 

 

choirgirl

Do you want to use our pack n play? The downside is that the bassinet insert needs to be repaired, as DH messed it up somehow.   But despite that issue, DS slept in that part, broken, for a long time.  I *think* it could be repaired pretty easily. So this probably doesn't sound like much of a decent offer, but you are in need, it's yours . And I hope to be pg 3 months after your baby is born, so it all works out

skidunks

Aaand I just realized we still have your Miracle Blanket.

When could we bring it by for you?

Pesky

Ditto pps.  He's trying to be nice but sounds like his wife hadn't thought it through when push came to shove.  I would just suck it up and buy a new PNP (you can get a good one for not a lot -- the Graco one we use cost $50 and has a bassinet feature) and get a used swing off CL or borrow one until your CW is done.  I would try the changing pad you got because your DD may not have the same allergy issues.  Honestly, you gave it to them.  They didn't borrow it.  I agree that I would've had the stuff all ready for you by the door and certainly have checked on the cleanliness.  I would also not hesitate to assume I could keep it if I knew they had another baby.  You gave it to them, no strings attached.  Your pg was a surprise.  So I think it is time to do a "d'oh!" and just realize you need to restock.  You should ask around here as a lot of nesties are getting rid of baby stuff all the time and see if you can't grab something from there. 

maddie80

Sigh. Thanks ladies. That's kind of what I thought. 

 I think I just needed to grumble about it.  I borrowed another swing from a neighbor, and I'm going to go restock on the other things.  I just think it's so odd and confusing to offer and then basically act weird about it. 

 I'll move on. 

azuremama

I agree. It seems like the assumption on both parts was that you gave the stuff to them, not loaned it.  It's nice that they're willing to give some of it back.  I think they should have washed the boppy, but what can you do. 

I assumed that hand-me-down stuff people gave us was ours to keep (although I probably would have offered to give some of it back if they had an oops).  If it hadn't been, I might not have accepted some of it because the fact is that stuff gets lost, ruined, etc.  And with the PNP, it seems like you did clarify that you only wanted the stuff they were done with and they aren't quite done with it.  I'd try to get the changing pad exchanged, though.

So, it sucks, but if I were you, I'd probably just buy another PNP or give it back for their trip.

oops, cross-posted!