Married Life
Floyd.B
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I wonder what the bipolar divorce rate is.
in Married Life
I just can't imagine how hard it would be to be married to a person with this disorder.
your life would cycle with their moods.
Like being married to an alcoholic... "wonder what kind of day we're going to have today."
Floyd P. Bamker - can't spell
Re: I wonder what the bipolar divorce rate is.
My Aunt is bipolar, and I don't know how my uncle does it. They've been married forever, though.
eta: She does take medication.... sometimes. She goes off it periodically, though. It's pretty rough on her physically, so she doesn't like taking it. Whenever she stops taking it, she goes into a manic state.
I just looked at a couple articles and websites and it says 90%. I am not surprised. I don't know if I have ever actually mentioned this to anyone here, only struggles with depression... but I was diagnosed with bipolar about 2 years ago. I know personally how hard it is to feel and be normal and I struggled for YEARS. I didn't have major issues until I had DD and I fell apart. 2 years ago H and I were arguing and I just could not figure out how to be "normal", I cried, I screamed and I was so pissed that I could not be normal like others, that is my mood, happiness, so on and so on. He screamed at me and told me to go to a doctor, he was certain I had bipolar.
If it weren't for H being so strong, patient through all my bullshlt, I don't think (with or without him) I would have ever found the happiness I have now. Sometimes I get so angry for not getting help sooner, but in the same breath proud of myself and my husband. He is one tough SOB and I cannot thank God enough for bringing him into my life.
It is no easy road and there are days that are difficult, NOTHING compared to what it was like before. I remember him telling me about a conversation with one of his buddies and H had told them "I meant what I said at the alter."
Through all this, therapy, meds and supportive circle around me, life is SO much better. but giving in and letting someone else take control was nearly impossible. And I believe that is a huge part of tdivorce rate of a bipolar spouse.
I really rambled, but this statistic makes me so sad. I want to help other women understand this sickness, or any mental illness for that matter. I feel like I am in a great place now and strong enough to do it, and I think I may start with my church.
I think the only thing you can do is educate yourself, be supportive, but be serious as well. There will always be a bad day or two, but like I said in my post, if it were not for H's support there is no way I could be moving in the right direction now.
I will say a couple things, you may know already, but..
Things that help with the disorder (me anyway and it was suggested from my therapist)
A good diet (there are good foods and bad for bipolar)
Exercise. Always makes everyone happier.
No caffeine, at least as little as possible.
Sleep. being exhausted and cranky does not mix well with bipolar.
There is SO much more, aside from meds and therapy.
Don't be afraid of the days ahead, it is wonderful you guys know and are treating it. This is all new to me as well but I can't say enough how important the support from H is.
It is rough, I imagine. I was in a relationship with a bi-polar guy and it could be exhausting. I think the toughest part is (or was for me, anyway) that it is so much about them that their ability to really be there for you during a rough patch is pretty small.
I don't mind the other person's needs or troubles coming ahead of mine for a time, but I need to know that if the situation were reversed that the person can also do the same for me. i need the give and take.
I swear, autocorrect makes the most ridiculous edits to what i type. jesus.
I switched to a laptop.
ok, so yeah. Im interested in anyone else's stories if they have a Bipolar H...seeing that 90% divorce rate isn't very settling.
My h's brother is bipolar and has been dx since he was very young. he is...in no way a productive member of society. he goes on and off of his medications, he is weird and hard to be around a lot of the time. When he is medicated he's pretty cool- but he does not pursue very good treatment (he can't keep a job so he never has insurance..) when he gets disenchanted with the side effects of a drug, he just stops taking it, its hard to watch. I just wonder if the way my h is handling it means that isn't his destiny or if its just a matter of time before he turns into his brother...
DS#2 is bi-polar. He was diagnosed with it about a year ago. I guess there's different types of it? He's been majorly unhappy--for YEARS! His medication was switched recently which helps. But if he doesn't take it regularly--man oh man. He had an "episode" while I was in Oregon.
He seems to be okay now. I had lunch with him on Thursday. I so hope he sticks with his regime because I really, really want him to be happy and comfortable in his own skin.
Forget-Me-Nots: Alaska State Flower
thank you for this- this is helpful. I didn't know that about caffeine. I am very supportive of him and patient- as for now. If he were to start making choices that are self destructive or taking advantage of my good nature, I may re-assess. Im not like holding him to some idealized conduct plan, but I this is my life, too and I won't watch him self destruct another time, while I beg him to get help (to be fair- he was already seeing a therapist (crappy one, I guess) and medicated for depression - but whatever he was doing was NOT working, and he was getting worse, and his mood was basically just dark, and resigned to the idea that life was shiit, and he just had to get through it- that is no way to live, and nobody you'd want to live with...then he jumped off the deep end. it wasn't SO bad prior to that day- just shiity moods and a lot of drinking that I was on his ass about- but knowing how it began, and where it ended....I don't know if I could hang in there for another ride.
and I feel awful having these thoughts, because he is doing so well. He is currently the sweet happy fun chill guy I started dating 10 years ago. he is so wonderful to be with, and I just adore spending time with him now- he is helpful and kind, he worries about me and my needs, he is SO fun with the kids, and helps with them so much now...so I hate worrying that it's all just going to be ripped out from under me, but...it could be.
Hes so remorseful, I don't want to tell him how wary I am about his disease, but this post is helping me get some of this out- so thanks, dudes.
Hi everyone,
Being bipolar is hard to deal with. Thankful for my husband that he didn't walk away when I told him I was. Married for a year and half and together almost four it hasn't always been the easiest, but going through it together is a blessing. I'm honest with him when I have anxiety or I'm depressed, I give him clues when I need his help, and sometimes we learn together. He has also started knowing my moods. He is always making sure I take my medication. If I haven't taken it he notices. I have his support completely as well as my family.
My advice is don't be scared. He needs you there!!!!! It is very hard dealing with depression. When it comes to men they seem to have this impression and they are to macho to come to terms with getting help. I have been through a lot of therapists and psychiatrist. Don't be afraid to look around and interview them. He needs to feel safe and comfortable with whomever he is seeing. It will get better! It does get better.
HAVE FAITH!
May I ask, is he taking something for the bipolar? I think that is what I read in your first post. You both should read up on how to make it work the best way possible for him, you and your children. I can see how difficult it is for H sometimes, and when he senses I am getting moody he shifts gears (most the time), whether it is taking DD to play in her room, helping with what I am doing, etc. This isn't everyday or anything and I am not off my rocker either,but when I get frustrated it is easier to lose control. I DO appreciate all of his support and I do know I have to want it (but I wasn't until I was 33 when I gave in and realized this dude loves me and wants me to get help.)
Stay positive. I hope things continue to improve for your H! watching people see me happy (and grounded) is an incredible feeling.
RB- he is taking a lot of medications...he had been on just an AD and an antianxiety for sleep problems, but it wasn't cutting it at all. after the big snap, he got a few different opinions, went through a couple of different therapists, and started seeing a different person specifically to monitor his medication- and she put him on some different things (specific to bipolar lamictal is one) and changed doseages on others. they've adjusted things a few times since then, and right now it is probably better than it has ever been. which i think is what makes me nervous! lol.
I take lamictal. Fortunately it was the first try and it works. I really hope this is comfortable enough for him and it continues to work. You are a great wife! I know it is hard from my side of this but I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it is to be on the other side!
Hi everyone,
I have been dealing with Bipolar for over 15 years now. I was diagnosed when I was in my first marriage. That ended in divorce for many reasons. However, this marriage is better. I have a very supportive husband. I told him I was Bipolar even before meeting him. I wanted him to know, what he was dealing with.
I have taken many medications. I was on Lamictal for years. Unfotuneatly, it stopped working for me. I now take Seroquel, Lexapro, and Buspar. I have never gone off my meds. I do not like the out of control feeling.
The best thing you can do is educate yourself. Also, check to see if there are any support groups in your area. Having someone else to talk to is so helpful.
I thank god everyday that I have H and is support. My doctor always stresses no caffeine and lots of sleep. Another thing that helps me is having a schedule.
Good luck to everyone!
to the mother of the child with bipolar disorder. you are correct.there are 3 "types" of bipolar. one that identifies as the person being severely depressed most of the time, one that identifies the person as being manic most of the time (beong agressivw, buying exetreme itema, etc)is and bipolar 3 identifies the person as being a balance of both fairly equally. however even with bipolar 1&2 the person can show signs of the opposite stage but not as frequently. (make sense?)
my FI was married once before so he definitely fits the 90%baby statisticat the time he was not dignosed. he had been in a lot of trouble with thw law. he tends to bwvery rebellious and does not like "listening" to any authority. from my understandings her was a terror growing up. it took for him to be court ordered to go to a Dr to be diagnosed. so i def can relate to ya'lls stories.
he is on a cocktail of meds as you all were talking about. however something to understand is that no med cocktail will be a life long solution. life changes, becoming immune to the meds are all reasons a person who need to switch medications.
so with all that said- weve been togetherfor 6 years. have postponed our feb 2012 wedding for reasons not related to his illness. however i will saythe divorce rate scares me. bipolar disorder is extremely hard to be arouns 24/7. however i feel tjat if i leave him i will have given upon him like EVERYONE elae in hos life. yea his actions have been poor but a HUGE contributing factor ia hia bipolar disorder. you def have to havw patience ans cannot be weak at heart. u
during his non manic phases, he is an AMAZING guy with the heart the size of the sky. his generosity is endless,, he would give thw shirt off his back for anyonewanting however... he is extremely stubborn and once he feels wronged by someone theres np room for forgiveness. i believe this to all be a result of how people have turned thierbacks on him because t hey dont understand his illness. and i agree that as an adult he is the master pf his actions. however lets not forget bipolar disorder is a chemical imbalance. and no matter the amount of medication, it will always be there.
sorry for butting in... just a topic i get alack for a lot from people and their misunderstandings.
my FI is on Lamicital and Effexsor.(dont be alarmed when you hear lamicital is a drug used for seizures. haha thw day thw Fr tols my FI that he was so worried something else was wrong lol)
I never post here, but this thread spoke to me...so I thought I should just come out of hiding to respond.
I believe that my STBXH is bipolar, he has been diagnosed with severe depression, but his mood swings are more indicative of bipolar disorder. For years, I let him convince me that I was the reason for his mood swings, or school was the reason he was mad, or whatever. It became impossible to live with because I never knew who he would be from day to day. There would be times when he was the most loving and kind man and other times he would be satan himself.
I have to say that my life is much better since I left my marriage, but I know that STBXH has been struggling. I hope that he finds the help he needs to lead a normal, happy life.
I think that it's possible to overcome the 90% statistic, but it takes a lot of patience and a willingness for the bipolar person to want to treat themselves.
It's about 75% if I remember right. Most bipolar people go through 3-4 marriages or LTR's if they bother to stay in a relationship for any length of time. It's hard to come to an agreement with the other person if you're not aware that what you're asking of them is completely irrational and unrealistic.
I think a lot of BP people expect the other person in their relationship to make them happy and when that doesn't happen they blame the other person for it, which leads to fights etc. A lot of BP people think something is wrong with everyone else, and not with them. So they try to change their partner constantly and when that person can no longer meet their demands, then the relationship ends.
I give DH a lot of credit for sticking it out, he's been through a lot with me emotionally. He's a stronger man than most for sure, I know a lot of men would have left already.
"A women who can kneel before the Lord can stand up to anything"