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Why do I have to be the only grown up?
OK, so I know for years I've been going on and on about how horrible my SIL has been. This past Friday night/Saturday morning was no exception and I'm officially done with her.
It all started with a massive power outage and I texted to her to see if she and her kids were OK (4 years old and almost 18 months). She tells me they're fine but the 4 yr old is freaking out because she's afraid of the dark and they have no candles or flashlights. So I offered some of ours (we have tons) and drove over to her house. She had been drinking, and what started out as a nice visit and helping her out turned into a text war between her and J until 2am. So here is what I've learned about my life via my SIL (get comfy for this)
1. J and I don't have a good relationship like she and her BF do because we don't violently argue and beat each other up like they do.
2. J isn't a real man because he changes diapers. Also, he's not a real man because he does things for me without me asking.
3. I control my husband by "making" him change diapers and take care of his daughter.
4. J and I have NEVER known what it's like to struggle - with ANYTHING.
5. Everyone in town feels sorry for us, talks smack about us, and laughs at us behind our backs. When I asked for names, she said "I'll never betray my friends".
6. Her BF is more of a man because he changes 2 kids' diapers rather than 1 (see #2 in this list and figure that one out...yeah).
7. Her BF is a man because he does things for her without her asking (again, see #2)
Not only that, but MIL was on the receiving end of it Saturday morning because she went to their house and the front door was wide open (not unlocked, WIDE OPEN) and she wanted to make sure the 4 yr old was still in the house and SIL proceeded to tell her to eff off and leave her family alone and slammed the door in her face.
All this spawned from J and I getting iPhones - yeah...THAT was what triggered this. The fact that J and I for iPhones because our cells were up for upgrade and Scarlett broke J's phone by chewing on it. I get that she's jealous, and an addict. I get that she's angry and bitter. I get that she sees how happy J and I are with each other and how we parent Scarlett, but we've NEVER rubbed anything in her face or pointed anything out to her. I just don't get how I'm almost 4 years younger than her and I'm more mature than she is.
Sorry for this to be a pity party/vent, but apprently I don't have friends IRL who don't laugh at me, so...
Re: Why do I have to be the only grown up?
I hope you stay true to your words and really do stay done with her! She is so manipulative and abusive to you guys! I have family that acts like her, and I have never been as happy as I am now that I finally just cut them out of my life. I know it's really hard to do sometimes, but you have to look out for yourself and Scarlett.
I feel bad for her kids, though.
I'm sorry, Lolo. Get those vents out!
I was wondering this too. Sounds like a terrible situation for everyone involved. I'm really sorry.
If it's any consolation, my dh and I also have an extremely unhealthy, flawed relationship because we rarely scream at other -- at least according to my friend who regularly gets into screaming matches with her man.
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You don't deserve this, I know you know that. And I know how hard it is to move on and cut someone out of your life. But you need to put some distance between your family and hers. Hopefully, TX will do that
I thought she sounded like an addict before you mentioned it in your post. I know how painful this is b/c their actions aren't always controlled by the person, there is always an outside influence. Doesn't help with the hurt though.
You have served your time and this goes beyond acceptable behaviour. It is time for the Panda family to step back from her. Maybe at some time in the future she will be able to treat you with respect and appreciation.
I'm sorry for the trouble and the pain. You deserve better. ((Hugs))
All my best!
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There are things that have happened to the children that according to her have been "explainable", but the stories she makes up don't make sense. MIL is very concerned for the children, and would like to do something about it, but SIL has made it clear that if MIL gets involved, she'll no longer be allowed to see her grandchildren and she lives for them.
Until this point, I hadn't really known the full extent of her addiction so I was really ignorant to what was really going on. I've never been on the receiving end like this until Friday.
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If you are saying that CPS should be involved...though I am not trying to assume it just sounds like this might be what you are getting at...then CPS needs to get involved. If there is a real issue they will remove the children from the home and they will give the children to a family member who is capable of caring for the children until things are sorted out. Sorted out legally that is. So your MIL should not let the fear of not seeing her grandkids from getting help for her DIL. Ultimately if it is bad and there is a major problem the children could be at a risk that would cease her from having access to them permanently. That sounds terrifying and extreme but if she is driving with the kids or leaving the front door open and the children run out and get hit by cars because mom cant stay sober enough to maintain a safe environment....
I think if things are as bad as they are sounding they are...then someone needs to do something.
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EJ is growing up too fast!
I completely agree with PKW. CPS exists for a reason, and they don't release the name of who reported the mother. Fear of not seeing the children anymore should not get in the way of keeping the kids safe.
Unfortunately, it may be you who needs to make the call and get the ball rolling.