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if one of you (parents) is against organized religion-?
so i called school today to see how belle did at lunch and she didn't put any food on any kids plates (but that could just mean she liked everything today) so i asked if i could talk to her (she didn't believe me that i'd be checking up on her so I wanted her to know mommy IS watching, lol) so i said belle i am so proud of you. good job ect.
she said thanks mommy...oh yah can we go to church with kadeeja? i was floored. i said ok honey we will talk about this when we get home.
kadeeja and makayla her lil minons or bff's at school go to church (maykayla's mom has mentioned this to me in a conversation)
ken is like HELLS no. he's NOT a fan of organized religon. doesn't believe in heaven and hell really. all that fun stuff.
i on the other hand. am not a FAN of organized religon. but i do have beliefs. heck i was raised catholic and recieved communion. some of that just sticks with you. and i NEED to believe in something more but thats just me. i don't go to church nor do i have any desire to.
i have no idea what religion kadeeja is. nor do i even KNOW her mom. so i can't ask. but i have been waiting for this to happen. i knew eventually she'd show an interest because of the kids at school and the different ethnicities we encounter.. and i want her to make her OWN decisions on if she wants to be relgious or not and WHAT religon she can chose.
hypothetically-would you send your kid to church with someone else's parents. (granted in this instance i think its a passing phase just like the happy napper) but i know this will come up again some day. just curious?
Re: if one of you (parents) is against organized religion-?
The way I grew up, if I was invited to attend church or synagogue I was always permitted to attend. (We never were regular church goers, not even just Xmas and Easter church goers but, I'd still say I was raised to believe in God and the 10 comandments) This spoke volumes to me about making my own decisions and about my parents confidence in theirs.
I think she should go, especially becasue it doesn't sound like there's any conversion-like things going on here. Just two friends who want to see what the other lives like
Hell no.
I'm not "against' organized religion for others. I mean, I'll never quite understand or be able to relate to people who are into it, but to each his own. But in the scenario you described, it sounds like you and Ken need to have a serious sit-down about what you as a couple agree to in terms of exposing the kids to religion moving forward. What's acceptable to you both? I'd imagine that Belle telling you on a whim that she wants to go to church with a school friend whose parents and church you know nothing about wouldn't fit the bill. What if she comes home and tells you she loves it and wants to go every week?
i wouldn't send my child somewhere public with parents I did not know - period... but I would have no problem letting my kids attend any church/temple, etc, with a friend who asked, if I knew the parents and trusted they'd watch my child, etc.
i have no problem exposing them to religions. We go to church- Griffin knows about Jesus, etc - and i'd be fine with him going to any other type church to experience it.... but again- only with parents I knew. I don't send my children places that I'm not with them unless I know teh adults in charge.
i think this is coming from the fact that the makayla and kadeeja talk about church together when they play. and it has peaked her interest since its something we DON'T do. she also wants a tv in her room (i have NO idea where that is coming from but THAT aint happening)
whats really interesting about ken is he's ALL about diversity and culture.but he's very against this idea. and i am not saying i am sending her. i don't know these people at all. so until i MEET kadeeja's mom this is a non issue for now.
clearly we are going to discuss this. i am very much of the idea let her make her own choices (but at 4 i think she's a bit young incapable to really make an informed decision like this)
she's also the same kid who asked me last week why we aren't black like kadeeja and makayla or spanish like costly? so clearly she's becoming aware of her surroundings and the people around her
I think the diversity aspect is great. I just don't know that at 4, she's going to get what's going on. I also get what didntelope is saying about - what if she wants to go all the time? And that's why I think the invite is sort of odd at 4 yrs old. When I was going to church with my friends I was 11. My mom knew the parents, it was the town church, and I was already doing my own thing. Four strikes me as, let me let the child like it and have fun, then she'll bring her parents and they'll see the error of their ways not accepting xyz as their religion.
But, I am biased since they've started dressing up hot girls, letting them loose in garden state plaza, having them come up to you feigning the desire to ask you a regular question, then get into whether you've accepted Jesus as you're savior. So, I'm wary.
A kid named Costly, well if nothing its accurate they sure are.
I would let them go with the child and ask them about it when they got home. I was raised Catholic but was allowed to attend other religous services/events. My parents wanted me to understand there were a variety of beliefs, learn about them and learn to respect them. I loved going to a Cedar Supper!
lol that is HILARIOUS.
I don't think the mom has invited her anywhere. i think this is just a passing talking between kids. i was just curious what OTHER parents would do. and again i'd need to know what church they go to and make sure kadeeja's mom is "normal" not a crack head or a religious zealot.
she also had a princess and a tiara in her class
costly the name cracks me up. but seriously he's the CUTEST KID EVER. and the one that belle likes to put her food onto his plate
No, at this age I would not send W to church/temple/mosque with anyone. This is going to happen with us as well. We are not religious. J just doesn't care but I'm pretty much anti Organized Religion. And personally don't believe in any of it. As he gets older, if he shows interest in learning about different religions/cultures then I will speak to the parents of friends or help him learn in other ways but I need to know it's not because he feels like he doesn't fit in or something like that.
I can remember the moms on the playground asking my mom why we weren't at CCD. When my mom explained that we weren't Catholic (not a popular thing in my uber Italian Catholic town) they told her that she should send us anyway cause all our friends were there. No, I'm not kidding. And I can remember being teased for not going. So if I know his interest is coming from a negative place like that...no, he won't be going. If he's generally interested in learning about it, that's fine.
I kind of feel like this isn't something you can just wing. I think there's a fuzzy line between giving your kid a broad "world view" and -- dare I say it? -- hypocrisy when you're faced with an uncomfortable option after proclaiming yourself the equal opportunity enabler of religious exploration. Where do you draw the line? Is it when she wants to go to a synagogue? A mosque? A Santeria altar?
You (not you specifically, Marie, but generically) can either do what you're comfortable with until you're no longer comfortable and then explain to your kid at that point why, or you can set the game rules now and stick to them.
my family actually asked me this question. what if she wanted to go a synagogue or mosque. and i am fine with that. (i have no idea what a santeria altar is but i am not sure im game for that one)
but your right. i need to figure out where i draw the line.
I don't understand this argument. Can you explain? You don't have to if you don't want to. The way the OP phrased the post, I didn't get the idea that it was the type of religion that was trublesome but, instead religion as an insitution in and of itself. That's where I'm having trouble with your line drawing analogy.
Sure thing! And it's not an "argument" I'm making here; I'm just throwing out food for thought...
To me, it's very good and noble to say you want your minor children to make their own decisions about X, in this case, religion, but in reality -- is it practical, or even a truly honest thing to say with zero hesitation? It seems to me that they should agree first about what that really means to them, and what level of participation they'll (for lack of a better term) allow before they tell Belle to go to a friend's church. Most likely, it's a whim and she'll move on after she goes once, but if she says she wants to go every week and they haven't already agreed on how to handle that, or they decide they don't like the church (for whatever reason), or the kid's parents (for whatever reason), or they don't want to commit to taking her themselves every week, what message are they sending her by denying her this opportunity?
Wow, I really like you.
That makes perfect sense. And please don't be offened. I'm a lawyer, everything I say/read is an argument lol
totally agree with this. I think 8 would be a better time. They can contextualize stuff and comprehend so much more.
all valid points. ken and i will have to discuss this cause i am sure it will come up again some day (my mom already wants to take her to church and i ixnay'd that because thats not BELLE stating she wants to do it its someone else imposing their beliefs onto her)
At Belle's age I wouldn't let her go. If she were 7, 8 or older I would.
My best friend often came to church with me, and I occasionally went to temple with her. It's interesting to get exposure to different things.
Marie, we had that too..."Well, I'll just take him with me to church then." Um, no, he's not a doll you show off, lol. He's OUR child. When she finally (kinda) accepted that we weren't baptizing him J asked me if I would be ok if she did it herself. UM NO. Again, he's our child - we make the decisions. He's so aloof and non-caring about the whole thing that he just wants to make her happy & shut up. But I'm not down.
Ir would really depend upon who it is. We don't practice anything but aren't against it per say. Definitely not someone I do t know well. Plus we want to be involved in his world views. It's funny, though, my best friend wants to do SOMETHING with her kids but neither she nor her husband believe in anything (her husband is actually anti it all) so she lets her 5 y/o go to church weekly with her cousin and participate in activities.
I personally believe that even if you don't practice or believe its I,portent that your children get a view on why and be given the opportunity to learn more, even at a young age.
I wasn't clear. I would let him go to someone else's house of worship if he was older and I knew it wasn't a witnessing thing. Not at four. And like I said, I'd have to know what the story was- know what it's about. I just meant no one is sucking in the family to a conversion, but if he was older and asked to go to church with a friend that I knew I wouldn't have a problem with that.
When I first read it, I assumed she knew these people..
This post brings up an issue that I see that boggles my mind - there is a definite line that is sometimes crossed between being liberal and open minded - and so liberal and open minded that people are actually CLOSED minded.
In my mind, if you are going to want your child to be open minded and accepting, and have them make their own decisions about faith and things of that nature, you need to expose them to those things.
Now, at four should it be done? Personally, I'd hesitate to send my four year old to a different place of worship, because even at six, Lia is still coloring in church and only now showing glimpses that there's something more going on around her. I'd wait a few more years and then when she shows interest you'll know she's ready and you'll have some time to instill YOUR values in her. It will be less confusing for her I think if she knows where you and Ken stand when she visits other faiths.
I'm not a fan of organized religion however, I am open to having faith or a higher power. DH & I are agnostic. We except that there is a higher power we are just not comfortable conforming to one religion or another. With that being said, I would definitly let DD go to church w/ her friends. It's a way of letting her explore other cultures & starting her on a road to finding her own way. I know that is probably a bit to much expectation for a small child but maybe not. One never knows what or when people get inspired.
Just like my daughter expressed an interest in ballet & I enrolled her in classes I'd do the same with religion. I would never deny her something to grow as an individual as long as it was safe.
Like I said, we are not religious. I was raised & confirmed in the Catholic Church though. This year DD asked me why we celebrate Christmas & why we give gifts. So I told her the story of the birth of Jesus & why we give gifts to celebrate his birth. She really enjoyed the story and it helped her understand why we celebrate the holiday. Do I have a full belief in the Catholic faith? No but I do know that it is a story from a book that should be shared with her. When she gets older & can think in a more abstract way she can start to explore her own faith. I have no problem helping her in that exploration with whatever knowledge I can provide.