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Do I stay or do I go?
I am so confused... We have been married for almost 7 years now. Of course we have had our arguements, but it has never come down to this. Yesterday we filled out divorce paperwork. I got all the way down to the courthouse and wasn't able to actual file. I am sure it is different for everyone, but how do you know when it is just time to go? It hurts so much right now... I am pretty sure this will be the last effort to save our marriage, but we are meeting with a conselor today. Is there an easy way to realize we may just not be right for each other. I want both of us to be happy. I have come to realize it comes down to each of our needs...He has needs I can't meet for him and vice versa. I love him so much, but again, we both deserve to be happy.
Re: Do I stay or do I go?
Need more info.
"He has needs I can't meet for him and vice versa".
What does this mean?
Because of health issues, he is currently not working. Most arguements stem from me wanting stuff done around the house while I am at work. I get frustrated when those types of things are not done. He feels I am being demanding by wanting the housework done (dishes, wash, nothing extravegant). He would like more intimacy, but I have been working so much that, that part of our relationship is kind of boring and predictable. I do get the feeling that there are trust issues as well. I have never given him a reason not to trust me, and would thing the trust should be there after almost 10 years together.
Have the two of you ever done any counseling (together or separately)?
Have these issues always been there or have they only started now that he's out of work?
If you've been together for 10 years and you've always had issues with intimacy and shared responsibilities then I'd say it's past time to go. However, if you only started having these problems after he stopped working then there's a chance he's depressed. Someone's who's used to working and is suddenly forced to stop because of health issues is going to lose a large part of their sense of self.
I say give therapy a try if this is something that just started. But remember, both of you need to be committed to fixing it.
And like I said before, if this has always been a problem, then you've been in that marriage too long already.
I really think, with the issues you've posted, you should hold off on divorce.
The things you've mentioned so far seem pretty easy to clear up with couple's counseling.
eta: Is he the one who brought up divorce? 'Cause now I'm wondering if he's a bit of a fruitcake to throw out divorce (to the point where you're actually at the courthouse) when it seems like you're having normal,easy-to-deal-with problems.
What kind of health problems?
if he can do housecleaning why cant he work outside the home?
why did it take a trip to the courthouse to get him/you to go to counseling?
is counseling goingto teach him to do housework?
I hope things go well for you in counseling. I'm sorry you had to get to your breaking point before the two of you could agree to go.
Oh and just wanted to say, cool, I was a Radtke, too.