Colorado Nesties
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Do your parents remember your kids' birthdays?

I never type anything bad about my family because I love them so much and don't want anyone thinking negatively about them; however, neither my mom nor my sister acknowledged DD's 2nd birthday yesterday.  They both live in Seattle and I think they both flat out forgot.  I've been talking to my sister a lot in the past week about getting together with my aunt/uncle for DD's birthday because my aunt's birthday is tomorrow so my sister definitely had a hint that it was approaching.  I don't think my mom even knows what month my kids were born.  If I confronted my sister, she would probably be surprised that she was "supposed" to do anything at all for her birthday.  If I confronted my mom, she would be embarrassed that she forgot.  

My feelings are really hurt.  My dad died a few years ago so my only family (besides aunts/uncles/cousins) is my mom and twin sister.  My dad was notorious for having a horrible memory so to counteract that, he was always really good about putting stuff in his Outlook calendar.  I can't help but think about how he would have sent some gifts and a card AND called.  I understand not being able to recall my kids' birthdays on the spot but that's what calendars are for!  (They're both terrible at technology, however, so it's not like they even know what Outlook is.)  I wouldn't have wanted either one of them to buy a gift because they need to save their money but I did expect a card and a phone call.  DD is obviously oblivious since she's only two but DH's entire family all sent gifts, cards, and posted on Facebook.  I really would have been thrilled with just a phone call.  

I know my mom loves my kids but she's spent so little time around them that she probably doesn't feel a real connection to them.  She told me recently that she was embarrassed because someone came over to her house and asked if she had a single picture of her grandkids out.  She didn't/doesn't.  I've sent her some but I do all my updating online.  She's just never showed a ton of interest so I'm just feeling hurt.  DH's mom harasses us if we go too long without adding a video to YouTube, posting a pic to Facebook or updating our family blog.  My mom doesn't check any of those.

Do your parents (who live far away and aren't involved in your kids' daily lives) remember their birthdays without having to be reminded by you that it's coming up?  Am I being silly?  I know DD doesn't know the difference but it's just the principle to me.  FWIW, I'm close to my sister and mom so it's not like we're estranged or anything like that. 

Re: Do your parents remember your kids' birthdays?

  • My mom has a ton of guilt around not being present in my dd's life on a daily basis.  A lot of it stems from my other sisters living in the same town as her and she gets to see my 2 nephews every day since she picks them up from school.  As a result, my parents always send an overwhelming amount of gifts for Christmas and birthdays and other holidays or randomness around the year.  They don't usually call on the day, though.  What gets my goat is my 2 sisters (30 and 19).  They never send gifts much less call dd on her birthday or Christmas, but we always send gifts and call them.  My nephews just had birthdays earlier this month and we sent them gift cards.  I haven't even heard if they received them.  At this point, I'm over it and just don't expect anything. 
    imageBaby Birthday Ticker Ticker

  • I don't have kids.  I can tell you that I don't really remember exactly what days our niece's birthdays are.  I could tell you the month and probably guess within a week or so of the day.  We always send a gift though- I just try to send it far enough in advance that it will be there for the day.

    In my family, birthdays are not that big a deal.  My aunts and uncles didn't usually acknowledge our birthdays. My grandparents usually would send a card, maybe including some money.  

  • My brother didn't send anything for V's birthday this year until a month later. But I think it's because he was traveling for work. 

    Neither of our parents have ever forgotten. 

  • My maternal grandmother was always great about sending cards (and I kept them all) and she had 13 grandkids.  My mom's only grandchildren are my two kids.  I will admit that birthdays were always a big deal in my family because I have a twin sister so there was lots of excitement surrounding our big day.  

    I only know the month my nieces were born (DH's brothers' kids) but I will always send a card/gift because my SsIL always do that for my kids.  (I have their birthdays entered in my Google calendar with reminders set.)  I think because it's my sister (and not my SIL or even a brother), I do expect a little more.  I think men are horrible about birthdays, and that's usually forgiven.  If my BsIL weren't married, they wouldn't have a clue about my kids' birthdays - and that's fine.  It's their wives who are responsible for the cards/gifts and I fully get that.  It is so nice of them to always remember, however, and God knows that DH's parents (mom - not so much his dad) would NEVER forget.  With my family, I truly wasn't even that surprised that they forgot.
     
    Another thing I'm still not over (while I'm on a roll - ha!) ... My mom knew when I went into labor with both of my kids.  As soon as I had them, I called her and BOTH TIMES her phone was turned off.  I left several messages (both times) and she eventually called me back about eight hours later (both times).  I'm still bitter.  We really don't have that kind of relationship.  It's just always stuff surrounding my kids when she seems so uninvolved.
  • I am so sorry!  that is really sad and I would be upset you aren't being silly at all.  My mom flies out from MI every year for DS's birthday (he just turned 6).  my dad always sends a card with $$.  my inlaws live in town but remember as do all of DH's aunts/uncles - he gets cards from all 4 of them.  some of my aunts will send DS a card as well.  Birthdays were big for us growing up - huge parties with everyone always invited.  so that has carried over.
    image
  • my parents live in germany and my mom always remembers the kids' birthdays.  our kids are the only grandkids, though.  i don't know if she reads our family blog on a regular basis, but i do know she keeps up with stuff on facebook. dh's parents are local so they see the kids on a regular basis.
  • Both families live nearby and are present in our kids' lives. Start in April of last year, I talked with MIL about DD's bday in July. I showed her the invite. She even offered to host at her house if we ended up selling ours beforehand...yet, somehow, I get a call out of the blue saying that she planned a vacation that weekend and wouldn't be coming to the party. I'll be honest, I was devestated. How could you forget when I sent out numerous emails, showed you the invite and talked about the cake I was going to make. Then SIL flaked because E had been sick that previous week and she didn't want her DD to get sick. I guess she couldn't come on her own or even send her DH. No one was there from DH's side of the family and it still hurts. I never admitted how much but it really did.

    I am sorry you are dealing with this. hugs

    Robin
    <><
    Tizzle 10/07 ~ Boppy 7/09 ~ Chicken 1/12

    Robin (jason&robin)'s book recommendations, liked quotes, book clubs, book trivia, book lists (currently-reading shelf)

    2014 Reading Goal: 85

  • Well, my Mom and Dad go overboard on holidays, so if you are in her family, you'll get hoopla galore.

    The ILs, who live out of town but see DD often would never forget her birthday, but they generally go way low key, just a card.

    For whatever reason, they aren't big birthday people. But I can't imagine them forgetting.

    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I don't know if my parents would remember without reminders... but they only have one other grandchild. Heck, my parents forgot my birthday growing up. I had to go to the hospital once and they didn't even remember the correct birthday for my hospital bracelet.

     

    DH's parents have no idea when the girls' birthdays are or how old they are- and they're local. They have a lot of grandkids though. 


    image

  • I understand how you feel.  I have something similar.  My ILs are great about remembering the kids' birthdays.  DH's brother is often late but remembers.  However, my family can be another story.  My SIL is usually pretty good about remembering and sending stuff but usually they do not call -- just not their style, which is okay.  My sister lately has been hit or miss.  She completely spaced on getting anything for the kids for Christmas -- not that they need anything but she was going to box up her DS's old Cars stuff and send to DS but left it out so her DS saw it and promptly objected to toys he never plays with leaving the house so she threw up her hands and forgot it.  She also forgot to call me for my 40th bday.  My parents ALSO forgot to call me for my 40th bday.  They prefer to send checks and just have me "pick up something" for the kids.  Not as much thought but I prefer to take the money and dump it in their college accounts.  It is one of those things where they have decided what kind of grandparents they will be and I can't change it.  So frustrating and I might be hurt but I would move on. 


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

  • Thanks for the responses.  My sister doesn't have kids so she would never understand my sensitivity over how close she is to them.  My mom does not have an excuse.  I think I'm going to be annoyed for a while but DH asked me if I'm going to confront them.  I really don't know but I likely won't.  If it comes up naturally, I have no issues telling my family how I feel but I just can't decide if it's even worth it.  My patience is wearing thin with my mom's level of interest in my kids, however.  She would be mortified if she knew I wrote that.  I know she loves them but I do wish she showed it more.  She is very affectionate and close to me so it's just been a surprise.
  • My ILs do, and my mom does. My dad and stepmom, not so much. It's a little sad, and fortunately DS is too young to really know any better.
    Old nestie, new name: formerly ckolak:-)
    imageimage
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    Mama's Gonna Buy You A Mockingbird
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards