If you read my intro you may or may not be interested to know that "BF," now to be referred to as C because labels are really getting to me are on an unofficial break.
Basically after my intro/communication post we had some more serious conversations about the why behind the lack of communication on his part and turns out he had just recently found out he could not financially make it work to get his teaching certificate this summer. He currently works way to many hours in an IT department when he really wants to teach/write. He told me that he was really down and when he gets like that he is bad at opening up to anyone - I am glad even though he "shuts down" he realizes it and told me.
So then I got a text on Friday that his 4 year old rescue dog has cancer. I was just leaving work and didn't want to reply via text or wait 45 min until I got home - so I called him. He was really upset, we tried to talk about his dog but he could barley talk about it without getting really upset. He told me that right now he is having a hard time with everything so it is hard to focus on anything else right now. He soon had to get off the phone because I could hear he was about to completely loose it.
So after some thought, even before this, and talking to my brother and a good friend - I have decided to just be there for him as a friend right now because I think that is what he needs and all he can handle - and it would not hurt me either to take a step back. So I wrote him an email this weekend simply stating that I was here for him in whatever capacity he needed me for and I would and will always be a friend to him first (since we have been friends since birth). Signed it with my usual "Love" because I do and that is how we have always signed off on things since it was said.
So that is the update. I can't turn off my feelings, but I can try and re-harness my focus and have faith that after all this stuff he is going through passes, if it is meant to be it will be.
Thanks for reading.
Re: An unofficial break - little long