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Furstrated with my Mom (PR) - Long Rant and What to do/say?
My mom and I have never been close, but its been better since I moved out a few years ago. If I'm around her too long, we tend to argue. Recently her favorite topic has been my pet "parenting".
It started small before we moved. Dakota has a nervous pee (when she's excited when people visit kinda thing) so we always take her out side first to meet people when they visit so when she pees it's outside. We know its going to happen and the vet said there's not much we can do.
Anyway - she knows this will happen. She will announce that Dakota is peeing when she does it and then chastises me for "allowing" her to pee. Then proceeds to tell me Dakota shouldn't be allowed inside because she will only pee more. She acts like the nervous pee is disgusting.
She even started in on our pet food - I want to feed them a higher
quality. I've convinced H to feed them Diamond Dog Food (better than the
Kibbles n' Bits he fed before). It's not the greatest, but improvement.
She doesn't think we need to - dog food is dog food in her opinion.
I could deal with this, but when we moved its gotten worse. She came to visit and started in on our dogs being outside. We now have a wonderful fenced in yard. She's more or less insisting that we should "chain" our dogs outside when we're gone (which is about 8 hours for work). Jasper should not be in a crate (it's not humane) and the dog will be happier outside and refuses to believe that the dog sleeps the majority of the day...She more or less told me I didn't know what I was doing and we should have so many pets if we can't handle it.
When I say insisting, I mean full out argument. She even called me (yes CALLED on the PHONE) last night to ask when she should bring the dog house (was used for the family dog who passed in 2006, barely used) and when to bring the stake/chain (also from the previous pet).
I don't know how to get through to her that we do not want these things and we will not be using her suggestions and to prevent future arguments. Our dogs are very happy with our current situation, at least I think so. I don't need to convince her I'm right and she's wrong, I really just want get to get off my case...
Any ideas on how to deal with her? Are we doing the wrong thing with crating/supervised outside time?
Re: Furstrated with my Mom (PR) - Long Rant and What to do/say?
Have you told her just to drop it once and for all? This isn't really a pet problem or a "who's right/who's wrong" problem; it's an overbearing mom problem. If a grown woman doesn't know how to drop an issue, doesn't really what the subject is, you know?
If you haven't done this already, try saying something like "Mom, enough. We disagree on pet care but neither way is wrong*. I'm not going to change my mind, so stop bringing it up. I don't want to hear about it anymore." Then when she starts, change the subject, cut the phone call short, or leave the room, whatever it takes to end the conversation.
*Although I do think that feeding your pets crap and leaving them outside all the time is very wrong. But reiterating that will get you nowhere.
Quincy and Dexter, new BFFs
I used to be kris216.
Ditto all of this. You just have to put your foot down. If she brings it up again, ask her to leave, hang up the phone, end the conversation, whatever.
When your mom starts in on any of these things (peeing, food, chaining, etc.), simply say, "It's not up for discussion" and end the conversation. That means hanging up or walking away as necessary. Rinse and repeat. Simply refuse to engage her on any of these topics.
Oh, and you are absolutely doing the right thing by crating and supervising your pup while outside. That's how you keep your dog safe! I am a huge believer in crate training for many reasons (housebreaking and the dog's safety are two big ones).
Ditto all.
You just have to put your foot down. Your mom seems to be the type of woman who thinks her way is the only way, whether it's the best out there or not, so putting forth any sort of logical argument probably won't get you anywhere.
And I also agree that you are absolutely doing the right thing for your dogs by crating and supervising outside time. That's how we do it with Zoey and she's a perfectly well-adjusted and happy 9-month-old pup. I hate the people that argue that dogs lived in the wild before we came along, so why shouldn't they be fine outside now? Uh...because man brought a whole host of dangers along with him! Durr! But I digress...
B/w 1/8: betas 17,345, progesterone 25.6
"You are my mother and I love you, but the way I choose to raise my pets is not up for discussion. I am an adult, I have researched pet foods, behavior, and the best way to care for animals, and I believe that what I have chosen is the best way for me and my dogs. I appreciate your concern, but in the future, if I want to know how you feel about it, I know I can ask you."
The end. And every time she tries to bring it up, "This is not up for discussion". The end. Shut it down.
I've had to do this with my mom before. It sucks, but don't get mad, don't engage. Just be matter of fact.
Snow!
<a href="http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=HTML&utm_campaign=tickers" title="Home DThanks guys! I'm totally going to try this - but it's going to be super hard. My mom's not really one to take the word "No" very well...
At least we don't have human kids O_o
I don't even want to think what will happen then - especially since she has an education degree, and early childhood development degree, and owns a private Montessori School. So, this should be good practice for "someday"!