Confession

CarFar

I dislike the saying "one and done" when referring to children. 

Makes it seem like it was an obligation to have at least one child, but I'm certainly not doing THAT again, or that only children lack something because their parents are "done" and "over" the kid thing. 

 

Maybe as an only child I'm ultra sensitive to people's thoughts on " my kind" but I'm just not a fan.

 

pink.dutch.tulips

fwiw, i originally wanted 2 but age and finances ended up limiting us to 1.

abvernon

I understand where you are coming from however everyone's situation is different.

Given the fact we are still trying to have one and our ages are a factor is the reason we are more than likely to will have one.

CarFar

abvernon:

I understand where you are coming from however everyone's situation is different.

Given the fact we are still trying to have one and our ages are a factor is the reason we are more than likely to will have one.

 

Appearantly I have mis represented my thoughts.

I have no issues with having only one.

That is my problem with the saying, I think it judges people who only want/ only have 1. We will most likely only have one due to the cost for us of adoption/ lack of fertility I think everyone's reproduction/ family expansion should be off limits TI judgement. ( well, ok, I kinda judge the Duggars)

Passanie

I thought it was typically people who only want one child who use that phrase?

mrscerruti2be

What about two and through?  I get it.  I think people just like to be ryhmyey and clever.

hannikan

Yeah, I think it's just a clever way of saying stop asking me if I'm having more children in the future. I actually think it's supposed to have the opposite impact than you are feeling, C. There are also cases of couples who are only physically capable of having one child. My grandparents wanted more than one but my grandma couldn't have any more children after my dad.

pkw

I say it because it is something people understand means "don't ask."

I say it in an extremely positive way because I love having my one and I hate having people attempt to tell me I am making a bad decision. So if I say "done" that means the discussion is closed and people respond generally well, unless they are super lame an try and push the issue.  Most people just nod and say "cool, at least you know what works best for your family." I love that because even if they dont understand my "choice," they can respect it. 

pkw

And, I just want to add...

I am sorry if my using this term upsets you.  It was never my intention and as a mom of one, and as a mom who only plans to have one....I think one is fabulous so I think your being a only is pretty special and I hope you don't feel bad about that.   

CarFar

PKW:

And, I just want to add...

I am sorry if my using this term upsets you.  It was never my intention and as a mom of one, and as a mom who only plans to have one....I think one is fabulous so I think your being a only is pretty special and I hope you don't feel bad about that.   

 

Meh it's just one of those silly things/ terms that bothers me a little.  I'm not losing sleep over it.

I'm glad it works for you to say it and people respect it for the most part. As I said before it just seems to me that the whole use of it stems from people's judgement (one way or another) of people and their choices on family planning, and I don't think  people should need to defend their choices in this regard. 

 

hannikan

You're right, people shouldn't have to. It's a reality unfortunately.

leolyns

hannikan:

Yeah, I think it's just a clever way of saying stop asking me if I'm having more children in the future.

I think this too, it's really nobody's business if you're planning to have more but you still get asked. I've heard "one and done" as well as "our one and only".

Gannon

I totally feel ya I think I got your point, I didn't think you were against 1 or any number of kids.

I'm an only kid too (kind of, only one for my mom but my dad had another when I was 22). I, too, take offense when people say that there is something inherently (sp?) wrong with only children (this is why I will never take Bryant Gumble seriously again - a$$!). There is no 'right' way to parent, and this includes the number of kids.

I think there is a ton of pressure on people to A) have kids and have another. So I get the quick response of 'one and done' as a way to shut people up. It is more polite than telling them to mind their own f*ing business. There is nothing wrong with having one (as though it were anyone elses damn business in the first place!), nor is there anything wrong with having more. It is up to each family to decide

RoxysMama

people already ask us when we are going to have another baby. all i say is dd is only 5 weeks old. we arent even cleared to have sex again.

 ppl will always stick their noses in other ppls business 

Rock-n-Voll

I can't say I've ever interpreted this saying the way you're describing and still don't really see how it can imply obligation or judgment.  I agree with PP that I think people are just trying to be clever and rhyme-y in explaining their family planning--which, I agree, should never have to be explained to anyone.