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Nothing like going to a wedding with the man who is divorcing you!
STBX has been in town visiting our children this week. It's been okay,with only 1 blow up (it just happened to be in the doctor's office in front of people, which I posted about on the WTF thread). One of our friends got married today, so we all piled up in the car like one big happy family and went to the wedding. Can I just say that I wanted to dig my elbow into his ribs every time they said "FAITHFUL" and "Only unto him/her" during the wedding? I'm not even sure it fazed him, but there were a few times that I almost giggled at the thought of elbowing him.
And he goes home tomorrow! I can't wait to have my life back. I never thought I was cut out for this life, but now that we have our own routine here, I hate when he comes and expects everything to run as it did when we were a 2-parent household. Sure, it's nice to have someone else in the house sometimes, but I've come to really enjoy my own space!
Re: Nothing like going to a wedding with the man who is divorcing you!
Definitely not unhealthy. I have an in-law suite in my basement, which is where he stays when he visits. It's my call each time, and if it ever becomes a problem for me, I can tell him to get a hotel. Since I work at home and take care of my toddler during the day, and have a 5 year old with special needs that needs to stay on the same routine as much as possible, sending them off to a hotel with him for visitation right now would end up being worse for them than having him here. It's an annoyance for me, sure, but I'm not sitting around dreaming of getting back together, or crying over him when he heads back home. It's just a minor annoyance I'm dealing with for a few days, then he'll go home. I think it's funny that acting like adults and co-parenting (even if only for a few days at a time) is seen as unhealthy. Is he an a-hole? OH YEAH, but I am to the point in our divorce process where I can see him for what he is, roll my eyes, and get on with my life. I deal with difficult people all the time, it's just a fact of life.
We only sat together for the ceremony so we could tag team the kids. DS's BFF was in the wedding and the bride's kids and MOH's kids are all really close to my kids, so they were also invited to the wedding. Even though it was a small wedding, we didn't even see each other much at the reception since we were mingling and talking to people.
I hope you don't feel too ganged up on here, but I have to agree with the other two posters. I don't think you having him at the house and going out like you are all still a family is healthy for anyone, especially your children. It sucks for them that you are getting a divorce, but they are going to have to learn that daddy and mommy don't live together any more. They don't live in the same house. They don't go out to social events together.
I know it sucks, because I went through the exact same thing. My ex moved away when he moved out, and when he visited, he used to stay in my guest bedroom. My therapist that I was seeing at the time strongly encouraged me to separate myself from him. Yes, it will be challenging for your kids to visit him in his hotel, but this is your lives now. He will have visits, and they should not include living in your house and hanging out all together.
Please know, I am in no way judging. I am just passing along my experiences to you. The sooner you separate your lives from each other, the sooner everyone, especially your kids, will begin to heal.