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UGH anxiety!!! (aka family drama)
LOOOOONG story short, after my grandfather passed away, there's been a feud between my mother and uncle. My grandmother, aunt, and I are caught in the middle.
My mother wanted to create a trust to protect the home she lives in, which is owned by my grandparents and which she is supposed to eventually inherit. My uncle is bitter about that (which I never understood, as he is supposed to inherit my grandparent's other property). He refused to let my mom do the trust with my grandmother until the property he would inherit sold. Well...a miracle happened and the finally house sold. WHEW!
But...he is still refusing to do the trust. It's not his decision, it's my grandmother's and she is willing to do it for my mom. But he threatens to cut off my grandmother and take my mom to court. My mother is freaking out right now cause her fears have come true, and the second house has sold, and my uncle STILL won't do the trust. She just called me frantically crying and wants me to do something about it. I have no clue what i'm supposed to do. I have battled my uncle for my mom before with little results. I can't stand to hear her so distraught. I know it's all material possessions, and people shouldn't get so crazy over it. But she's disabled, this is her home, and she wants to have it protected if something happens to my grandmother. It's so disgusting that my uncle is standing in the way, because my grandfather was always proud to leave his children with a house each. He worked hard for that and this is not what he wanted.
More than anything I want my family to have peace and be a unit again. This stupid drama about the trust has ruined my family. God forbid something does happen to my grandmother I don't want my mom to lose her home. Its such a mess. 
Re: UGH anxiety!!! (aka family drama)
Okay, good. I thought I was just ignorant to the ways of wills and trusts. These are all of my questions. I'm not piecing together why the other house was sold.
there is a will, a very clear will saying who gets what. but some lawyer told my mother that this is not enough anymore and that she would have to go through probate court if they don't create a trust. so of course that worries her, as this isn't just some extra house she would get, it's the place she lives. she doesn't want to risk losing it just because of my uncle's stubbornness.
we sold the other house because when my grandfather died, my grandmother was there by herself. It was too large of a house with stairs, etc. for her to be there by herself. She hasn't taken care of herself since he died (ex. stopped eating, stopped going outside). So she moved in above my mom so that my mom could take care of her.
we all decided it was best to sell the house so that we wouldn't have to worry about shoveling/taking care of the extra property. my uncle gets the money from that house. it's in a bank now with my grandmother and his name on it. so he's sitting pretty while my mom is freaking out.
What is the point of a will then? I guess because there is a mortgage on the property? Maybe?
I mean, wills often go through probate but if the will is correctly done, that shouldn't be a problem.
Again, what is your grandmother's take on all this because it doesn't really matter what Uncle McScrooge wants or doesn't want? It's up to Grandma, assuming she still have her facilities.
My grandmother had a trust in addition to the will and you are correct it does make it stronger and easier.
But no matter what is done legally, someone can always put you through the ringer emotionally and legally. If he is hell bent on being an assholio, there is not a lot that can be done about that.
We had difficulty with my father's family when my other grandmother died. It is just a suckfest all around.
My uncle pretty much blackmails my grandmother saying he will never speak to her again if she does the trust for my mother without him being there, and before he is good and ready. He is such an a**shole!!!! She is an old -school Sicilian woman, so the minute my grandfather died, my uncle became the "patriarch" and the head of the family. (yeah right). But in her eyes, this is how it is, so what he says goes, even if it's unfair to her daughter. Its a messed up situation. I don't know what I can say to my uncle to make him go. He did swear to me that once the house was sold, he would do the trust with my mother. I dont' know why he's resisting still. I think I hate him. Cause he's causing all this stress for no reason. My mother is a stroke survivor and seriously doesn't need this ridiculous stress.
That is all very frustrating NYC. My Italian family had many issues with my freeloading uncle. They totally let him get away with anything, handed him fistfuls of dollars on a regular basis, all because he was the oldest male.
For those reasons, and many, many more, we cut him out of our lives once the older generation passed. As awful as it is to say, it was a relief to no longer deal with him.
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
Correction, OLD Italians are the worst.
Well, old people are the worst too.
For less then ten cents a day, you can feed a hungry child.
That sucks. Can't grandma just do something without uncle assshole's knowledge?
Can't say I disagree. Stubborn Italians with a grudge take the cake. Grrrrrrrr
I used to work at a title company and you are right about the trust. Wills can be contested, it is rare but it happens. That is why we would never give title insurance based solely on a will and had to wait till probate court.
I do not know a lot about trusts, but can you have one without him knowing ? Also, do you have a brother, cousin or husband who could go with you ? It is a shame, but if grandma needs someone with a p*nis in the same room when you draw up the trust, then so be it.
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
God, I feel like crying or having a panic attack.
Just spoke to my uncle. He is now saying he's going to do the trust...in a month. When he is good and ready. And he uninvited my mother to my aunt's birthday and said if she comes he is calling the cops. What a sweetheart.
If Grandma adds mom to the title now, while everyone is alive and lucid, then it becomes joint property and is no longer probatable. Problem solved. Uncle jerk face has no actual role in any of this and his name should be nowhere near that trust.
It's your grandmother's sole fault your uncle has any say.
Yep.
Your uncle only has any say because he's a male? Really?
Is he the eventual executor of your grandmother's estate? Also, does he have any ownership in the house your mother lives in? Is your grandmother in a good mental state (can she make her own decisions)?
Obviously this is not legal advice (and I haven't done T/E in awhile), but just from reading your posts, I'd agree that nothing can be done unless your grandmother herself takes that action. A trust isn't necessary, or a will, though they help, and other commenters are correct that she could deed the house to your mom now to avoid probate - but your grandmother actually has to take the action to do it.
ETA: I just saw your post that there is a will. Your uncle could challenge it, but do you think he will? And is there any reason to think that it wouldn't stand up to scrutiny (e.g., grandmother's state of mind)? A trust is always more helpful, but if there's a will leaving the house to your mother, your uncle can balk all he wants - he's got no say. I'd be careful, though, that he doesn't convince grandma to change the will.
Thank you all for your wisdom and advice. I really don't know what the heck is gonna happen with these crazy people. Even my mom at this point is driving me bonkers. There was another huge blow out last night, and the police were nearly called.
I spent hours on the phone with my mom, uncle, aunt, grandmother. Its like they all come to me (because Iam the only one in the family who uses logic), and look for my approval of their actions. I try to explain the other side to whoever I'm speaking with and just get yelled at for defending "that jerk" or that "crazy woman". lol. I want to stay out of it. It makes me angry that I'm 29 years old, and I have two people in their 50's arguing like children, looking for MY advice! I am not a lawyer, and I'm not God, I can't control my mother or my uncle's actions. They expect me to get through to the other person, I just can't stand being in the middle anymore. Today I woke up and almost called out of work because the anxiety is really affecting me physically.
It seems you're playing the martyr a bit here too. If you don't want to be involved, don't.