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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: So Pat...
I am now home.
"Let me get this clear... any time someone posts something that's judgy or un-pc, you're going to point out how cu!nty we all really are and clearly you're a better person?"
Yes, from time to time I will.
Thanks to Lauren P. for finding and reposting my "lying sack of sh*t" post to Allie. I said it. I didn't say it nicely and I deserved approbation for the saying of it.
I direct you to two posts that were found for me by others:
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/56232323/ShowThread.aspx
and
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/62552368.aspx
They will be married in the fall. I wish Allie all the best.
Life on here ebbs and flows. People rub other people the wrong way and they get nailed for it. Sometimes it's justified, sometimes it's not. I just find it odd to be approaching this issue the same way and expecting different results.
We all need to do an Ari Gold "hug it out ***" and be done like the guys would.
Well alrighty then. What can I say? I find it silly to keep bringing this up, but it's your energy to waste, Pat, not mine.
One of those PMs was from me right? LOL. About P-way Kindergarten!! hehehe.
Mommy to Stephanie Lena - 2.13.07 and Evan Ralph - 9.23.10
Angel Baby (m/c at 9 weeks) - 1.2.09
Christmas Card Picture - 2011
(aka: the only picture I could get of them together that was not blurry and had them both sitting still!)
Click here for My Bio
The Stephanie Song...click here to listen!
you're welcome. for the record, that took me all of 4 seconds to find. google forgets nothing.
ETA: i don't understand what posting those links accomplished. all it does is make you look like more of an a-hole. unless that was your motivation. then go for it.
I just want to make sure I'm getting this all right. So what you're saying is that us mocking this "Internet Star"; someone who has pimped out her pregnancy,and questionable marriage on the interwebs for personal gain and attention is the same as you calling someone out on a message board meant to provide support to one another about the personal & private decisions they make in their own private life. Right, that's what your saying? That we had no right to get on you about being a judgemental ninny while we all talk trash about a girl who WANTS attention???
I understand the whole, "You put it out there on the internet" thing....I do. But the 2 things are TOTALLY different. THIS (I'd like to think) is a community; a group of women who have known each other for MANY years and provide support. What that girl is doing is pimping herself and her unborn child out for attention.
It is sad to me that you don't see the difference.
*always remembering Annaleigh Lucy*
and i second that
Aw, I feel like Sally Field on Oscar night!
Ya'll aren't to bad either.
Smooches to you as well, Turtle! You're right, but people will do what they do.
Ok, just one more thing. Slinging mud at people for gawking at a blog isn't going to help you improve your reputation on here, Pat. I'm guessing that you care about your reputation, otherwise you wouldn't continue to post. You made people mad, and for good reason. Maybe making a true amends would be better than pointing fingers. That's my 2 fuking cents- not that you asked for them.
At this juncture does her amends really matter? If you were Allie would you want her apologies???
But here's my 2 fuckingcents Pat......keep your opinions on people's personal lives to yourself. I'm sure we all have our opinions on the stuff that is shared here but being blatantly rude to someone about their life choices isn't going to make you many friends.
What?!?! Don't we all know that pee is sterile?? Lol.
Turtle, I see your point. I like to hope that we're all able to redeem ourselves after making huge mistakes-- but putting myself in Allie's shoes, I can admit it would be very hard to forgive.
When there are people that I struggle with, a wise friend has told me to pray for them. I am not a Christian, but am a spiritual person. So Pat, I will pray for you.
but guys! she wished her all the best! that totally makes up for all the sh!tty things she's said to all of us. der.
Well, it's kinda funny you mention that cause we're talking about a woman who gives up the internet for Lent (cause that's what Jesus would want, I think) but likes to publicly criticize other people's life choices.
I'm not commenting on Pat's actions in the Aalliep post, (beacuse it is actually irrelevant to my comment - not to mention that she admitted that it was not nice), but just wanted to not only agree with Kelly on the mob mentality - but take it one step further. Let me see if I get this straight, it is okay to bully - as long as you are bullying the bully? By no means do I think Pat is a bully - I actually know she is not - but based on this and other posts - it seem that most of you do think she is. So taking the majority's thought that Pat is in fact a bully, it is okay to bully her? Call her cunty, along with other childish middle school names? Practice what you preach. It's one thing to stand up to a bully, but once you start bullying yourself - regardless if your victim IS the "bully" - YOU have now become no better. You are now the bully.
I've taught middle school, and honestly, that's what the behavior of this board has been like lately. And people wonder why it's been slow. This place has become TOXIC - it is NOT the tight knit community it once used to be. And before anyone goes claiming that the board is toxic because of comments like those Pat made in her OP - I'm not even arguing that - however your (the general mob) reactions to it were no better. Plenty of people stated nicely and firmly that they thought it was not nice/insensitive, etc. There is nothing wrong with that. But to treat someone the same way (or worse in my opinion) you claim is a vile way to treat people is pretty hypocritical.
I'm not even going to try and stick up for Pat - you all know what I think - and honestly it won't make a damn bit of a difference. I just wanted to point out to all those of you who think you are innocent here by hiding under the cloak of standing up to the bully - you are just as bad - if not worse.
I have no point in debating all day - I've typed and deleted this since last night, but in the end I need to set things straight.
Have I bullied Pat? Really? I think I asked a grown woman some questions about her behavior on this board lately. Pat was clearly hurt by being called a bad name (not defending name calling) and has repeatedly brought it up, and in a way that hasn't been the most mature. I called her out on it. Again, Pat is a big girl. She can take it. She does not mince words with anyone around here- why can't I be frank with her? That's as far as I will entertain this.
I stayed away from this whole thing because I actually don't dislike Pat and have nothing to add really in the original arguments. There are VERY few people I have ill feeling for outside the board. But, I think this is a little over the top.
-Pat can obviously defend herself.
-Pat seems to like the drama. Or why even bring up the cunty thing. Does she REALLY care about the nature mama and the allegedly gay looking husband? I highly doubt it.
-If you dish it out, then be able to take it. This isn't the first or last time something like this is going to happen. I don't think anyone's being bullied. I think that's a harsh word to use. She basically opened a dialogue about hipocracy calling everyone out for poking fun at this highly public blog. I'm pretty sure that girl can take care of herself too. She put all that out there. If she doesn't like the response, she can act accordingly.
Lastly I think there are 1000 other reasons the board is slow. I don't think it's the 3rd grade mentality or it would've been slow a long time ago. I think more people are back to work, the nest is blocked at work, and people are on FB more so they get/share info that way vs coming here. I don't think you can blame the traffic being slow on an incident that just basically started a few days ago.
I did not say you specifically are/were bullying Pat - actually your original post here is simply a question - you being frank with her like you stated above. I am talking about the general "you," some who posted here - and others who have posted in the past on other posts. People have called her really bad names, mocked her abilities as a professional, made fun of her age, etc. They have done the same thing to other posters as well. I know firsthand that she does not need defending - and really I am not defending Pat, but "defending" everyone who typically gets bullied here - and trust me - people do get bullied here. Often times they say things that are outlandish, and even ignorant first - other times they are just not as well liked or received.
My overall point simply is that several people (the general you) think it is okay to act like a bully as long as they think and/or the general consensus of the board on that given moment thinks the person was being a bully first. It's hypocritical. I'm not suggesting we should allow those who act inappropriately to do so - call them out on it - tell them they they are not acting right, but we don't need to resort to the same ignorant behavior/name calling we are supposedly standing up against.
I'm not a regular poster on this board but I do lurk pretty often--many times a day. I find that when you don't get involved in the riff raff it becomes a little easier to understand where people are coming from with certain opinions because you have no personal investment really in the outcomes. Many times I don't get involved unless it's something I am extremely passionate about. With that being said....
Whenever there's some issue with something that Pat has done you feel the need to come on here to rescue her and extol all of her virtues. While that is honorable, do you not EVER see that sometimes things that she says are just dead wrong? Are you ever honest with your friends and tell them, point blank, that what they did or said is not right? If not you are doing them a grave disservice. Granted, we all do things or say things that are inappropriate. I know I do. Everyone here does from time to time, some more than others. But I can't get with acting as if people never do anything wrong.
I don't know Pat IRL but I do know that there are many times that I cringe on here over something that she says. It's like there is no censor. We all think many things in the course of a day but, as adults, we learn that you just can't say the first thing that comes to mind. It's called impulse control and we can all stand to exercise it more often.
Lastly, I'm going to throw this out there too and hope I don't get to slammed for saying it. For a person who is so religious (Pat) and all that I see such a lack of humanity sometimes. It bothers me but not usually enough to post a comeback about it. We all are human and have such shortcomings but come on. I didn't want to play the religion card but I do think it's extremely appropriate. I don't know...this is such a mish-mash of gripes that you probably don't understand my points. I am in no means trying to bully or belittle or anything like that. But the fact is that she can stand to think a little before coming out with things that I've seen her come out with. I know we all can but I don't think we all claim to be so pious.
That's all. I don't want mean offend at all but do think that there's a certain introspection due here. And I just think we she tell our friends to cut the crap sometimes.
tara07... I didn't want to quote because it is getting too long. I didn't find anything you said offensive, and I don't think you are bullying. But if everyone reacted the same way to Pat (or anyone else in a similar situation) as you did - I'd have no problem whatsoever. Part of the reason that I come on to "defend" her is because I do know her IRL. I also know that she can come off as abbrasive, wry, etc. And I've also said that I don't always agree with what she says or how she says it. Sometimes I think it comes off wrong because it is the internet and you guys don't really know her. Other times she is just in the wrong. And I've had no problem telling her that. Like you said, that's what friends do.
The problem I have is that some here think it is okay to treat her poorly in return. That is just wrong. For example, let's pretend the participants of the original post (Pat, Allie, Lauren, etc.) were all in middle school:
If Pat called Allie out in front of everyone in the halls between classes - that would be wrong. If Lauren stood up for Allie and called Pat out on it - yay for her for being a good person. But then another person calls Pat a nasty name, and others join in and make fun of her, then a group kids in the hall (other posters here) all start laughing or adding on - those people are no better than Pat was in the first place.
I appreciate your perspective as someone outside the situation and the people involved. I just want to stress that I am not sticking up for Pat or her actions. I just wanted to make sure others realize that they (the general they - not every single person) are acting just as badly now.
After reading the post AllieP posted about the texting situation, and the responses several of you gave her, I'm really surprised you'd jump down Wrysmyguy's throat when she was appalled they were back together...I don't remember these posts, but she (Alliep) seems upset and having already been divorced, she didn't need anyone who wasn't going to be 100% honest, which this guy was not. And many of you agreed, and said so.
Now she's marrying him? (raising an eyebrow) I don't know; I can see Wrysmyguy's concern and the reason she said what she did. I've been where this girl is, and a marriage doesn't fix things...I will definitely keep her in my prayers.
While I thank everyone for giving their opinions/feelings, I really do not need anyone's prayers. Aside from 1-2 ladies on this board, NO ONE knows what is happening in my life aside from what I choose to share. Has it ever occurred that something might have happened after that whole post? Was he honest? Was he cheating? Am I marrying him? Unless I get those questions directly from those I know and those that actually care, I really don't need to answer. But please continue to speculate about my life, I don't mind
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Sounds like denial to me. Hunni, I've been where you are. Once a liar, always a liar. But good luck with your new life, don't come crying to us on the Nest for advice and a shoulder to cry on when it blows up in your face again.
Call it want you want sweetheart, at least I can post under my real name and take the heat instead of hiding behind an alias. And since when do you write the rules on who can and can't come to the Nest. Smooches to you
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