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SO: Picky kids and eating rules
My mom never made us separate meals (not that I remember at least, maybe when we were really little) and the rule was you had to TRY everything. If you didn't like it you didn't have to eat it but you had to taste it, even if you tried it and didn't like it when it was served the week before. 
This is what I strive to do but I'm sort of failing. I give in and give Cooper a string cheese or lunch meat or something else that we have ready and on hand if he won't eat what we're having for dinner. And I have been known to nuke some chicken nuggets for him when I KNOW he won't eat the meal. Overall he's really not that picky and he loves vegetables, but he won't try anything "mixed up"... i.e. casseroles, enchiladas, pasta with a lot of stuff in it... and that is a lot of what I cook.
So I'm curious, when and how did you start enforcing rules about eating?
He doesn't seem to understand "just try it" or "take one bite and you're done" so short of holding him down and holding his nose I can't "make" him try things. And I think he's too young to get "eat this now or you'll be hungry later."
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Re: SO: Picky kids and eating rules
I know I am very, very lucky with my kids in the eating area. There are times when I will give in and make a sandwich or something, but it isn't very often and they usually like something on their plate.
This is kind of relevant. We had creole shrimp last night. We have had it several times. The kids always like it. J does pick out the shrimp, but he eats everything else. Last night he kept saying he didn't like it. So I said two bites and you can be done. He didn't want to do it, so I said here, I will feed them to you. Once he tasted it and realized that it was good, he finished it. However, he wouldn't even start until I said here, I will pick out the good stuff and give you two bites of delicious. Total mind game.
I also get them to help me with whatever they can help with.
And I have resorted to character association. Weirdos wouldn't eat tacos until we bought a box of shells with Spongebob on the box. I called them crabby patty tacos and now they are taco fiends. I only had to buy the dumb Spongebob ones (which we don't even watch) once.
Or I call it magic something. Magic chicken. Princess soup. Pirate booty.
Evan isn't a big eater and never has been. When he asks for something other than what we offer him, we tell him he has to have one bite of X before he can have Y and he has understood this for a long time. I make sure there is at least 1 thing I know he likes on the table, but if he doesn't want anything I will offer him fruit if he has had a bite of everything else. This usually works. If not, I give him his milk and nothing else. He has never said he was still hungry and at times still hasn't wanted much of anything the next morning.
I think it also helps that at school they serve lunch and snacks and if you don't want what they have there isn't anything else to eat.
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This. Eventually, I won't accomodate as easily, but probably not until 5ish? not sure. We also ate what was on our plate growing up - whether we liked it or not.
I think he's still young and at this age, they don't like "too much" flavor or weird texture in their food. Ally is just finally starting to eat meat! She still refuses to eat veggies (other than cabbage and broc). But I just make her things I know that she'll like just for her to eat. I'm honestly just happy when she actually eats a full meal.
However, Emmy is older (almost 5) and ever since she was around 4, she understood that she could be missing lots of good food if she doesn't try them. And so we have a rule with her to at least try it before she says she doesn't want it.
So I wouldn't worry too much about it now, but when you can start having logically conversations with him once he gets older, that's when you should enforce the "try it" rule.
We started right away. We always gave them little bits of whatever we were eating. They were both off of baby food early (DD - 8 months; DS - 9 months) and have been very good eaters. I think starting the habit as early as we did benefitted us.
I also understand that we are very blessed with the amount our kids eat and the fact that they pretty much don't turn anything down.
I am tucking all of this in my "for future use" mental file. Princess soup. Brilliant!
I go this route too sometimes but I have also been wondering when is it reasonable to stop. Good thread, Suz-G!
Thank you. this is better than the 3 times I tried to craft a response. C has other issues that we are working through so I don't fight him on what we offer him to eat. We will offer what we have in small portions. But 9 time out of ten I'll give him some of the few things i know he'll eat. I won't let him go hungry and the boy is as stubborn as they come.
He has slowly begun to branch out so we know there is a light at the end of the tunnel but it's going to be hard getting there.
we have always had the "try bite" rule, and still do. there was a giant famous meltdown once over a mouthful of peas that got spit out in protest... but other than that it's been alright.
we generally cooked (even when they were little) meals that are appropriate for the whole family so that we didn't set a precedent of "special" food for the kids. if i made king ranch and they didn't want the red or green peppers, they could pick them out and that was fine. they would still eat the chicken and cheesy filliing. i've never made a separate dinner for either kid.
if i'm making salad or something, i'll ask which toppings/veggies each person wants and tailor their bowl to fit. i'm not going to make anyone eat celery on their salad if they don't wanna. hell, neither do i.
i find that we enjoyed eating "family style" since it's more freedom to choose. you get to scoop your own stuff on the plate, and little kids get a kick out of that. it's messier, and takes more patience at the table, but it helps them to understand portions and table manners... and sometimes they want to scoop a food on their plate just because it's there, and they can.
we also would be very formal with the "could you kindly pass the butter, sir?" language, and they'd think it was funny and join in. one night i made them address me as "beautiful kasey" and DH as "handsome daddy" and we gave them names too. sometimes we still call each other those names, lol.
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I am in this same boat. At the table, Ian gets a little bit of whatever we're eating. I encourage him to try it, and if he doesn't he has to just sit there until H and I are done. While he's sitting there he gets to listen to H and me fuss over how good the dinner is. "Mmmmm, this is SO YUMMY! You make the best ____, I can't wait to have it again tomorrow!" etc. etc. All the while Ian either looks longingly at his plate like he wants to try it but is scared, or wallows all around the chair and floor. Sometimes he tries the food, sometimes he doesn't. I don't offer him anything else, and if he tells me he's hungry later I sit him back down at the table w/ the same bowl he rejected earlier.
I do a little of both. My mom told me "you are not a short order cook, you do not run a Burger King" and that's how we operated. Now there are some things I KNOW Cooper won't eat. The child will not eat a bean to save his life. None of them. And we eat a lot of beans - so I usually fix him something else.
I do usually put whatever we're having on his plate also, and if he eats it - great. If not, ok. I try not to point it out or make a big deal, but DH hasn't gotten that yet and he'll try to ask C to eat it. Then he just refuses. Last night we had quesadillas and he took it apart and only ate the cheese. I gave him a banana after - he didn't eat much & he's waking up as it is, so I sure didn't want him to wake up from hunger.
I agree that he doesn't understand "just try it." I do ask him to try things, but he doesn't get it. Once he's older, I'll press the issue of "trying" beans since I'm pretty sure he just thinks he doesn't like them. And he'll tell us "I can't like beans."
We are so very much on the same page.
In theory I like the "eat what is served" school of thought but I haven't been able to put it in practice. Especially with the sleep thing. He's never been a good sleeper and it is worse if he doesn't eat so sending him to bed hungry was just not an option.
My DH is the same way and doesn't seem to be able to be subtle about what he wants Cooper to eat. Thank god for peer pressure, C was sitting at a little table with DH's cousin's kids and they were eating their hotdogs so he finally tasted a hotdog for the first time this past weekend. I'm sure if he'd been sitting with us he wouldn't have tried it.
I think this is kind of harsh, I know there is being picky but I know that some kids just don't like something, just like adults don't like something.
If someone sat me in front of a plate of fish and said "eat this or nothing", I'd be upset. There are foods that I just don't like and won't touch. As an adult I can go and get something else to eat, why can't a child have that choice if it is truly something they do not like?
because i know her, i am assuming dkw is not placing ONE food in front of her child and demanding she eat it or nothing. i've never eaten just fish for dinner, usually there are sides.
if her child's healthy, i don't think it's a problem. there's no hard and fast rule that a child MUST eat at dinner time or she will starve.
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This reminds me of an epic fight in my house. I hate eggs. Always have, always will. We had breakfast tacos one night, and I always picked the eggs out. No big deal. Only one night, my dad decided I needed to eat the eggs. I was in HS. So I sat at the table for something like 3 hours, which really pissed him off, until he decided to give in. The whole thing was stupid because I'd always been allowed to pick the eggs off and I never asked my mom not to cook them. Totally random.
Agreed Jax.
When my SS was younger 8-12yo-ish, we enforced the 3 bite rule. 3 bites are required. After that you can leave it. There was always something else to eat that he liked, but we wouldn't just let him fill up on mashed potatoes either. So if he was still hungry after eating everything from dinner that he liked, he could have carrots. He liked carrots, so it was a good compromise - healthy way to fill up after ignoring the squash on his plate.
We're just starting the 3 bite rule with E. And it works well, sometimes she'll just forget that she didn't want it and keep eating. But on nights when she's particularly tired or cranky then we just give her tofu. It's her favorite, I know it's really weird.
S just has to take 1 bite, usually while I'm getting him something different to eat.
I know my kids don't like mixed foods, so I do separate things out for them - pull some chicken out before it goes into the enchilada sauce, serve noodles plain with just parmesan, let them eat their taco stuff in separate piles. That part I figure they'll just grow out of. Oh, and all meats get ketchup if they want it. Even though it makes me gag.
We are very lucky. We never made special meals, and have taken DS to a lot of different restaurants. We would not always tell him what was on the kids menu. I'd find things on the adult menu that I thought he'd like and tell him that they were the things he could choose from. At home, we make him try everything, and we tell him if he doesn't eat it, that's all there is and he can wait for the next meal. Works great.
When we are at friends, and they want to order Chinese or pizza, they always ask us what DS will have, and they offer chicken tenders or some "kid" food, and we always tell them that he will have whatever we are ordering. This shocks people for some reason.
OMG there are sides and other things on the damn plate. I never not let her eat nothing but she may not get a totally full belly if she wants to be stubborn or picky. It is rare that this happens but I am not going to feed that girl 3 bananas every night just I know she is full (bananas are her favorite). I choose foods that are very kid friendly for meals and if I am cooking something that is not for me, then I will cook some nuggets or a hot dog so I know the kids will eat something. I don't starve my children just because I want them to eat everything that I cook. There is always something on their plate they will eat whether it be a veggie or the main course. Always.