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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Breastfeeders
(This is an effort to liven the board up a bit, too.)
It seems that formula feeders talk about feeling looked down upon or whatnot, but do any of you BFers feel the same way sometimes by certain people?
Does anyone ever ask, "How long are you gonna do that?"
Or, "Oh, poor pumpkin, I think you're hungry and need some formula/cereal."
Or, "Oh yes, this formula will help fill you up!" (When, in actuality, it was a bottle of breastmilk, so I was LOLing on the inside.)
It is so odd to me that people think what I'm doing is not what I think (or know) is best. Like, women have been feeding their children this way since the beginning of time, so why, in some people's minds, is it superior?
Re: Breastfeeders
My nephew seems to be weirded out by it. He keeps asking questions like I'm the only one to ever BF a baby.
I pumped with E, so noone ever really saw me nurse. This time, I've actually nursed in public, once, but haven't gotten any comments yet.
FTR, I could care less how people feed their babies. Honestly, if formula was free, I'd have a hard time not using it. Then DH could get up at night for feedings, I could diet and lose all the baby weight, and I could get trashed (on occasion) and not feel guilty about pumping and dumping.
Yes, totally. It just drives me (internally) batty to hear that some people think I'm "starving" my child by breastfeeding. We won't mention the fact the kid is over 17 lbs. at 3 months; obviously not starved.
Dude, pump some bottles and let that H get up!
I just found out that it bothers my brother when I bf when he is around. He's all 'when I hear him slurping I know what he's doing under there'....ummm...eating?? His wife bf until she had some other issues so I don't know what his deal is. (It was also a semi-drunken confession so who knows) My old supervisor also made a comment a month or so ago about me still bfing. Considering the source it really didn't bother me but what's it to her if I bf longer? Like I told my aunt and grandma 'why buy the cow when the milk is free'....lol.
I also couldn't care less what people do. For me it's free so that's the main reason I do it!
Oh yes. My grandma and aunt were horrible about it..they thought it was gross and when they came to visit, always made comments about it how ridiculous I was for doing it. At the beginning my grandma was always saying that I needed to give him cereal in the bottle cause my breastmilk wasn't enough. Uhhh my kid was in the 90th percentile for weight the whole time I was breastfeeding. I'm pretty sure he was surviving juuuuuust fine.
And I think a lot of the hurt on our end from these things, comes from just the constant wondering if the choices you are making as a parent are the right ones. And I think anything negative that is said in regard to breastfeeding, hurts SO much worse than other crap because it's SO hard to begin with, and such a battle already within yourself, that you are constantly feeling the need to justify just so you don't give up. And then having someone else challenge you about it makes it so much harder.
I don't care how people feed their babies as long as they are doing what they think is best. Of course I am a breastfeeding advocate but I don't look down upon anyone who chooses to FF. I used to hear the whole "How long are you going to nurse him?" all the time with Owen but not so much with J. Wonder if it's because people who knew I nursed Owen, know that i made it to 17 months and probably just figure i'll go that long with J. Since starting my new job, I'm really only nursing her 1-2 times a day. Kindof sad but oh well. Also, we are leaving for a weekend trip in a few weeks and the kids are staying with my parents. I think that might be the end of BF for me, and yeah, i'm feeling sad about it
.
Back to the original post, I chose to nurse because it was free, best for my babies, convenient, etc. To each their own though.
My parents were terrible about saying all of those.....
I just rolled my eyes and laughed at them.
I honestly could care less what anyone else thinks or does, you have to do whats right for your family and lifestyle and body. I know it bugs dh's parents and has since the beginning. But I don't feed in front of them. L actually only nurses before nap and bedtimes and then a couple times at night. I have fed her all over the place but I am always covered (well not so much in the airplane but we had the entire row to ourselves so no one could see anything.)
I know I'm going to start getting the side eye since she is over 1 and we are stilling bfing but they way L is we will be doing this till she is 16. Just the other night dh tried to get her and she kept signing milk, more and mom and when I walked in she just tapped my chest and continued signing milk and more.
But dh's family did give her normal milk one night while we were out. Don't even get me started. Supposedly an error but I decided not to start a battle.
This is one topic that bothers me why some people feel so hoity toity because they bf and tend to rub it in others faces even if they don't think they are. I also don't get why people feel bad if they can't. I wasn't going to be able to when we adopted and I didn't think twice about using formula, that was just they way it was going to be....stretch mark free boobs--awesome!
I am for being able to bf wherever you want but I don't like how everyone is making such a big deal about it and rubbing it in everyones faces. Everyone running to target or the park to bf at the same time does not make any sense to me. Just take care of business and get on with life. No one cares that you just whipped it out in public and personally I don't want to see your boob hanging out bfing or not.
I get it. I FF Elsie and do both FF and BF Ian. So I've been on both sides.
My boss and I just had a conversation on how long I was going to continue BF (I think that my pumping sessions are always a topic because I am constantly having to switch up where I pump- I pump currently in the conf room, sitting on the floor. I have pumped in a vaccant office until people walked by the outside window, window has no blinds or in a mech room or in a very cold storage room). I told him that formula is $22/can so unless that cost goes down we are going to continue nursing until Ian gets teeth (and then I'll probably say a year because I've been saying since 1 month "oh, just one more month of BF and we'll quit". Here we are at almost 7 months.
That said. Ian prefers to BF, refuses bottles if I am around. Little stinker will take them at daycare or from dh if I am not around no problem.
I have several people at work who keep asking me why I'm still nursing. Um, because I CAN - why would I spend the money on formula when I can just nurse! - and DH and I feel it's what's right for us! My inlaws are really weird about it -- MIL gave me a can of formula when B was 2 weeks old and said "this is for when you go back to work." Huh? FIL doesn't quite understand (he's missing a few screws anyways) and asks the most absurd - borderline offensive - questions sometimes! My dad was over one day when I was pumping (I was wearing my nursing cover), and he looks over and goes "So is that an electric pump?" It took everything I had not to laugh --- it was a little weird, but at least he's cool with it!
DH had a hard time with me NIP, and still does sometimes. He's worried I'm going to offend someone -- dude, everything is covered and B needs to eat! Why should I have to go hide in a bathroom to feed him? I think he would feel better about it if B would let me completely cover him -- he won't nurse if he can't see me and will pull the blanket off if I try to completely cover his head.
Picture courtesy of Heidi Keene Photography
I'm still shocked about the number of people who felt it was appropriate to ASK me about my BFing plans. "Oh, Niki, welcome back to work. How are the babies? So, are you breastfeeding?" Whaaaaaaat? That is so not appropriate.
I know it's a gateway to give their opinion about FF, BF, pumping, and I don't really need to hear what they think. I did all three as long as I was able and didn't feel the least bit guilty about starting or stopping any of it.
We started supplementing with formula when Blythe was around 6-7 months, because my supply was just not keeping up - I was always someone who only ever had "just enough" to keep up with her. I would wake myself up at 3 a.m. and pump to make up the difference from the day. Ugh, that was tough for sure.
I don't feel that I was ever looked down on for breastfeeding, and I didn't really care even if I was. The comments re: formula feeding got to me, though, because I was already feeling bad about not being able to "supply" Blythe enough myself....if that makes sense. Like if I just took more supplements or tried drinking this thing or adding this stuff to my food, I would somehow have a better supply and not "need" the formula. My mom was often encouraging me to supplement from fairly early on (she was B's primary caretaker - and still is - on the days I worked). I think she noticed the stress I felt in trying to keep up with my breastmilk amounts. I do think I stressed myself out a little too much in wanting to EBF for so long, maybe because I felt a societal pressure (especially because I aligned myself as more of an AP and/or "green" mother), or just put pressure on myself, or whatever.
Also, I am all for people doing what works best for them and makes them the best/happiest/most fulfilled mom with respect to their child. I just had my own hangups, but once I realized how much easier it was for DH and I to share the feeding role, and how convenient it was (and the fact that B did not have any trouble switching between the two), it all became much easier.
This, exactly. I don't care what others think of how we are raising our kids. They seem to be turning out more or less ok so I'm content.
In general I do not care much what other people say about me/my kids, though. I do not really notice other details too much re: other people (like I care if some particular person BF or FF?!) and I don't worry about it if anyone notices or cares about my choices. I am very much pro-BF, but that's for me, not for me to push on everyone else in the world.
I just can't believe people think you aren't giving your baby enough if you breastfeed-that is such as absurd thought to me. Breast feeding is beneficial in so many ways, and only a short time ago in history really was an alternative found that could give the same benefits (formula). I just think it's weird. Also, I dont give a hoot how someone feeds their baby, as long as that baby is taken care of properly and not in danger, it's no one's business if that family decides to FF or BF.
And, just in case I wasn't clear, these comments don't really get to me because it really only comes from a few - and I have learned to not take much w/r/t child-rearing to heart. I just internally shake my head and move on.
Unlike many here, I think most in my circle (mom, MILs, SILs, friends) FF, so that could be where their resistance to BFing is coming from. I guess people are mostly "scared" (not really the right word, but I'm a lil jacked up on cold meds) of what they aren't familiar with.
this its a side note but because I have made all of Masons food, if by chance I go to the store and buy baby food I feel like I need to hide it in my cat and people are totally judging me.
I have been on both sides--Peyton was strictly FF, Berkeley had 6 weeks of BM, Mara and Jude have been strictly BM. I see where people are looked down on for FF, I see where people hate NIP, I also see how EPers feel. What I have taken from it is as follows:
Women are cruel and will judge everything that isn't what they do. EPing isn't good enough for some EBF moms....FF is appalling to some moms, etc etc. In the end, does it REALLY matter?
I have had people think my kids are small because they get breastmilk (really? two of my small kids had formula, TYVM.) My mom thinks I feed Jude too little when he gets 4 oz bottles--please notice, lady, that BF babies usually don't take more than 4oz at a time.
Ha! Lyra never even got up to a full 4 ounce bottle on a regular basis.
I'm one of the assholes that thinks every child deserves the best and I believe that that's breastfeeding. I don't think women have the support needed nor understand the resources available to them so they don't get the help they need. I don't think it's right that people get squeemish about someone feeding their child in public without some big elaborate cover that actually brings more attention to it than it would otherwise. I think it's fhucking ridiculous that boobs are only seen as sexual objects and using them to feed a kid is gross, disrespectful (for not hiding as to not make others uncomfortable), or whatever. I think it says a lot about a women's role. It's not as an active and important part of society. We're here to please a man's penis. Well fhvck that. The worst is when other women are the ones saying that someone should just "pump and put it in a bottle" or go to the bathroom to do that, cover up, etc. Really, honey? You're just making us look dumber and dumber. THIS is a woman's real role.
I'm not going to be going to any breastfeeding protests, nurse-ins or whatever, but I have very seriously considered taking classes and doing whatever is needed to become an IBCLC and to help REAL women who work and want to continue breastfeeding. Go to their house and help them in their comfort zone. Help them in the middle of the night. You know, ACTUALLY provide support and education and not just a guilt trip. Those have successfully helped nobody.
**if you're overly sensitive on the subject, now is a good time to stop reading**
I think too frequently we give ourselves an out by saying, "well try it" or "I would like to" instead of getting on the same page with your husband and saying, "were going to make this work and we'll do everything it takes." Yes. It's hard freeking work. Yes, it's soooo tempting to just buy formula because it's doesn't leave your boobs bloody and sore. You can sleep and wake up with a dry shirt. You can wear any shirt you want and not have to worry about the accessibility to your nips. I get that but after reading a lot on the subject I've learned a ton and what most people say was their problem has some sort of reasonable explanation and a way around it, through it, whatever, but nobody seems to really know about breastfeeding so we don't get the help we need and/or deserve. (doctors, pedis, etc.)
I've been criticized for my strong opinions on the need to breastfeed. Not sure if that's looked down upon, or just hated on, but whatever it is, I think it's the best for kids and wish that we all had access to the support that we need to be able to provide what is medically the best for our children. Formula is fine, but it doesn't have all of the antibodies, and that crap is expensive! Why? Because those companies have you by the balls. You HAVE to have it so you'll pay whatever it takes. I wish more people didn't feel like they couldn't do it for some reason or another and so demand for formula would decrease, therefore forcing the price down. (no economics expert, but it seems to make sense in my head...) Or at least those who are buying it are doing it purely by choice and not necessity.
I got my big girl panties on. Fire away if you feel offended, but know that I'm not being offensive. I think we, as women, need to demand better care and that includes planned parenthood services (ALL of their services) and truly good breastfeeding support. None of it will happen until we quit letting ourselves be sex objects.
Not flameful. Having a newborn is hard work, period. Why not throw in bf, everyone should try it. I never got any flak from anyone while bf, I'm sorry so many of you have.
thanks to jennied
YEP! My MIL was super weird about me BFing. She would make comments about kidnapping Jameson when he was a baby and I would say something like "yeah, until he gets hungry and then you'll be sending him back!" And she would say (to him) "we'll just buy you a can of formula, that was good enough for your Daddy!" And she was super concerned about when she would get to feed him a bottle. I chalked it up to jealousy. I know that she tried BF (well, at least pump - and they didn't have electric pumps) and it didn't work out.
You should have seen her face when I wondered if Delilah had MSPI (one of her kids had it). "OH!! You'll have to quit breastfeeding!" Nope, sorry lady.
My mom and step-mom are super weird about it as well, but not in a negative way. My mom was constantly talking about my boobs. Like when we went out to dinner for the first time, she asked me "were your boobs hurting??" And my step-mom would go so far as to try to hand feed me. Yeah, I think I can wait 15 minutes to eat lunch...
Cracky, I'm like you - none of our mom's or siblings BF, so it was kind of uncharted territory for me as far as my family. I was really the first of my friends to have a baby, so I didn't have a support system there either. But, I do feel like I kind of set a precedent and all of our friends have attempted to BF and my SIL even exclusively pumped for her third. Now, I'm the unofficial expert because everyone comes to me with their BFing questions. Nancy, I have also considered becoming a lactation consultant. I figure I'm helping everyone else out as it is, I may as well get paid for it! :-)