I usually just lurk around, but I need some advice on a in-law issue.
We're seeing them this weekend, and I know its coming!! lol
I went back to school full-time this past summer, which they were great with. And i just found out that I got into the school and program I wanted. They were also great with this. Then I think they looked up the cost of the school/program, because they keep asking if i'm going to work now, or in the summer etc. They are not direct about it, but they keep dropping hints on the phone to my DH and last time we saw them in person too. We've told them numerous times that i'm going to school full-time. Also that I am taking summer classes. I know it's alot of money, but thats between me and DH. We sorted out our finances and are all set. We know what we're doing. It's not their business. Whats good too, is that I just found out I'm getting a huge scholarship
But I think they will still keep up with their questions.
What I need to know is how do I say to leave it alone, in a nice way. DH and I are both kind of quiet and shy, and I do not want to cause issues with them.
Re: lurker needs advice
I'd through the scholarship into your reply but without ever telling them the amount.
"I got a scholarship and the rest we have figured out, thanks for your concern but you really don't need to worry about us"
If they continue:
"We do not want to discuss money with you, the fact that we've let you know that we're doing well should be good enough, please leave this alone" (this should be your H talking since they are his parents).
Have you asked them why they ask about your employment plans so much? It seems like this questions has been asked and answered several times - so now you're thinking they are 'hinting' at something. Time to burst the passive-aggressive bubble and ask what's the "hint'.
The fact that you scored a scholarship gives you a great deal of credibility. Break this little cycle of 'dropping hints' and listen to what they really mean. Then say that once and for all your focus is on school, and with the scholarship and some on-campus opportuties to earn money through the program, you are in a good finacial situation. Stop asking.
If they make the point that borrowing money to pay for your living expenses is an options but horrible financial move - I hope you hear it. But again, they get to say it once and then stop keep picking at it.
And you can say all of this nicely. It's time to do so.
I would confront them about the question they keep asking "You've asked numerous times whether I am working. We've told you I am going to school full time. I haven't changed my plans since the last time you asked, or the time before that."
I would not "share" the news that you received a scholarship. How you finance your education is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Don't share any of that info.
Also, it really doesn't matter if they're "great" with your plans for your future. They don't get a say, either way. Stop worrying about what they think of if they approve.
It may be that they are only concerned out of love - high student debt being in the news so much today, etc. - - but you need to keep your life and your financial decisions separate from them.
Since you say you're shy, I can understand not wanting to jsut jump in with: 'none of your business'.
Perhaps turn it on them: They ask: Will you be working during the summer? (or some other when/work type of question) Say: "Why do you ask?"
If they come out and ask how are you affording this? then say: We've got it covered.
If they press more, say: This isn't up for discussion, my what a pretty necklace, sweater, hat, purse you have; it goes great with your necklace, sweater, hat, purse (another piece of whatever) (i.e. be prepared to change the subject right after stating its not up for discussion- don't let there be a pause inviting them to say more.)
You need to stop being shy about people not minding their own business. Your DH needs to tell them point blank it isn't a topic they need to be concerned or involved in the decision. Unless these people are funding you in some way then you need to be adults and tell them to knock it off. There were several nice ways of letting them know it is not their business, if they insist on bringing it up then leave.
Tell them they are putting you in awkward position and stop discussing anything with them if they are going to butt in to your financial affairs. Keep this in mind for future discussions on life changing decisions. Seriously, do you want them in your business if you ever decided to ttc?
Your DH can put an end to this weekend. Then both of you would not dread visiting them. Please, report back on Monday that your DH told them to stop asking in a manner which they got the message.