Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: she has blocked the nest! changed her PW!
To me that read as mental illness. I've had clients who can go on tangents like that.
Bval, if you're lurking around, please get help. Look into a new therapist if nothing you're doing is helping. Or if you feel like this therapist is helping, either increase your commitment to following through on his/her treatment recommendations or talk with him/her about additional therapeutic resources. A DBT group might be helpful in teaching you skills to manage your anxious reactions and manage emotions overall.
See, to me (a former therapist who had no idea of this woman's background until I got bored and decided to read it just now) that entire post reads as "Look at me! I'm so weird and so special! I might even be weird enough to be diagnosable, don't you think? Pay attention to me!" But, honestly, very orderly and together---not mentally ill, just attention seeking.
she anticipates not being able to visit Annie every other week now, and that is worse to her than not ever being able to hold down a job. like, ever.
but don't worry, because she and Annie are planning a trip to the gulf. the only problem is that a vacation requires money, so they're still "hammering it out" [read: convincing brandon to fund their lovers vacation, which bval is totes up for, despite being too sick to work].
I think Brandon exists. If he didn't, she would in no way be able to fund her dissolute lifestyle. She's all but cut ties with her family; and someone is bankrolling the doctor's appointments and rent.
I think Brandon is a very nice, very geeky boy who is probably harboring a lot of guilt and unresolved issues about his own mother's terminal illness and subsequent death, and this manifests in his determination to take care of his "ill" wife.
Updated September 2012.
I give you a lot of credit. You could take a lot more of the insanity that blog is than I could. I can only read for a short amount of time and then I need to tear myself away... or I'm afraid I'll be lost in an abyss of crazy validations and self-pity.
And LHC- the worst part about that is she KNOWS that Brandon reacts the way he does to her "illness" because of his experiences with his mother. It'd be one thing if she didn't realize how she's manipulating him... but she knows EXACTLY what she's doing. I wonder what I can manipulate H about to make it so that I don't have to work and can just fly around the country visiting you b1tches?
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Updated September 2012.
I don't have sympathy for her, but I assumed it was because I'm a bad person. You seem like you're a better person than me... so this makes me feel SO much better. At least I'll be going to hell for something different than whether bval has a legitimate problem or someone who prefers not to have to deal with all the hassle that goes along with being a functional adult.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
yep.
this is why I said the thing in her original thread about marrying at nineteen. the poor kid is stuck and feels an obligation to be a caretaker. if she's this drugged up and dependent at twenty-three, what are the next sixty or seventy years going to look like?
I sincerely hope he reconsiders this marriage (especially because she seems to be in love with Annie*), but that probably won't happen.
* I haven't connected with someone so quickly and strongly in a long, long time. Maybe since Brandon. Not that it's necessarily the same connection, just that it's as strong
Do you get the feeling that she's incapable of having just a regular friend? It has to be this huge, life-altering, intense relationship that eclipses everything else in her life.
I never faulted bval for her age. She was always pretty forthright about it. The nature of her whole job made me start to question it. Then her call-out blog post that she probably felt all proud of just confirmed her age. Although, even at that age... I would venture to guess that none of us were that stunted. But then again, we didn't get married at, like, 12. Yes, I married my high school sweetheart. But I didn't feel the need to do it practically IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Just. Wow. She posted a new one this morning. Another trip to the urgent care. Kidney stones. Vicodin.
I haven't even made it to some of the other posts but I am seeing an old friend of mine in her, and that isn't a good thing. The ex-bf is what brought me here to the Nest, a massive, flaming blow-out that I couldn't see because I was so immersed in the center of it. She had many mystery illnesses. So many doctors. She had a job, but lived with her mother. I became very ill and suddenly, she hated me for it. She felt I took her sympathy away or something. I didn't want sympathy, I wanted to get better. i didn't blog about it, I didn't tell people about doctor visits. I just went.
If she is reading, I know these comments are so harsh and you think we're mean. Listen. My best friend broke his neck and was told he'd never walk again. He was in a wheelchair for 3 years. In that time he finished his master's degree (and lived alone with zero financial help from family or the state) and he started his own business all from a wheelchair. This guy used to have a job that required him to be physically fit and then he was in a chair. He know owns and runs a gym that is immensely successful. And, he can walk. It took work. Lots of it. Lots of pain. Zero excuses.
And did you catch the first part about how Annie's family is just so awful and she wishes she could move in with she and Brandon. Okay... so this gets better... Annie lives with her family. And it's just so amazing that Annie ALSO has a "horrible" family.
Poor Brandon... before he knows it, he'll be supporting both bval AND Annie. They'll sit at home and play video games all day while he works his azz off. Sounds like an awesome life to me!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
I don't fault her for marrying young. I married young. And I admit I married too young. However, there is a certain maturity level missing that has nothing to do with age.
Andplusalso, does anyone else see Ethan Frome in all of this? Hello, Zeena! He falls in love with the cousin and she ends up all healed and fine and in the role as caretaker in the end. (Please tell me someone else here has read Ethan Frome.) lol
I lost hope for Brandon when I read that he'd had a vasectomy because her miscarriage had scared him so badly.
FFS.
Vasectomies are all fine and good, but it didn't sound like the decision was based on him actually not wanting children. Wow. What a totally sick manipulation.
I hadn't ever read her blog until all of this went down, so I always read her as "my life's a mess because I am sick" and totally related to that. I have a chronic condition that has been completely controlled for years through extreme health-nuttery. While I was sick, it was really hard to see past myself and my own physical pain.
But yeah, it's obvious that the empathy was very much misplaced. The whole purpose of my life while sick was to get better, with the tiny bits of energy that I had left after going to work everyday and supporting my own pretty asss - as angry and frustrated and tired as I was while I was doing it.
What I am seeing here is not that.
I was always working under the assumption that since I didn't want to be sick, I would eventually get a real diagnosis (I did!) and get better. The vasectomy (without actually saying "he knows that he absolutely does not ever want to have children) sounds like a big vote that she's never hoping to get healthy.
her new blog entry is weird.
I want to know why annie's mom is evil. (does she disagree with her daughter's lifestyle choice of never moving awway or being gainfully employed?) I want to know if annie is real, if she has ever read this blog, and if she feels the same way..I can't think of any of my friends that I would skype with for hours.
also, was she walking at the hospital?
WHY did she get a wheelchair for christmas when she turned 19?
WHAT makes her parents and sister so horrible?
there are so many questions that blog won't answer.
what does brandon look like?
why does he hate himself?
It really irritates me when people live off of their parents while biiitching about them. That's appropriate... until you turn 16.
As for skype... I can't judge because I've never been a big fan of the phone / video chat. DH was away on business for a month and we'd Skype for a little while every few days, but hours? No. And I love him a LOT.
The new entry is a little... bizarre. I had a kidney stone once due to the water pills I take, and let me tell you, I was fully incapable of speech, let alone typing, for like 24 hours. And I took the sh!t out of the pain meds, because sleeping and/or being out of it was preferrable to going fetal on the couch and keening.
Don't get me started on where Brandon clearly ranks in the scheme of things.
"Seeing Annie makes me very happy, and I know it makes her happy, too. And Brandon."
Updated September 2012.
I will say that the post regarding her GBCN made me raise my eyebrows, not only because it was ridiculous, but because she talks about Brandon making enough money to support her so it's no big deal that she may or may not be disabled.
I don't NEED the disability. Brandon makes plenty without it. We could live on his salary alone. We have, several times. But I want to help. I feel EVEN MORE like a failure when I can't contribute financially. He says not to worry about that, because he doesn't mind. He doesn't mind anything.
I would also place bets on "Annie" being involved in a threesome with BVal and her H in the near future.
Yep. Plenty of money to live off of Brandon, but bashes people who move back in with their parents. How is living with parents that you have a good relationship with any different than living with a spouse who contributes significantly more financially? In both cases, there's a whole spectrum of how mootchy it is - from completely mootchy to mutually beneficial in every regard. And I'm saying that who makes 20% of what DH brings home because I'm home with Squirmy.
When you have to pick things like that to feel superior about, you're really scrapping the bottom of the sanctimonious barrel.
Yeah, going through the disability claim procedure would require both effort and a confidence that she is actually disabled so I see the reluctance.
We've actually seen him on here in PIP. Seriously, maybe w/ Kuus's help we could find the thread. She had asked Bval one time to describe the circumstances that surrounded her young marriage. Bval also posted pictures of their wedding I believe in that same thread. Or it could have been a PIP your wedding dress thread that I created.
Yeah, but you contribute equally to your household, He might bring home more of the money for the house, but you handle more of the day to day running of your home, so it balances out.
I make zero income, but my husband can count on the children to be safe and happy, all of his clothes cleaned and ironed, food to eat (sometimes) and other valuable perks of having a stay home spouse. It doesn't sound like she cleans or cooks or even cares for her own pets- so...uh..just because she can afford to stay home, doesn't really mean he's not going to tire of a lazy mopey freeloader who costs him more emotionally than she's worth. I mean, some other fan girl will probably come along, all self sufficient and normal..and he'll wonder what the hell he signed up for.
Also, this is the thread doglove is looking for: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/61719354.aspx
I do have to say that I haven't seen this as a 'gamer broad' archetype, though. I mean, the being kind of whorey and totally attention-seeking, yes, but I haven't played with many girls who were munchausen-y. And yeah this is way belated but I wasn't around at all this weekend and I have to have MY say!!1
I'll also add another pertinent link for Edith and the lurkers (the tattoo thread): http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/59105613.aspx
Oh yeah. She wore a white/red wedding dress and he wore a ponytail and jorts. I felt sorry for her just based on that.
thanks! but now Im dying to see the wedding jorts pic...
(wait- did she also have like...christmas flower swags that she put above her bedroom door that were so versatile and chic? or was that someone else?)
I do want you guys to know that I am not so unaware of myself that I don't see how unbecoming my facination with her is- I just can't help myself...
wow.
she really has thought this out.
and she really does not think that Brandon leaving her is even an option.
This is the biggest thing to happen on TIP in a while, so keep on keeping on.
I didn't find the wedding dress pic but this is the thread where she sort of talked about her wedding. I figure since I missed the we-love-Edith circle jerk on Friday I ought to start atoning, right?
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/58267901.aspx
I enjoyed that circle jerk. Pearls suit me.
and my birthday is coming up, so I'll consider this link to be my gift. thank you! It's just what I wanted !! (unless you can come up with that jorts shot...Im googling, but coming up with nada.
I DO have to say, her posts on here are not entirely outrageous for the most part- she kept her crazy to the blog, it looks like. which is weird.