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I finally know the truth (Long vent post)
So I wrote to both of my SsIL over facebook (because I couldn't call or do it in person, as I would have just lost it on both of them and probably would have started crying and that would have gotten us nowhere) to tell them I was sick of their crap (not in those exact words though...I used a lot nicer words and did the "I message" thing. (I posted a thread on here last year about them).
One of them wrote me back to basically say that she doesn't care if she hurt me, that I am just her sister in law, and that I have offended her in so many ways (she can't be herself around me because I cry too much about what she said to me, making MH mad at her, which makes her mom mad at her. For the record, I have never cried in front of her; I learned in elementary school to never let the bullies win by seeing you cry). I told her to tell me if I offended her in any way in my first message, and then in the second message I sent her, I asked her to tell me what I did wrong so I could try to fix it. She has yet to answer back.
The other SIL answered back but defensively asked what she said that offended me. I told her and she has yet to answer back to that. I am not as mad at this one right now, but we'll see.
Alright. Vent/AW post over. The AW part is based on how well I feel I handled this whole situation. I am proud that I did not retort back and that I am the bigger person in the end. I don't care if any of you are not proud of me (sounds stupid) I just needed to post this somewhere where I know no one.
Re: I finally know the truth (Long vent post)
I was listening to a radio show the other day, where the therapist said that the problem with handling things on facebook is that people say things that they would never say in person. So, you said things that you didn't think you could say in person without blowing up (understandable), but you also armed SsIL with the ability to say something back that wasn't very nice or tactful. I would avoid facebook confrontations of all shapes and sizes, where at all possible.
She's your SsIL and you're stuck with her, even though you don't like each other. In the future, I would try to just ignore them. Maybe don't be facebook friends at all? I am not friends with people that I don't like. There's even the "unfriend" option now (which shows up on newsfeed for the unfriended individual!)... maybe you could make a passive-aggressive, but completely valid statement by unfriending them.
I don't mean to make you upset in any way, but I just wanted you to know that even though of course you didn't mean to, you gave them a weapon. The vindictive, mean side of me would use that to my advantage against someone I didn't like. The tasteful, polite side of me wouldn't... but some people let the mean side overrule everything else, especially behind the perceived safety of the internet.
I don't see how I gave them a weapon, but I'm not offended at all.
I am planning on unfriending the super b!tchy one. The other one, if she tries to change her ways, I will definitely work with her on it. If the other one asks for forgiveness (true forgiveness any way) she will get it, no question. It will take a while to forgive the b!tchy one, but I'm sure it will happen eventually. And the way I see it, I have proof of what a b!tch the mean one is.
Thank you for your input though! I do really appreciate it!
ETA: She answered back to when I asked her what I did to offend her and basically she said that just being me offends her and that there is nothing I can do to fix it, so I should just forget about it. I wanted to reply "Filed and Forgotten" to her, but I'm nicer than that.
yeah this just shows how mean she is. Definitely not worth your time or your worries. Good thing she is just a SsIL and your H isn't cut from the same cloth!
I know right? I deleted both of them from my friends list on facebook. MH is actually the black sheep of his family and I am SO thankful for that lol!
THIS.
Why do you have so much drama? It sounds like you're hurt over everything.
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No, one SIL is DH's twin, and the other is about 4 years younger. DH is the oldest and I'm about two years older than the younger SIL. One of the BILs is 19, another will be 18 in August, and the youngest of all of them (another BIL) is 15.
ETA: to correct my math...
So how old can you be, like 21? 22?
Yeah. 22.
I really asked if I had done something to offend them (maybe I had said something that wasn't intended to be mean or hurtful but it was hurtful) and if there was anything I could do to fix that (like apologize...) but apparently it was just because I was me... I don't fix things like that.