An "aha!" moment: An introvert married to an extrovert (long) Discuss

RedRedWine2

SO, I was reading my Time magazine yesterday and there was an article that particularly struck my interest:

The Upside of Being an Introvert (and why Extroverts are overrated)

It interested me because I'm totally an introvert. While I enjoy people (I actually am quite a "people person") and consider myself social, I enjoy being alone- in fact I need alone time and sometimes I just find a need to disengage or process things first, by myself, before I move on or re-engage. I need "me" time after being with friends/family on vacations. I joke that I'm too good at being single simply because I just enjoy going solo and don't mind the typical "lonliness" that comes along with it. For me, it's just more comfortable. Often I come across as shy in social settings, but it's really just because I'm OK with flying solo, as I'm processing the scene rather than engaging.

I was married to an extrovert, by every sense of the word. I thought he "balanced" me out...but perhaps I was totally wrong.

Here was my "AHA!" moment from the article:

 ...introverts also have tremendous advantages. Sure, there are thrills to be found in the situations extroverts crave, but there are dangers too. Extroverts are more likely than introverts to be hospitalized as the result of an injury, for example, and they're more likely to have affairs or change relationships frequently, with all the collateral damage that can entail. And while we all seek rewards, extroverts may be too hungry for them. That can lead them to be ambitious, which is fine, but it may also make them prioritize ambition over avoiding serious risks, which is not. "Extroverts are much more likely to get really excited by the possibility of a reward, but because of that, they won't always pay attention to warning signals," says Cain. "Introverts are much more circumspect.

What happens when people chase rewards--particularly the financial kind--while ignoring the attendant risks of catastrophe and collapse? You get train wrecks like the economic crisis of 2008 and 2009, for which extroverts may deserve a lot of the blame. Camelia Kuhnen of Northwestern University's Kellogg School of Management found in a study that a variation of a dopamine-regulating gene associated with thrill seeking is a strong predictor of financial risk taking. People with a gene variant linked to introversion, on the other hand, took 28% less financial risk than others. And this applies beyond finance. "

 

This is totally XH. He is totally a say/act before you think kind of person. Yes, I always had considered him "ambitious", etc. but in reality? This is it. He was seeking the reward. I, on the other hand, have to sit back, evaluate, lessen risk, etc. XH was ALWAYS bothered by this. He just couldn't understand why I processed things this way, why I couldn't just "go" and "jump" at things. It always came back to that, no matter wha the issue. I couldn't udnerstand him wanting to just jump into decisions, and he couldn't stand me waiting to decide things.

What's interesting to me is that we're hard wired this way, as the article states. We're introverts/extroverts from a very early age, if not infancy. I knew that XH and I communicated differently and I attributed this mostly to the way we were raised. But we were hard-wired differently. I don't know how one goes about changing this. And honestly, I know it would have taken work but it's possible to make a relationship between an introvert and extrovert work...I think it's just more difficult.

 Ultimately...I think that this "hard wiring" was a big issue between how we viewed life and how we communicated (or didn't communicated, I suppose!)

So...SO board.: were any of you introverts married to an extroverts or visa versa? What are your thoughts on intro/extros in relationships? Those of you in new relationships, is your SO more aligned with you intro/extro personality?

Just curious...

I'm going out with a guy tomorrow night that strikes me as an introvert, which is NOT my normal type. But seeing as my normal type doesn't work out...I'm curious how it will go, but I wonder if that type is better suited for me, you know?

PrettyInPearls23

That actually makes a lot of sense. Like you, I consider myself personable and I enjoy being around people, but I also cherish my "me" time. I'm perfectly content spending an evening at home, alone, and I have no issues with it whatsoever.

XH is an extrovert in all aspects. My mom had told me on more than one occassion that she thought he was impulsive...and she was right. Unfortunately, he didn't always consider the consequences of being impulsive....

Wahoo

DH is an extrovert; I am an introvert (I am not divorced).

I had a reading and the reader said dh and I were like ying and yang - - polar opposite but compliment each other.  Not that he doesn't sometimes drive me crazy, but we do work well together.  It is true that I do a lot more research - if DH wants to buy something, he'll go out and buy it, vs. me who will look at the best prices, different products, etc.

To the defense of extroverts (dh and others), the same reading said I am all thought and no action - - I don't "pull the trigger," so all the thought in the world doesn't do any good if you don't act on it.  Now sometimes I "act," just so dh doesn't get the chance to act first and beat me to it not in the way I would choose!

HeavenlyExcitedBride

My stbxh is an introvert and he is the one that left the marriage.  With that said, I believe anyone who is either extreme extrovert or extreme introverts is high risks for marriage.  I believe that is why my relationships failed in the past as I was dating extremes.

STBXH is a very extreme introvert hence why he won?t disclose issues that bothered him in our marriage and he also balk at the idea of sharing and discussing as he is too afraid of confrontations and responsibilities of any kind.

I am looking to have a relationship with someone in the future who is balanced and in the middle of the spectrum.