Moms - trusting your instincts?

esq

How much weight do you give to your instincts?  For example, if having a close family member around your kid(s) made you nervous, would you trust that feeling?  What would you do if that person wanted to watch your kid(s)?

stella_blu

We're struggling with this as well. We let someone watch DD until recently and while they did nothing to harm DD and I don't think they ever would I do not trust their behavior any longer due to some recent actions. We went against ou gut letting DD stay with this person previously and feel really awful about it now. We've basically just stopped asking for them to watch her and when they ask to, we come up with some excuse. It's obviously not going to work forever and I really don't know how we will proceed going forward especially with #2 on the way. Sorry so vague but I'd trust your guy. 

schoolsoutbride

Trust your gut.  Always

esq

Stella - I understand what you're saying.    Thanks for the thoughts. 

Schoolsout - I usually do, but I just can't explain why I feel concerned.  That makes me wonder what's going on.

chelbell326

I'd encourage you to trust your instincts.  You might not be able to exactly identify why you feel a certain way, but I whole heartedly believe that your instincts are protective & I'd trust them even if it means hurting someone's feelings by not allowing your child to spend time with them alone.

goldenjes

I'd also trust your instincts.  Sometimes we have noticed a behavior or heard a comment and either forgotten it or not been fully conscious of it, but part of you remembers.

That said, try to analyze what parts of them make you nervous.  If you have an open relationship, maybe you can try to dialog that will either confirm or deny your initial feelings.  I'm not saying you tell Neighbor George that he gives you the creeps, but getting to know a bit more about what he does all day in his garage can be a step in the right direction.

RoxBride

esq:

How much weight do you give to your instincts?  For example, if having a close family member around your kid(s) made you nervous, would you trust that feeling?  What would you do if that person wanted to watch your kid(s)?

I'd trust my gut. I would not let them be alone with my child, ever.

But...and this is a huge but, I would absolutely not say a word to anyone about my feelings if you just have a creepy feeling. DH, but no one else, unless you have to in order to protect your child.

smilelari

RoxBride:

esq:

How much weight do you give to your instincts?  For example, if having a close family member around your kid(s) made you nervous, would you trust that feeling?  What would you do if that person wanted to watch your kid(s)?

I'd trust my gut. I would not let them be alone with my child, ever.

But...and this is a huge but, I would absolutely not say a word to anyone about my feelings if you just have a creepy feeling. DH, but no one else, unless you have to in order to protect your child.

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DruidPrincess

I like to have faith in people... but when it comes to my kids, I'll err on the side of caution every single time.

DH's 1/2 brother is someone we both agree should not be left alone with the kids.  Our feeling, though, is not that he'd directly or intentionally harm them, but he is bipolar and often in manic seasons (we're never sure if he's taking his meds).  He comes by MIL's house frequently, and DH has made it abundantly clear to her that she is never ever ever to leave the house with just him and the kids there.

Has this person specifically asked or offered to watch the kids?  Is it your family member, or DH's?  

tra_la_la

We are pretty picky about who watches G so far it has only been very close family and a drop in center a family friend is the teacher at. I would trust your gut for sure. We have family members who have offered to watch her and I know they wouldn't intentionally do anything to her but I still don't trust they would look after her properly. That and whenever you hear things about bad things happening to kids the advice always given is to trust your instincts. Even if you know the person well there is usually a reason why your mind is throwing up a red flag.

Noah&ZachsMom

The one thing I've learned with certaintity in motherhood is go with your gut.  Always. 

esq

Thanks for the advice ladies.  

DruidPrincess:

Has this person specifically asked or offered to watch the kids?  Is it your family member, or DH's?  

It's my MIL.  She can be difficult sometimes, but I nearly panicked leaving DD with her.  My daycare fell through yesterday, and I had to be in court all day.  MIL watched DD in the morning, and FIL watched her in the afternoon.  I was okay with FIL watching DD, but I wanted to snatch DD up and run away with her rather than have MIL watch her.    I have left DD with my mom, our neighbors, her nanny - all with no problems.  (I didn't even cry when I left DD with the nanny the first time.)  But something makes me feel slightly hyper-protective with MIL. 

DruidPrincess

esq:

Thanks for the advice ladies.  

DruidPrincess:

Has this person specifically asked or offered to watch the kids?  Is it your family member, or DH's?  

It's my MIL. . 

Yikes. I can see how that would be touchy. And DH doesn't share the gut feeling? Is there anything specific (you'd feel comfortable sharing, that is) that prompts this feeling?  Anything you could present to him to legitimately discuss in the interests of his offspring?

esq

DruidPrincess:

Yikes. I can see how that would be touchy. And DH doesn't share the gut feeling? Is there anything specific (you'd feel comfortable sharing, that is) that prompts this feeling?  Anything you could present to him to legitimately discuss in the interests of his offspring?

DH has a similar feeling, but it's not nearly as strong.  We are on the same page - his family isn't going to watch DD except in an emergency. 

I would share, if I could.  I just can't put my finger on it.  It's pretty deep, almost a primal reaction.  Since I don't have anything in particular and it's such an odd reaction, that is why I am questioning my judgment.