Alabama Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Life
Here lately I have been really struggling with life in general. One of the things that has really been on my mind lately is friendships. I have had very few people that I would call true selfless good good friends. As of now I don't have any. I get really lonely. And when DH and I fight or argue or just get annoyed with each other, I have no where to turn. I'm left alone. This makes me miss my mom even more. I had a BEST friend. She was my life. We had so much fun and I owe alot of who I am today to her. The only reason I am with DH is because of her. She made me feel pretty. She just brought me out of my shell. THen things fell apart. She started getting into some bad drugs ( meth at the time). I was just starting to put my life together and I just couldn't handle the problems she was bringing. We tried several times to get back in touch. Her mom even tried to get us back together. It just never worked. I didnt trust her. She had lied to me too many times. The last thing I ever said to her ( I had caught her in a lie and was upsest at her that she had put me in a bad position. She called me unaware that I knew she had lied.) " B tell me one thing. Just say Jenn, F*** you." B, " no I won't". Me, " too late you already have." Then I hung up. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. There was no more I could say or do. It was officially over. As I was about 1 month away from the biggest day of my life so far, a girl that we both knew showed up at my house out of the blue. She then told me that B had OD'd on cocaine. I didnt really know what to say. I just kinda sat there taking it all in and just thinking. She told everyone that I didnt care and blah balh. What she doesnt k now is that I went to that hospital and saw B. Several times. It was so hard to see her lying there. To see her mom in tears, an wonder if I could have done soemthing to save her. She died in the same room that mom died in. My knees have never shook so hard as they did that day. Seeing her lying there in the room where my mom had passed away in less than a year before. It took all of my strength to hold it together. To this day I still battle with the whole " could I have done something to save her?" Her sister hates me. I think she blames me. Everyone else tells me there was nothing I could. It still doesnt change anything. I miss her so much. I miss that connection. I havent had any friends since her and I don't know if I will. I just don't let mysefl be vulnerable ( like I am now) to anyone. I think this is probably the most emotional thing I have gone through. I mean I know my mom passed away, but she knew how much I oved her. B never knew. I never told her. I think it's easy to regret things in life. But I think it's even harder to wonder what if. I break down alot about this. The other day DH and I were going through a box. He hands me a frame and says its you and B. All I could was sit there hold it, and miss her. I think DH knows how hard this has been and still is. Guys I'm sorry. I just need so get this out. For my own sanity. I think when we're kids we all expect life to just magically fall together. The we grow up and realize, life isn't like that. We all hit speed bumps had have our hard times. I would rather have an eventfull life full of stories I can tell my kids, then have an easy life where I never experienced anything and everything came easy. I have alife book. It's so damn thick I think it'll take lifetime to read. And I'm proud of it. Everything is ok.
Re: Life
WOW! I know it must have been rough to go through all of that with your best friend. I know you doubt whether there was something you could have done to help her, but honestly you did the right thing.
I hope it feels better to get all of that off your chest. Just keep your head up. Feel blessed that you had the time that you did with her and that she helped you evolve into the person that you are today. Remember that eveything happens for a reason. It was her time, and there was nothing ANYONE could do about that.
I know it is hard, but there really was nothing you could have done. A few years ago, a friend of mine died in a drunk driving accident. It still bothers me. I think it is something that stays with you.
Also, there is someone very close to me with a drug problem. She almost died about a year ago. It has become more difficult for me to deal with lately. I try to talk about it with friends, but unless you are in the situation, you never truly understand. It has started to make me bitter toward people that don't have these problems. Or toward people that feel sorry for "people like that". I've been thinking about joining a support group like al-anon. I have looked online and got literature, but just can't bring myself to go. I'm working on that.
I just want you to know you are not alone. If you ever need anyone to talk to you can e-mail me. amyharper0887 at yahoo dot com.
Sweetie, you are an incrediable brave and strong woman. People come into our lives for a reason and sometimes they have to leave our paths as well. Oddly enough i have 2 stories that combined would read much like yours. If you ever want to talk and share you can email me at jnybrk82 at yahoo.com.
Everyone is right- it was not your fault. I agree with Casie on the "what-if's". You just can't think that. I know it's hard- I do the same thing. My mom overdosed when I was 18 and I was supposed to be with her that day (she lived in Florida) but ended up doing something else. I always think "what if I had been there? would it not have happened??" and the same thing with my dad when he killed himself just 2 years prior to that. What if I had recognized the signs? Could I have talked him out of it? You just have to believe that everything happens for a reason. As hard as it is to think sometimes, these life events made me such a strong, independent person and I don't think I'd be where I'm at today had I not gone through such a crazy childhood. It has made me strive so hard to MAKE it and be a better person. I do battle with depression and PTSD, but I manage. and I have my husband and beautiful baby girl now.
I don't typically share much about my past, I just felt compelled to tell you so you can know that you are NOT alone and you can make it through this!!
life just isn't fair sometimes and it sucks. ((hugs))
Okay, i have tears in my eyes from all of this emotion! I believe we are a very lucky board that we can share and have so much instant support and understanding.
I think we need a group hug (((((HUG...
I'm sorry that you and everyone else who has gone through such tough times. Whatever struggle life throws at you only makes you stronger, and it is a learning experience.
I, too, am glad that we have such a supportive group that we feel comfortable about coming on here and just letting things out, whatever is bothering us at the time. It is probably the best therapy you would ever get.
((hugs))
i'm so sorry you are going through this.