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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
have you guys ever heard of this? promise ring-from parents
my nieces turned 18 yesterday. my brother and sil are VERY religious. my niece posted a pic of a promise ring that she and her sister got from her parents. at first i thought it was odd but i dropped it. well my aunt posted that it was a beautiful ring but she didn't know what a promise ring was. my one niece posted that it was a promise to god and her parents that they won't have sex till their married.
is this a norm in religous families?
i find it a bit odd. but hey to each his own. but i had seriously NEVER heard of it. the only time i've heard of a promise ring. is silly high schoolers that give each other a promise ring.
Re: have you guys ever heard of this? promise ring-from parents
Mangia! My Family Table
i also find it kinda wierd. like they are guilting the kids into not doing it. defnitly not how i will handle it with my kids. but again im not religious at all.
sadly i have no clue (see how much i pay attention, lol). i think they might be baptist
If my parents waited til I was 18 they would've severely missed the boat... lol.
I've heard of kids wearing them, but not of their parents giving them to them.
lol! they also where NOT allowed to date till last year. i know my one neice held true on that by the jury is out on my other niece. i am about 90% she had some secret boyfriends my brother didn't know about
i don't think my one niece will be able to keep her promise. she has a lot of me and my other brother in her. she's screwed. lol
My friend had one. She asked for it. She felt having it on reminded her of the promise she made to herself and somewhat prevented her from getting sucked into the moment.
Of course, I have no idea if the ring worked though it sort of doesn't matter since she married her highschool sweetheart anyway.
ETA: Catholic btw
I agree with this.
I don't really get weird or creepy from it. I like the idea, probably will never do it but I like it. I'm not religious. I agree with pp, I commend the parents for having such an open and honest conversation with their children about it. Not sure that many do that, mine didn't. I also commend the children for making the promise, and at the very least, trying to keep the promise...
while i agree its a good way to have a conversation. its TOTALLY one sided. its making it seem as if doing it is BAD and you will go to hell. and knowing my sister in law that is EXACTLY how its sold
and if the girls asked for it great. im all about morals and being smart.
i am all about them waiting until they are emotionally ready and i don't want them or any kid (especially my daughter) doing anything before they are ready. and would it be great if they waited till marriage. YES. but as someone else said i also wouldn't want them getting married at 19 just to make it legit in the eyes of their parents and god.
and for those who have said i wouldn't knock others religious beliefs. certain members of my family have knocked MY family for NOT being religious and that is my belief. so it goes both ways. they think im wrong for not practicing a religion and i think its creepy/wierd they did it.
i... um, oh boy.
ok, here's my thing: if you have to buy jewelry (or anything they have to have on constantly, for that matter) to remind them to act in a religious manner, that's strange BECAUSE by 18 you're no longer instilliing virtues, you're enforcing them. it's not like a cross necklace to wear once in a while.
the second that jonas kid took his ring off the entire world assumed his was getting laid. and that sucks because you're pressuring them to live up to an ideal that is VERY hard to get to, and if you don't you'll end up guilt ridden over it.
so yeah, that's where i am on it.
that's not to say grace isn't getting a cute little chastity belt for her 15th birthday (because i'm not naive enough to think that starting at 18 will be early enough
I think most parents (including me) would like to see their children wait to have sex until they're emotionally ready for the decision. My issue is that 60% of teens that make a purity pledge break their vow. Even worse, studies show that these teens were less likely to use contraception at their first intercourse.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with telling your kids what your personal values are. Studies show that teens who have open communication with their parents are more likely to delay intercourse. I do however, want my kids to make an active decision about contraception and STI prevention if and when they do become sexually active.
agreed
yea if my parents had given me one at 18, they would have missed the boat by years. i've heard on them, and i think it would be a very sweet gesture, if the girls were like 13. but not as a "promise i won't have sex until i'm married" but more of a "put yourself, God and your future first" type of thing.
for the deeply religious, I feel like it takes the comfort out of sex, when girls are told sex is wrong/bad/ not something you should do unless you're married. i feel like women who are told that, don't ever fully enjoy sex, because it becomes a sort of wrong/unholy, something they are required to do, but only when their husbands want it. i don't like the negative connotation it gives intimacy. i know of families that refuse to talk to their daughters about sex at all, just saying it's something they can only do with their husbands. it makes it scary. My great-aunt married at 17, her parents were very strict and she had no idea there was such a thing as sex. Her husband had to explain it to her on their wedding night. Like every bit of it, and how she could get pregnant. Her parents told her nothing.
lots of these girls end up married super early to boys they don't know well because they don't get to spend alone time with them, and then they mistake lust for love. then they're stuck in marriages for all the wrong reasons.
*disclaimer: i'm not saying that's always the case, and i know a few women who were virgins on their wedding night who have wonderful marriages.
You made some great points, Erica. Young women who are taught to expect pleasure from intercourse are more likely to wait to have sex!