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Poll: (Sort of a spin-off of the promise ring post)
That post got me thinking about young people's view of premarital sex, which made me think about my parents, my sexual explorations, etc. So I just wanted to ask:
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex?
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time?
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom?
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have?
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands?
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now.
Re: Poll: (Sort of a spin-off of the promise ring post)
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex? yes
2. How old were you when you first had sex? too soon'
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom? 16 to date, I kinda was never allowed to have boys in my room. I went to college at 18 and moved to NYC
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have? enough
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands? yes
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now.
I want to teach them that its a big decision, one not to take lightly, that their body is a gift until itself and I hope they value it and share it with right person. (I am Catholic but a realist as well)
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex?
No.
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time?
15 :P
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom?
Date, yes - boys in my room - it actually never really came up I don't think. My house wasn't a hangout house.
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have?
5
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands?
In college I was a kissing slut, LOL, but never a one night stand that was actual sex.
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now.
Hmmm . . . definitely not abstinence since I just don't think it's practical. I will make sure he/they know the options that are out there.
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex? Nope- that's what older brothers and sisters were for
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time? 16.5 to the day the first time I did it.
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom? they let me date- but boys were not allowed in bedrooms.
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have?a nice handfull.
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands?a few... but not with strangers- all with guys I knew well.
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now. thankfully i have 3 boys.... lol. I will push using protection and treating women with respect.... which is how their daddy is - he was always a good man to women growing up, etc. always had girlfriends- not a man-whore, etc... i hope my boys will be like he was.
For full disclosure I'll answer my post:
1. No
2. I was 14. I was way too young and wish I had waited at least a couple years but oh well.
3. We never really talked about whether I could date or not but I was one of those clandestine daters. I never told anyone because I didn't want all the questions.
4. 7
5. No
6. I plan to let my son know about ever option out there but I will TRY not to push any agenda. I just really hope that he's a respectful boy and always protect himself. MH and I will have a formal talk with him before he gets to the point where he's thinking about sex. I think that the teen years (AND 18 YEARS OLD) is entirely too late.
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex? Yes, when I was starting HS my mom had a very open discussion about sex. She let me know that if I needed to go on the pill she would take me, but that I would also need to use condoms.
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time? 18, a month shy of 19
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom? Yes and yes, I made out with boys and did "stuff" but didn't have sex until I was older.
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have? I've actually only ever been with my husband. We started having sex when I was 18, almost 19 and he was 17. At the time it never occurred to us we would end up married but we both knew we wouldn't regret having sex because our relationship was serious.
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands? no
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now. I will absolutely be honest with them the way my mother was with me (especially the use of 2 forms of contraception in case one fails!). I would rather they not wait until marriage to have sex because I think it's a really important part of determining how well a relationship works. But, I do believe in reserving sex for serious relationships, which is a value I hope to convey to them as well.
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time? ~oral: 18 years old. intercourse: 19 years old.
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom? ~yes they did. the subject of boys in the room never came up since I used to just sneak them inside.
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have? ~just 1 and I married him. We were together since we were both 18 and were each other's first.
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands? ~nope
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now. ~I know I will never be able to tell my kids to not have sex, wait to have sex, etc. they will ultimately do what they want. I am leaning more towards keeping them informed and promoting how to be responsible.
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1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex?
NOPE!
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time?15
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom? Yes and Yes but they had no idea I was having my bf over all hours of the night! How stupid were they to have their teenage daughter's bedroom downstairs while they were all upstairs!
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have? Way more then I want to admit!
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands? Yes
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I haven't really thought about this too much since my kids are all 3 and under! I think pushing abstinence on a someone is not always a good thing because they make want to more!
Lauren, that's why I said 'ideally', I don't think any of us has absolutes right now. Just sort of, what would you like to think you'll say to them or try to get across to them sexually speaking.
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex?
no
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time?
oral 15, intercourse 16
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom?
No but obviously it didn't stop me
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have?
4
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands?
no
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now.
Not entirely sure how to address it w/ a boy - I don't expect that he'll abstain until marriage, but I will probably make sure he's educated in protecting himself both from getting a girl pregnant but also from STDs. I think we would try to instill to respect women, treat them well, and think with his head and heart, not just other parts, when deciding. DH had said that his decision was based on knowing that no matter how cautious, there was always still a chance of getting the girl pregnant so he weighed whether or not he slept w/ someone on whether or not this was someone he would be willing to be connected to for the rest of his life should an oops happen. In most of his past relationships, the answer was no.
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex? Nope.
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time? Oral sex:15. Vaginal:19
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom? Yes, I was allowed to date. Yes, I was allowed to have boys in my room. The only boy who spent time in my room was gay, though.
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have? Lovers? I guess 2.
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands? nope
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now.
I don't think that abstinence and protection are mutually exclusive. I've already started having conversations about sex with my kids. It's age appropriate, but I'm not waiting until they are 13 to start talking about sex. They know their body parts and that their bodies belong to them. We'll move on from here as they want to know more. My approach is talk early, talk often. I guess we will see what that means for them in the long run.
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time? Oral: 18 Intercourse: 21
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom? I guess I was allowed to date in high school. I kept it mostly secret from them but they never told me I couldn't. Was not allowed to have boys in my room though.
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have? 2
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands? No
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now. I don't have kids yet and have no idea what I will do when I do have kids.
1. Did your parent(s) sit down and have a formal discussion with you about sex?
Sort of. I don't remember a formal thing but around 13 there were discussions in a general sense where my parents were like, "Listen. Boys want sex. Your friends are going to have sex because they think a guy loves them and they're going to get diicked over. Keep your legs closed and that will give you the power." Or some version of that- the power is in the pvssy kind of thing. My parents were always pretty TMI about sex so I felt comfortable telling my mom everything. I told my mom the first time I saw/touched/had sex with a penis.
2. How old were you when you first had sex? By sex I mean intercourse or oral for the first time? A little over 17. It was Columbus day. I was a senior and he was at Seton Hall. He was home for the day so it just worked out.
3. Did your parents let you date? Have boys in your toom?
I had my first "boyfriend" in 7th grade. They never stopped me. Dating wasn't a big issue for them. They were more concerned with grades. My house was the hang-out house. Boys were allowed in my room. My parents didn't really think things out very well. They grounded me for staying out late the summer between junior and senior year. I had to be home by dark but my boyfriend was allowed over and in my room. I lost my virginity to him much quicker because we spent so much time in my room all summer. It didn't happen till columbus day (Oct) but it might have taken longer had we not spent so much time "practicing". I told my parents it was their fault I got laid. ;-)
4. By the time you were 25, how many lovers did you have?
Four. But I had long relationships till then. It was after my "Dump 25" boyfriend that I got more...experienced. I had a lot of fun between 25-30.
5. Did you ever have 1-night stands?
Sure did. Some were well worth it. Some not-so-much. Some were just good stories.
6. Ideally, how do you think you will deal with the subject with your kids? Will you push abstinence, will you lean more toward telling them that whatever they decide to do just make sure you're protected, etc? I'm sure there are other options but these are the only 2 that I could think of right now.
I will NOT push abstinence. I don't believe in it and I personally think bringing that up puts you out of touch with what's going on in the world of teen sex. I'll just try to be as open and honest as my parents were, stress protection, love, feelings, respect, etc. Since I have a boy, I think I'll be stressing that with pregnancy, his choices mostly become obsolete after pregnancy happens so he needs to be uber-careful unless he wants his life choices made by someone else. Plus of course all the std stuff.