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Etiquette question about donation in lieu of flowers
On of my friend's mom just passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack. This is 2 months before my friend's wedding and I feel so bad for her. I want to send her a card and let her know that I'm thinking about her.
Her mom's obituary says, "In lieu of flowers, please donate to the Democratic National Committee."
So, what's the etiquette for this situation. Should I just make the donation and not say anything about it? Or do a write in the condolence card "A donation has been made to the DNC in honor of your mother". Do I put the amount I donated or leave it out as written above?
Also, I wanted to do something else for my friend just to let her know that I care but I don't know what would be appropriate. I'm not super close with her in that she's not one of my BFFs but I have known her a few years, I am invited to her wedding, and I usually see her about once every 3-4 months or so. We don't really talk on the phone or email much. I was thinking of maybe emailing her to see if I could stop by and bring her a casserole. If she seems like she doesn't want to talk much when I arrive, then I would keep the visit short but if she seems like she does want to talk, I could stay a bit and chat with her and then leave her the casserole so she and her fiance can eat it when they want. Is that weird? Or , if you can think of another way to reach out, let me know. I heard from her best friend that she was pretty distraught over the weekend when everything happened. So, on one hand, I want to give her some space but on the other hand, I want to let her know that people around her care.
Re: Etiquette question about donation in lieu of flowers
I am sorry for your friend's loss.
When my dad died we did a similar thing and people donated to a local rescue squad. The squad sent cards to my mom telling her x made a donation in his name. But, I am not sure if the DNC would have something like that. I don't see an issue with writing on the card that a donation was made in his name.
When DH's dad and later my dad passed, friends stopped by with food. Some stayed to talk and some did not. Seems they usually played it by ear. I did not have an issue with either.
Personally, I would bring something over. I think it is a wonderful gesture to make and one, I am sure, she will appreciate.
You should personally bring her some food or the like.
When you go to the wake/ funeral, bring a card, but make no mention of the donation.
You should call the DNC and ask that they send a card in recognition of your donation in her honor to your friend (I am 100% certain they will do this, but you will have to call as opposed to doing it online).
Stand up for something you believe in.
Most good nonprofits will have a system in place to recognize gifts in honor of X. Like pp mentioned, I'd call them to confirm they can/will notify your friend's family. If not, I think it's ok to mention in the card but not the amount.
Ditto the food. Even if they don't like it or eat it, even if they don't want to talk and you simply drop and run, it will be meaningful to know someone cares about their pain - or at least that was always how I felt.