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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: School issue - long but upsetting & WWYD?
This exactly...there are so many good/caring teachers out of work. Someone like this shouldn't have a job. Like a lot of other said...I would complain to the principal, board of ed., etc.
It if were me I would be there right now, I would have a talk with the highest levels of the school and district about it. I am hoping they can switch his teacher as well.
This.
i am sick, sick, sick reading this. horrified. how can a decent human being deny a small child that young to go to the bathoom?! what a sick ba$tard.
hell isnt all i would raise if it were my kid. i would be go to the principal, the superintendent, the school board... and if i got nowhere with them id take it to the news.
that is totally unacceptable- i know that being a teacher is one of the hardest jobs there is but i dont care what else you have going on, if a kid needs to go to the bathroom you let him go to the bathoom. he shouldnt have to ask 4x and then go in his pants. and the fact that the teacher wasnt even the slightest bit remorseful just fuels the fire.
This bothers me in so many ways. I can understand that the child is normally disruptive and I had no problem with the first time he asked reminding him that he needs to raise his hand. But denying him the right to use the bathroom is not acceptable, especially once he was visibly squirming to hold it in.
If he was crying wolf, and had asked 10 times in the past hour, I could see the teacher being uncertain whether or not each request was "real", Under those circumstances specifically, I wouldn't necessarily fault the teacher for waiting until he was squirming to make a judgement call of ok, he really does need to go.
As a mom, I'm not blind to my child's faults, especially if I were already discussing them with the teacher, and I am not the type to hold my kid blameless. Mine's only 2 and I know full well he uses trips to the potty as a stall tactic. However, this is one area where I've always been of the opinion to err on the side of caution, in case the one time he asks he really does need to go. If this happened to my kid at elementary school, I'd be in the principal's office raising hell.
This is why I was asking earlier about how often the child asks to go to the bathroom at school. I'm curious as to where the teacher's coming from in denying the bathroom request. (I'm also unsure if children this age are allowed to go to the bathroom alone, or if they need a "buddy," or if the whole class has to go together. And is the bathroom in the classroom or is that only for kindergarten and below?)
If there are multiple requests a day where it's being used as a simple break from class (especially if every request is an "emergency" and there is always squirming being used to convince the teacher that it's the real thing when it's actually not), then I can see why she'd deny a request but it's unfortunate that this particular incident turned out to be the real thing. If the bathroom request isn't made frequently and he was in obvious discomfort then that's just unacceptable, period. If there are an above-average amount of requests to use the bathroom and they're all genuine, then a doctor needs to get involved and the school needs to be made aware of this issue.
I had a fourth-grade classmate who asked to use the bathroom, the teacher said, "No, because you always ask me to go because you just want to take a walk," and the girl wound up peeing her pants at her desk. She'd been allowed to go multiple times before that, the teacher finally had enough, and it was just bad timing. I can understand being a teacher and not wanting to allow "disruptions" or let a child just leave the classroom when (s)he wants a break, but I agree with PPs who said that erring on the side of caution for a bathroom request (especially when repeated) is wise.
I definitely think that there should be a talk between the parents, teacher and an adiminstrator, but I would also want to know the full background behind denying the bathroom request. I also think that, if the teacher's admitted that she's overwhelmed with the children in her classroom (are there just too many? does she not have enough aides? do a lot of kids have special needs or behaviorial problems?) then there needs to be a different arrangement. Whether some kids are put in a different class or if there's a switch in teachers or an increase in aides.
Whatever the story behind it, it's just an upsetting situation all around.
As a former first grade teacher, I always let the kids go. I never wanted to take a chance of them having an accident. If my bathroom was occupied, I would send them next door to use their bathroom.
I was very lucky though, because I had a bathroom in my classroom, along with an additional sink outside the bathroom to use for art projects and such. So, there was never an issue of kids using a hall pass to waste time. Even if I didn't have a bathroom in my room, I still would not refuse a child who requested to go multiple times.
That is just awful what that teacher did. If she is so overwhelmed, then she needs to take a sabbatical or something. The children should not have to suffer because the teacher is inadequate.
*always remembering Annaleigh Lucy*
Thank you all very much for all of your replies. It is very reassuring to know that my own opinion to the situation has been mirrored by so many of your own.
In response to the couple questions about the child perhaps having a history of excessively asking to use the bathroom I can tell you they do not. While they may get up out of their chair without asking to say sharpen a pencil or yell out an answer without raising their hand they do not abuse the bathroom privilege.
I do not want to get any more specific than I already have and want to make sure I say this was a hypothetical scenario and not identifying to anyone specifically.
Totally unacceptable, and this is coming from someone who teaches middle/high school. I never deny the bathroom. I might ask for them to wait until we get past a certain part of the lesson, or until someone else gets back from the bathroom, but if they say they can't wait - I let them go. If I think they are doing it just to get out of class, or if they go regularly, I will pull them aside and tell them that I think I will call their parents to give them a heads up that they have been needing to use the restroom a lot, and that maybe there is a medical issue that needs to be addressed. Often they will tell me it's not necessary, and all of a sudden they no longer have to go as often. But again, that is with older kids, and I would never tell them no. I'm so mad for you, and sad for your LO.
Before my crohns diagnosis, ALL growing up, this happened to me. Never mind I was an A student/honor roll. If it was an inopportune time for a "break" it was a "no". It's not only scarred me, but even now I have an embarrassment about going to the restroom. Above all, it is a health issue. It is not safe to "hold it in".
I was my sister's legal guardian for her high school & she has kidney issues. The teacher's fought with her. I told her to LEAVE the classroom, not even ask & GO. Then I went & raised hell.
Sometimes, it is not even a question of going. If you have "issues", the feel of pressure might make you feel the need to go AND IT IS STILL NOT CRYING WOLF. IT IS LEGITIMATE. This teacher is lucky I am not the parent.
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I agree 100% with this..sick!
After speaking to the teacher I would be in the superintendent's office raising hell.
You do not teach them a point while denying the basic bathroom request many times over.
This child should be evaluated for their other behavior. There are many things that could be wrong here. BUt humiliating him like that should be punished!
Go straight to the superintendent's office with a letter stating what had happened that day (the fact that he has behavior issue in my opinion has nothing to do with the fact she made the kid poo poo in his pants in front of the class after he told her he needs to go). Ask them to sign as to certify that they received it. And then demand moving the teacher from that classroom.