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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
QOTD Wednesday
What is one thing that your DH does that drives you insane (and not in a good way)?
What do you do that makes DH crazy?
What is one thing that you could do "to be a better wife"?
Re: QOTD Wednesday
My DH makes me crazy with his constant running commentary when I am watching TV or listening to something that I am interested in, but he isn't really. Whether it is the news, the Today Show, some reality TV show, or just a TV show - he's full of "oh like that would happen", "that guy doesn't know what he's talking about", "oh sure, but what they don't tell you about that is...." to the point where I can't even hear what is going on with whatever it is that I am watching, and totally can't enjoy it. Luckily he travels enough that I tend to be able to DVR whatever I want to watch in peace, and turn it on after he leaves - but it doesn't work so well with the news. (I guess this is just the nice way to say he's a "know it all")
As for what I do - it is totally related to the above. I have honed this skill with him where I just stop listening altogether. It is clearly necessary for my sanity - but that doesn't mean that he gets it. He's totally started catching on, and now he asks me questions about what he just said, and sometimes I am able to throw out some sort of vague answer, but most of the time he knows that I haven't heard a word he has said. Sometimes we joke about it, but other times I know it hurts his feelings. I tell him that if he didn't spew so much unnecessary bullsh*t all of the time, I would pay attention to the important stuff - but then I think we sound like we swapped roles somehow.
"To be a better wife" - clearly I need to start listening to him a little more - maybe throw in some questions before I zone out completely? He was a middle child - I guess he just needs more attention than I am giving him, maybe.
One thing DH does that drives me crazy: He listens to audiobooks in the car/at work and then relates the ENTIRE plot of the book to me. If I want to read the book myself, he just spoiled it, and if I don't want to read the book myself, I don't really care about a detailed retelling of it. He does the same thing with movies he's seen and I haven't. Or if he's reading a news article, he'll tell me all about what it says, usually while I'm trying to do something else.
Something I do that makes DH crazy: Actually the exact same thing KtotheJ said she does. When he's talking on and on about something that bores me, I tend to zone out and stop listening because I lose my ability to distinguish between what's important and what's not, and then I sometimes miss things that are important (to DH, anyway).
Something I could do "to be a better wife": Put down my book when DH is talking to me. A lot of times I try to read and listen at the same time and it doesn't usually go too well.
1) Can I name two? These are really dumb, but they drive me up the wall. First, whenever he comes in the back door, he takes his shoes off on the mat and leaves them there on the mat right in front of the door. This is annoying for 2 reasons, a) it means I always have to move them to go out that door and b) because of the way the kitchen is arranged, they are also in front of the pantry and they have to be moved if I want to open the pantry. I've mentioned to him a few times that once he has wiped his feet on the mat, he could leave his shoes in front of the other door (it's french doors where only one side opens) and he always says "oh yeah, that makes sense" but HE STILL LEAVES THEM THERE!!!!!
The other thing that drives me nuts is that after any meal at the kitchen table, he always leaves his dirty napkin on his placemat. He's great about putting his own dishes away and lately has been wonderful about taking my plate, too. But he always forgets his stupid napkin. I don't know why this bugs me so much but it does.
2) In general, I just let too much clutter build up...and it's usually just my clutter. And it's usually worse in our bedroom (since I try harder to keep the rest of the house looking okay since that's what people see when they come over).
3) Hmmm, I think to be a better wife, I need to be better about not being so sharp-tongued when I'm in a bad mood. (unless my bad mood is his fault, lol)
What is one thing that your DH does that drives you insane (and not in a good way)? The way he chews gum, which he doesn't do that often, because he saw himself on youtube chewing gum and he realized he sounds crazy. Win! But - something that he does ALLTHETIME is when he eats something (usually something like a sandwich or taco - something that doesn't need a fork) he makes this inhaling noise and it grosses me out to no end. I ask him if it's necessary and he says no, so he'll stop then start again, I usually take my food and go somewhere else to eat.
What do you do that makes DH crazy? Whistle. I'm apparently not that great
What is one thing that you could do "to be a better wife"? I could probably not harp on him so much about leaving his clean, folded clothes on the dryer for weeks at a time, or for not rinsing the sink after he shaves, or for making his dresser look like a trash dump, or for leaving dirty dishes in the sink (this is makes no sense - he has to walk farther to get to the sink - just put them in the dishwasher!!)
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
Things DH does that drive me crazy - there are two little things. One, when he throws out used tissues in the bathroom trash can (which is inside the cabinet), the tissue doesn't always make it into the trash can. When I empty the trash, it makes me feel queasy to have to pick up used tissues. Yuck. I keep mentioning it to him and he keeps promising to be better, but no luck. Two, he has a habit of leaving dirty laundry on top of the bed or in baskets of clean laundry. That is usually somewhat due to my not putting away laundry right away, but it irks me.
Things I do to drive him crazy - I am terrible at putting dishes in the sink or dishwasher. And when I'm eating, I bite down on the fork and my teeth click against the metal. That makes him so mad.
Ways I could be a better wife - listening to him more and making more time for us as a couple vs. us with LO.
1) When he hangs his stinky, STINKY (used) bike clothes on the baby gate in the kitchen (the gate blocks the stairs to the basement...which is where the laundry is. Just throw the nast down the stairs, yo! I don't wanna smell it when I'm cooking!)
2) While I'm positive I do things that annoy him, he's far more laid back than me. I think I could probably do better about putting clutter away though (but, again, I think this probably bothers me more than him).
3) I have tried really hard to not criticize him. If he does something that I wouldn't do and the world didn't come to an end, why do I feel the need to tell him how *I* would do it? Anyway, I've been working really hard on improving in this area in the past 6 months or so & I think I've gotten better. There are still times when I need to hold my tongue---i'm not totally cured!!---but it's better.
1. he bites his utensils. omg it's like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. i wince every single time he does it. he also slurps, but the clinking and scraping of teeth on forks just makes me BSC.
2. i fall alseep without going to bed and then complain in the morning about not sleeping well. he is always getting on me about purposefully going to bed (doing my bedtime routine), turning off the lights and tv, setting my pillow up, etc. Instead, i frequently pass out while nursing audrey and just stay propped up on the bed with the lights and tv on until he comes up to bed.
3. i think i'm a pretty good wife. we've had our life moments and we've worked hard to make improvements to ourselves and our relationship. i honestly can't think of anything right now that i could do better in the wife department. i wish we were intimate more often, but we just don't have the time.
1. DH is super helpful and, to be honest, does more of the housework than I do. But he does this thing where he'll declare that he's done with a particular task or room, and there's always one really obvious thing that's left to do. Like he'll put all the dishes in the dishwasher but not take two seconds to wash the nice knife that has to be hand washed. Or he'll clean the TV room but leave a bunch of papers on the coffee table. It annoys the crap out of me.
2. I tend to talk to him incessantly when he comes home from work and not give him a few minutes to decompress and relax. Pretty sure it drives him nutso.
3. Help out around the house more. DH really does do the lion's share of the work and it's not very fair.
Lindsey - you would hate to be married to me. I don't slurp, but I do clink my teeth against my fork. It drives DH crazy, but I am working on it.
What is one thing that your DH does that drives you insane (and not in a good way)? He frequently gets up in the middle of the night and eats peanut butter, and this makes me crazy for 2 reasons: 1) he leaves the spoon in the sink, so I have to try to pry the cemented spoon off in the morning to rinse the sink, and 2) because although he's trying to be nice and cuddle when he comes back to bed, he breathes peanut butter grossness in my face while I'm asleep, which gags me a little and wakes me up.
What do you do that makes DH crazy? Leave hair in the shower upon occasion. Or him being able to see my hair I clean out of a brush in the trash. This has been solved by having 2 bathrooms.
What is one thing that you could do "to be a better wife"? I could nag less. I nag about several things on a regular basis and I think i need to live with them because I don't think they'll change, and long term, they're tiny things that don't matter.
Stand up for something you believe in.
1. Actually the same as pp. Constantly chatting about random nothingness during one of 'my' shows. And not necessarily about the show. But apparently, if HE doesn't care about the show, then I should be more than willing to stop watching it and give him my full, undivided attention as he discusses the merits of reduced fat peanut butter or something equally important and timely.
2. My TV habit - he will probably tell you the reason he interrupts me is because I'm always watching fine programming such as Teen Mom, The Batchlor (although even I can't get into it this year), RHWO(whatever), etc.
3. DH is very active and get's overjoyed when I actually participate in something with him. Even little things like going running (which I need to do anyway) or going to the driving range with him mean a lot and I should try to be the 'playmate' he wants a bit more.
What I do: I'm sure there are many things, but one is that I steal the covers at night. I don't do it on purpose, but I get cold easily and I like to wrap the covers around myself like a cocoon.
What I could do: Generally, I could be more patient and "nicer."
1. He has allergies and asthma and is constantly hacking, sneezing and sniffling. This is not his fault. What is his fault is that he often flat out refuses to take medicine, lets his prescriptions run out for over a month and is generally very lax about controlling his symptoms. Symptoms that drive me freaking crazy, especially when they lead to coughing and snoring all night long.
2. I'm sure there are many. I forget to toss bad food in the refrigerator ("science experiments", he says). I would rather throw yucky jars in the trash than clean them for recycling. I don't even know what day the recycling comes. I leave the backyard light on when I let the dogs in at night.
3. I'm sure he would like me to be more affectionate in general. I'm not as cuddly as he is.
I do this too. I have to buy new tupperware/storage containers all the time because I just throw it out instead of cleaning it out. We don't have a garbage disposal, so it's more involved that just rinsing it down the sink and it makes me gag. It's just easier to buy new things.
I am killing the earth single-handedly. One rotten meatloaf at a time.
We make the rockin' world go 'round.
1. If we need to do something at a specific time, like leave to go somewhere, or are having people over, and he has a task to do, like shower & change or help me get the house cleaned up, he will do other, un-related tasks first and leave the stuff that needs to be done until later. Most of the time, whatever needs to be done gets done in time, but it stresses me out with worry that it won't, and I can't understand why he doesn't just get ready or do the chores first and then make a phone call or get on Twitter or whatever.
2. I get stressed when we entertain. I enjoy it, but it stresses me out to get everything done (this is exacerbated somewhat by the above!)
3. I could be less snippy when I'm tired or in a bad mood that's unrelated to something he's done.
1: He leaves the pizza package and cutter on the counter every time he makes a frozen pizza! Same with the ice cream scooper. How hard is it to put the utensils 5" over in the sink/garbage?
2: It annoys him that my hair ends up everywhere. I don't even know how to prevent this one. Oh, and he hates my obsession with "gross" anatomy. I like medical shows, and crime shows that show the procedures. He can't stand it.
3: I should probably talk about plan/ and the future less. He's an in-the-moment kind of guy and doesn't enjoy all my planning.
What he does: Instead of putting away his clothes right away, they end up balled up between his side of the bed and the nightstand. Drives me nuts, especially when I'm trying to get over there and dust.
What I do: steal the covers at night- he says I look like a burrito by morning! We actually have a too-big comforter on our bed to ensure there's plenty of it. Also, I often hog the bed, sleeping right in the middle (this is unintentional though since I do it in my sleep). Finally, I will often ask him to do something for me, then while he's still doing said task I ask him to do something else.
What I could do: I can't think of an improvement on the bed situation, but I could complain and nag less. I'm trying to be more laid-back, but I'm a perfectionist- everything has its place, needs to be done a certain way, etc.
Planning Bio
What is one thing that your DH does that drives you insane (and not in a good way)?
1) declares that he has unloaded the dishwasher, yet all the lunch containers and glasses have merely been moved from the dishwasher to the counter. nothing is really away.
he can also stay on the couch and watch TV for HOURS at a time. HOURS. i hate on the weekends when i can look around the house and see things that need to be done and he needs to be dragged to help me finish things. i have a few shows i like but wow he watches a lot of TV
he also turns on the TV in the morning when he feeds the dog (which takes seriously 2 minutes) but then leaves it on when they got for a walk. he leaves TV and lights on all over the place. drives me batty.
What do you do that makes DH crazy?
i never have my keys ready to go. they are always buried in my purse somewhere. either locking the house, getting inthe car, out of the car etc i can never find them quickly.
i also like to do just loads of socks and towels in the washing machines to avoid missing socks. he hates this.
What is one thing that you could do "to be a better wife"?
work less!
What is one thing that your DH does that drives you insane (and not in a good way)? He says "like" too much. I don't notice it all the time, but when I do it drives me crazy. He's a 36-year-old attorney! He shouldn't be saying "like" so much!
What do you do that makes DH crazy? Like pp, he is much more patient about things than I am and probably would have a hard time coming up with something about me. I could definitely help more with cleaning--he almost always empties the dishwasher and washes up after we make dinner. I think it started when I was pregnant and lazy and I just never started back doing it.
What is one thing that you could do "to be a better wife"? I could definitely listen better. He likes to talk about his day when he gets home from work, and I'm glad to help him get it off his chest but sometimes it's too much (stuff I don't understand, people I don't know, frequent complaints) and I zone out a bit.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
Him: Uses his fingers to push his food onto his fork instead of using the other food on the plate, or another utensil. DRIVES ME CRAZY. To the point where I know shout his name out loud when I see The Hand creeping over.
Me: Lord, where do I start? I was a single parent for 10 years; I have a lot of control issues. And often speak to him like he's my child. I am working very hard on not doing this, but when I am tired or really annoyed, I know he hears it in my tone if not my words.
To be better: Stop shouting his name when I see him using his hands when he eats. He's 47, his table manners are not my problem to solve. Also, and perhaps more importantly, talk to him when he gets home (which means I'd have to stop working). He works with his brother all day and they don't talk to each other so he's craving human interaction at the end of the day. I work in a large office and am craving silence at the end of the day. We're trying to come up with a compromise.
you know, this is a really good QOTD esp for the day after V-Day, to remind us all of the things we can do better ... if only there was a way to share waht they do "wrong," too!
"What is a week-end?"
Him: I get super annoyed in the fall when it is beautiful outside and he wants to stay home and watch football. I liked football in moderation but now that every game every weekend every team has interest to him, I absolutely hate it. He has tried to limit the football watching but no matter the level, it still annoys me.
Me: I am sure there are tons of things. We have a chair in our room that I use as clothing storage that I don't feel like hanging up. It totally irks him but he has stopped commenting because no matter my intentions, there is always stuff on it.
To be better: I could clean the chair off. I should cook more food that he likes because really, he does all the house work, but we have totally conflicting food tastes and I don't like cooking things that I only like sort of.
DH will use his laptop when we are watching a show together. sometimes he reads his feeds and he'll shake the bed he's laughing so hard but it has nothing to do with what we are supposed to be watching together. his focus is not undivided and the laughing and carrying on makes watching a show with him a little annoying
I get so hungry to a point where DH will ask me what I want for dinner and I am so hungry I cant make up my mind, I just want food! this happened more when DH would work until 11 but he wouldnt really know he'd be that late so I'd wait and wait and wait for him. he wouldnt text to say how late he'd be home. I end up saying I want mexican, chinese, pizza. he usually jokes that ok we'll go to the mexican, chinese pizza restaurant. he knows there are restaurants i dont like though so he'd really just like me to choose.