New Jersey Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
God this sucks
I know stopping IF treatments was the right choice. The odds of my conceiving on my own are slim to none and the cost of using donor eggs just isn't in the cards. If we didn't already have a child, I wouldn't think twice about spending 10k or more to get one but now we have to weigh that expense against things like Mia's college fund,etc and I feel like I'm taking something away from her, if that makes sense. I'll also be 39 next month and when I really, really think about it, I like where we are. Mia's 6 and do we REALLY want to start all over with a newborn? However, I resent that we even have to make these choices. If it just happened naturally, we wouldn't be forced to really dig this deep, it would just be. So I'm totally rambling but I finally dug out all of her clothes I'd been saving because I feel that I need to purge to get some closure and it sucks. Truly, deeply sucks.
Re: God this sucks
I could duplicate this word for word, except that I'll be 43 in a couple of months and Alana is 2. Other than that, word for word...... I really and truly do understand and I wish I had some words of wisdom to help make you feel better, but, I haven't found them yet.....so, I'll just say I am so so sorry for everything you are feeling.....
Not a newbie, but, had to create a new account - formerly LBR_NJ
My Blog - "Helping Make Sense"
((((hugs)))) I'm sorry
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Became a Mrs. on 4/29/06 and a Mommy on 12/5/08
I hope that by purging, you are making room for the new to come in and you get your little miracle. Lots of hugs and love to you!
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
I'm so sorry. We were actually in the reverse situation. It took us 2 year to conceive DD #1. After 2 miscarriages, a chemical pregnancy and 2 IUIs, we finally conceived her with our first IVF (we had a lost twin with that IVF as well).
When we started TTC #2 I was terrified, not knowing if it would ever happen. While I prayed a lot during that process, I was in a different place. I didn't feel as desperate to have a child since we already had our first child. As much as I wanted a 2nd child I tried to brace myself for the fact that it might not happen. We TTC for one month on our own, and then went right back to IVF. The first IVF failed and by some miracle a month after that we conceived on our own naturally.
Also, one of my very good friends, her friend was told there was less than a 10 percent chance she could have a 3rd child after a serious medical condition was discovered. Took her years to accept that news and then out of the blue she got pregnant with #3 naturally. She just had the baby last month.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that the whole process is so difficult and heartwrenching and it is good to accept what may never be, but if you and your DH still want to try naturally you just never know. Miracles do happen.
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Yeah, I get that. That's why I got rid of all the baby clothes I had been saving. Yes, we could end up with a miracle but I can't think that way. I just need the stuff out of here, as hard as it was to part with it. I'm sorry you're dealing w/ this crap too.
I've passed a lot of A's clothes on to a friend with a new baby as well. I look at it this way, I needed to unload stuff for my own sanity, it reduces the clutter in my house which is also good for my sanity, and should that miracle actually happen, I'll be happy to celebrate it with some new clothes. In the meantime, I couldn't look at them or know they were in my home.
It's also perfectly normal to go through the grieving process - denial, pain, anger, depression and finally acceptance. I think I'm somewhere in anger still even though I thought I had gotten further.
I just keep reminding myself that no matter what, I have a son who is everything I could possibly want in a little boy. No matter what happens, we're a family. It doesn't make dealing with it easier, it just reminds me not to get so wrapped up in what I don't have that I neglect what I do have. My son needs me to be a happy mommy for him.
I'm so sorry. It sucks. I'm in the same position but we were going with the adoption route since there is no way I can carry a pregnancy. I just can't fathom spending that much money knowing what other things I can use it for on our daughter we were lucky enough to have.
Purging always helps. Hugs to you.