mommy k's daddy is in jail...whats jail???

mrs.marie.g

thats the conversation i had with belle at dinner tonight (and for the record this is the girl she wanted to go to church with.

this is the conversation...

mommy k's daddy's is in jail.

mommy and daddy choke on their food.

i said oh ok. she goes k says daddy stop being mean to mommy . daddy stop being mean or your going to go in time out. and then her daddy went to jail. whats jail mommy.

(me to ken....i have NO idea how to react to this) ken to me...do you think its true? me to ken. thats a pretty elobarate story to JUST make up.

me to arabelle....jail is not a place you want to go and then we started talking about what she had for lunch?

 

how in gods name do i handle this subject if it comes up again? i have NO idea if its true and have no idea how to ask the teacher or the director. imean what if its NOT true.

oiy vey...thoughts

penguingrrl

Eeek, that's a toughie! I guess I wouldn't say anything and hope that if Belle and K remain friends you'll get to know her mom and maybe eventually hear something about her dad to either confirm or deny. Yeesh!

mrs.marie.g

penguingrrl:

Eeek, that's a toughie! I guess I wouldn't say anything and hope that if Belle and K remain friends you'll get to know her mom and maybe eventually hear something about her dad to either confirm or deny. Yeesh!

actually k is one of the three kids invited to her party from her class but i haven't heard from her mom yet.

again oiy vey

knittygrl

Omg I don't know but is it bad that your post just cracked me up!? 

wed2506

honestly, I would have told her what jail was..jail is a place where people who do bad things go...compared it to an adult time out.  Then answer any questions that would follow after that statement. Most of the time, kids at that age will let it go and move on.  Crazy that you even have to think about this though!

mrs.marie.g

wed2506:

honestly, I would have told her what jail was..jail is a place where people who do bad things go...compared it to an adult time out.  Then answer any questions that would follow after that statement. Most of the time, kids at that age will let it go and move on.  Crazy that you even have to think about this though!

i thought about it. but then (if this IS true which i suspect it might be) i didn't want her to make any kids in school feel BAD that their daddy/mommy is in jail.

and seriously this is crazy. i knew she went to a bit of a ghetto fabulous daycare but i didn't even THINK of this. oh well. she's well diversified. cause where she goes to dance class we EASILY look like the ghetto fab people. oh well

ladyredlight

Keep the explanation as simple as possible. 

Love the ghetto fab comment

AmyRob04

Just tell her it's a place for grown ups who do really bad things to have a time out and think about what they did wrong.

wed2506

mrs.marie.g:

wed2506:

honestly, I would have told her what jail was..jail is a place where people who do bad things go...compared it to an adult time out.  Then answer any questions that would follow after that statement. Most of the time, kids at that age will let it go and move on.  Crazy that you even have to think about this though!

i thought about it. but then (if this IS true which i suspect it might be) i didn't want her to make any kids in school feel BAD that their daddy/mommy is in jail.

and seriously this is crazy. i knew she went to a bit of a ghetto fabulous daycare but i didn't even THINK of this. oh well. she's well diversified. cause where she goes to dance class we EASILY look like the ghetto fab people. oh well

I would also talk to the teacher and/or mom (if you have a relationship with her) and let them know the child is talking about this. They may not know & could address it with her. I would not make a big deal but would definitely give them a heads up.  

hookersbabe

the only thing with telling her jail is a place for bad people or is a really bad place is that if K brings it up again, then you have Belle telling her that her dad is a bad person or is in a really bad place...this kid is going through a lot, she doesn't need more inadvertantly piled on...

mrs.marie.g

hookersbabe:

the only thing with telling her jail is a place for bad people or is a really bad place is that if K brings it up again, then you have Belle telling her that her dad is a bad person or is in a really bad place...this kid is going through a lot, she doesn't need more inadvertantly piled on...

THIS EXACTLY WAS MY THOUGHTS. I didn't (and could totally see belle being like no my mommy says jaiil is for BAD people your daddy is bad! and then the kid feels badly.

 I actually talked to her teacher this am. She said just keep it simple. He's going away and they won't see him for a while. She said thats what she would have said to the kids if they asked her.

Liz051405

First, I'd ask the teacher for confirmation. If it isn't true and its a misunderstanding, you don't want to be telling her K's Daddy is "really bad".

Second, we describe it as a "very long time-out for grown-ups" (though we've never actually used the word jail)

That said, we were somewhat shocked last night to discover M knows that jail is where the police put people that break the law. We shouldn't really be surprised given MH's line of work. But last night M showed a huge interest in "What cases did you get today, Daddy?" He explained a robbery case as "One man that took some things from a store and hurt someone there so the police arrested him to give him a grown-up time out" (He left out that he hurt them with a gun, etc). M just said "Oh so they put him in jail then? That's good because we don't take things that aren't ours or hit people."

tara07733

I don't see the reason to get choked up. I would have just explained that jail is a place some people go to when they do things that aren't good. If she gets scared and thinks that if she does something bad she'll go to jail explain to her that it doesn't work like that. Id They to not use the word bad but again, just explain to her. I think that we tend to want to make mountains out of small things. I'll bet you anything that it will be a short conversation. But be honest and let her know that it's no reflection on her friend or even the friend's mother.

mrs.marie.g

tara07733:

I don't see the reason to get choked up. I would have just explained that jail is a place some people go to when they do things that aren't good. If she gets scared and thinks that if she does something bad she'll go to jail explain to her that it doesn't work like that. Id They to not use the word bad but again, just explain to her. I think that we tend to want to make mountains out of small things. I'll bet you anything that it will be a short conversation. But be honest and let her know that it's no reflection on her friend or even the friend's mother.

i got choked up because i didn't expect that when i asked about her day.