Trouble in Paradise
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How old is too old to have a baby?
What age do you think should be the cut-off for getting pregnant? Assuming the woman is healthy and the doctor gives the go ahead.
If you saw a woman in her mid 40's with a newborn, would you assume it's her grandchild or her baby? Would you judge a pregnant woman of that age and think it's irresponsible because it's considered high risk?
FI and I had a discussion about this last night and I'm curious what others think.
Re: How old is too old to have a baby?
menopause
p.s. 40 with a baby? I would probably assume it was the woman's own.
My cut-off age for me and my cut-off age for everyone else is totally different.
If you, as a woman or as a couple, arm yourselves with all the information about the risks and the possibilities and what-ifs and decide that it is worth it, then fine by me.
I do side-eye that 70 year old woman and her doctor, however. If you can't be more certain than not that your child will have at least one parent to make it past high school graduation, I judge.
My own personal cutoff age is, if I haven't spawned by around 36-38, I will most likely skip it. But that has a lot to do with the way I want my life to go and not wanting my kid(s) to be a decade younger than the little dude.
If I saw a woman in her 40s with a kid I would assume it was hers, though it's A) hard to know for sure these days because there are some very young parents/grandparents but also many parents starting later in life and
none of my d@mn business.
I would say 40. I do not think I would have the physical or mental ability after 40. (i am over 40 and know how i feel) I think maybe if i never had any other kids I might push the 40 a little. we see celeberties do it all the time, but we do not have the resources that they do.
I would definitely not want to have the sleepless nighrts, the lugging all the crap around, daycare, teething, etc...again. Not to mention the risk of issues that can arise for both mother and child as a mother gets older.
I was 40 with my first and 41 with my second. I get called "Grandma" All. The. Time.
A 70yo had a baby? I'm off to google that!
Interesting replies!
We are actually possibly considering this. We are just in the discussion stage of things right now and we are both okay with not having a baby. It was a really good discussion and I was pleasantly surprised that he was even entertaining this idea. He had a look in his eye when he talked about it that made me believe he is seriously considering it and maybe even excited at the thought of it.
I will be 43 when we get married and then almost 44 when we would start trying. Who knows, I may even have started menopause by then.
I worry about my energy level and cheating our child out of having younger parents. His mom was 46 when she had him and I know he feels a little cheated that by his mid 30's both of his parents had passed away. I know that can happen to young parents too, but they were in their early 80's.
ETA: My urge to want more kids comes and goes but it is really strong right now! I think about it daily. Maybe now that we are engaged it's made me think about these things. I don't know! Baby fever at 42 is a strange thing.
Did you have a high energy level prior to your first? Do you feel like you are able to handle it okay without any regrets? Not that you regret your children, but the age in which you had them?
My Blog
I think mid-40's is the cutoff.
I had DS when I was 33. My friends are all having their babies at about the same age. I think it's not that atypical, especially if you get a college degree, then get married, then have the kids. But I live in the south now, and I have been asked many a time if DS if mine or if he is my grandson. I may not look super young, but I don't look like a grandma!!!
I think every person is different...every situation is different.
If a doctor okays it, and a woman is healthy (both physically and mentally), than power to her.
As long as the parent(s) are emotionally and financially capable and ready to raise a child and do not have any health conditions preventing them from having a child/raising a child...then go for it.
My mother and stepfather had my baby sister when my mother was 46 and my stepfather was 63. I was 16 at the time, and anyone outside of our circle of family and friends thought my sister was my baby.
My sister is 13 now, and my mother struggles with raising her. My stepfather has Parkinson's (it's pretty far progressed), and my mother is exhausted. She has admitted to letting go of a lot of things she would have never let go of when I was my sister's age, and frankly it's apparent. I just hope that my sister grows up to be an independent and functioning adult.
It would totally depend. So, my answer is that it's a case by case basis.
If you want to, and he wants to, I say go for it! I lost my dad when I was 27 and he was only 54. So, having kids young obviously doesn't guarantee anything. I probably would start to think it's not a great idea after 50 though.
For me? 42 is too old, but 41 is just fine. Not sure why I think that, but I apply it to everybody.
That being said, my eyebrow doesn't hit the ceiling till 45. So there's some 42-45 wiggle room where I think individual circumstances can apply.
LOL...so as long as I don't come in here after age 45 and announce that I'm pregnant, I won't get the side-eye from you? Good to know!
Actually the whole thing worked out perfectly for me: I took a voluntary layoff at 8.5 months pregnant, with the intention to go back, but then got pregnant right away again with #2 and stayed home until he was 10. We actually moved overseas for a few years.
Having kids at 40 is perfect, I think. We were very well settled financially, had much more patience and a much more realistic set of expectations than many (but not all) much younger people. Financial planning was very important to both of us, and our kids' college funds are fully funded today (they are 14 and 15).
I think 45 starts to get pretty hairy for everyone involved. 40 is like the yellow light - some danger but ok. I wanted to have #2 before 40, but unless I get pregnant in the next week, that's not happening.
I do think it's also dependent on the people as well. It's tiring, but I don't think I could have done it earlier.
I would say age 50.
I think if you are 40 or above, and feel able to do it then go for it. I wouldn't necessarily think "Grandma" if I saw a 40-yr-old with a newborn. Women are waiting longer and longer to have children for many reasons.
Mort, are y'all talking about kids after you get married?
According to MTV the cut off age is 18. Especially if you want to be on TV.
I'm not sure what I would consider too old. Maybe mid forties?
I don't think there is anything selfish about this. We all know what we are equipped to handle.
Right now, DH and I are seriously considering not having children, though we're definitely open to possibly changing our minds in the future (we're in our mid-20s and have been married almost 2 years, so we have a while). My personal cut-off, though, is somewhere in my mid-30s.
For other people, I don't really care one way or the other, as it's not really any of my business. My parents were older when they had me (my mom was 40 and my dad was 42), and I grew up with people assuming they were my grandparents, which was kind of rough (bullying and all that in elementary school). But I don't think I'd side-eye a woman in her 40s (or even her 50s, really) that had a baby. As long as she's financially and physically able, then it's up to her.
TTC #1 since 10.2011
I think 35 is not too old, but 45 is too old. I don't know where the line is between these two numbers.