I want to discuss smoking.

DruidPrincess

We seem to be on a bit of a roll with issues that get people's hackles up for different reasons... so let's go.

Disclaimer:  I have smoked a cigarette or two, but have never taken up the habit - same with DH.  I grew up in a household of non-smokers, but obviously was exposed to smokers either in relatives or friends. 

For those who smoke:  would you say you are addicted to it? 

For those with children who smoke:  what do you say to your children, if anything, about your smoking?  

 

Here's why I ask and want to discuss:  We currently cohabitate with MIL, who smokes 6-8 cigarettes daily - going outside to do so, thankfully - but the kids see it.  MIL's mother, who passed away at 90 years old last summer, smoked right up until she couldn't gasp for air anymore, and SIL and her kids also smoke.  We message to them that smoking is bad for you, is a dangerous habit and has the chance of killing you.  Naturally the kids are now telling MIL she shouldn't smoke since it's bad for her and she could die - to which she says smoking doesn't kill everyone (true) and she always goes back to how her mom lived until 90 with smoking.  (Also true, but the woman's quality of life in the last 15 years was hardly desirable.)

I am thankful MIL complies with our wishes that, if she must smoke, she has to take it outside and not do it indoors.  We wish she wouldn't smoke at all, but that is something she has to decide for herself - however I feel it is incumbent upon me to make no bones to the kids, when they bring it up, that smoking is something I hope they never-ever-ever take up.  DH & I don't initiate the topic, but we do speak frankly about it when the kids ask or mention it.

Thoughts?

jason&robin

My dad smoked till I was 18. He smoked quite a bit. Both his parents smoked. We went out to visit my grandfather because he wasn't doing well. He had emphysema and pulmonary fibrosis. He was on oxygen 24 hrs a day. He had to go to the hospital while we were there. It wasn't pretty. My dad came home from that trip and straight up quit. My grandfather died about 6 months later. I was so proud of my dad for quitting. I do believe he was addicted but it was enough to see his dad like that to make him want to stop.

We saw one of those lungs at the body exhibits. Definitely makes a point.

ETA: He also had prostate cancer but they(drs) didn't even do anything about it because they knew the lung issues would kill him first. Pretty sad when cancer isn't the biggest issue.

RoxBride

I think that's all you need to do.

At this point, your kids are too young to take up smoking, so yeah, you don't need to bring it up except when they do.

RyanandManda

My grandmother (mother's mother) smoked until she died from lots of cancers and emphysema (spelling?) at age 67.  We visited as kids once a month or so from what I remember.  She smoked inside and had no regard for smoking around us.  My little sister got a spot on her lung from it (she was a toddler) and it was very scary.  I never wanted to smoke after that.

My mom smoked too but I don't really remember it.  She stopped smoking each time she got pregnant (3x) and only smoked outside when she did.  She quit for good after her 3rd pregnancy (my sis).  I think she would only have 2-3 cigs a day so it's not really something I recall seeing as a child.  She was only doing it to get back at her father (he hated that her mom smoked and my mother had good reasons to hate her father) but has admitted to me, as an adult, that she still gets cravings for it and was definitely addicted despite never smoking heavily and never really WANTING to smoke/enjoy it if that makes any sense.

When DD was born, we made it clear to our smoking family members (my bro and DH's 2 cousins) that they were not to smoke in their clothes if they were going to be visiting with us.  We were hardcore about it even during pregnancy and they've been, overall, very respectful.

GL with MIL.  I can't imagine having to deal with that since it's pretty far removed from our daily life at this point.  Stand your ground, go with your instincts, and protect your kids how you see fit...  no matter what. 

swinsto3

I smoked until I got pregnant. DH still smokes occasionally. His entire family (MIL, FIL, BIL, SMIL, etc) smokes or smoked (MIL quit when Ash was born). My mom smoked up until maybe 5 years ago. My brother still smokes.

Yes, I was addicted. I'm actually a little grateful that I was so sick while pregnant, because it made quitting easier - I couldn't think about smoking when just breathing clean air made me pukey. Quitting was hard - staying quit is harder. I miss it. I'll never be a smoker again, but I miss it. 

We had the conversation with MIL before Ash was born that if she wanted Ash to be in her house, smoking could not happen in it, and not just when we were there, but all the time. Ash has never and will never go to BIL's house - he smokes heavily inside, and has his MMJ license, so smokes that indoors as well. I just don't want her exposed to it. 

That being said, I think you're handling it well. As a smoker, you know that what you're doing is stupid and will hurt you eventually - I don't think your kids telling MIL that is a bad thing. Just keep reinforcing that it's not a good choice, and one that they shouldn't make. That's how we intend to handle it, especially since I can guarantee that FIL, BIL and all of DH's stepfamily will smoke forever.

Sunflower22

I think the best thing you can do is to educate. Of course kids W & G's age are much more concrete thinkers, so if you tell them that smoking can kill you (which it can, probably much more often than it won't) they will believe that smoking = death. 

I'd just continue to teach that it isn't a healthy habit, even if it's not going to kill you, and hopefully they'll take those lessons with them through life. 

Mrs.Greeko

My dad has always smoked.  My brothers and I do not.  Every time my dad stopped for cigarettes my mom would turn to us and tell us that he was spending $3 a pack of  cigs or whatever it was and that was every day, which added up to whatever, and wasn't that ridiculous?  She would also tell us that wasn't it annoying to hav to stop to get cigs so much?  Worked for me, I never tried it.  He worked the financial angle more than the sick angle, which is true for everyone, while the sick angle can be argued against...

tra_la_la

I smoked for about 4 years. Then after a long talk with DH I stopped. I still smoke when I drink, now it's usually a cigar instead or at house parties a hookah. I would never smoke around my kid(s) or anyone elses. My BIL smokes around his kids 1-2 packs a day. I worry that my nephews will try it and get addicted. The oldest is coming to an age where he is really starting to wonder what it's like. We try to reinforce how gross it is and how unhealthy it is. I worry mostly about all the 2 nd hand smoke but my BIL just ignore everyone including his kids when they say something to him.

howleyshell

Child of a smoker who's currently dying of lung cancer.

Frankly?  Being around a smoker in combination with the education that's out there made me certain I would never become one.

This may sound awful but I honestly think that if it's handled well that having a smoker in their lives can actually help ensure that they won't become smokers instead of encouraging them to try it.  

Kids are pretty simple.  Smoking smells bad and they know it.  They don't like hugging Grandpa right after he smokes and they make no bones about it.  Grandpa even tells them that it's a nasty habit and they should never start it.

I like the idea of the financial angle too.  Every kid has their own hot button and I think over time you'll find the message(s) that will resonate with your kids over time to help educate and dissuade them from smoking. 

By this time next year my Dad will be dead.  Probably wouldn't be happening (yet) if he hadn't become addicted to cigarettes.   Not sure how I'm going to explain it all to them yet but when they're older and understand cause and effect in regards to death you'd better believe that on the anniversary of his death every year when I'm sad I'll be reminding them that cigarettes killed Grandpa.

I'm a bit bitter about this subject, can you tell?