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When Bad Things Happen - How Do You Cope?
So my health has been deteriorating and I have to have surgery soon to get better. I have known this for awhile but I have been putting it off because I couldn't handle surgery on top of so much else going on. But I have to get it done because I keep getting sick and the doctors don't want to keep putting me on meds.
The problem is, I will need a ride after the surgery and some help for a few days after. I have lots of friends and even family here. But, none of them seem available for the days I need them (they don't want to miss school or work) or they are already guilt tripping me. I get frustrated because I always have and always will drop anything for those I love. I don't know why I don't get that type of support in return but I know it's just the reality of who people are. I know my bestest friends would be there for me but they all live in other states.
It's times like this I miss having a husband, a go-to person, someone I can rely on and who will always be there for me. My ex was always good at taking care of me when I was sick. But I know I am better off now, I just wish I had someone I could count on.
There is someone I have been casually dating who offered to do whatever it takes (we are primarily best friends so we are really close) but I don't want to take advantage of him since I don't usually rely on someone I am dating, even though we were friends first.
A co-worker of mine has offered to miss work and I think I may take up her offer. I'll just have to stay at my place alone though and hope I can manage the couple of days of recovery on my own. I am just afraid I will feel so alone and pathetic. I am strong and I am usually okay after surgeries but I am worried this time.
I guess this post is just a vent and acknowledgement of the challenges of life after divorce. Sorry guys.
Re: When Bad Things Happen - How Do You Cope?
Thanks guys. You are right (as usual). I think the reason I don't have go-to people is because I never allow myself to have them haha. I do hate relying on people and asking for favors. This post just made me realize that. I was completely over thinking who I should ask and rely on and who I shouldn't.
He is a great friend and I guess I worry about taking advantage of that or turning him off by asking for help (even though he has always offered). I also sort of was hoping my brother and his fiance would really be there for me and I feel better accepting help from family.
I know I need to start accepting the help people do offer, whether it be my dating buddy or my coworker and really focus on the people who are there for me rather than on the people I wish were there for me.
Maybe people always disappoint you because you never let them help? It's important to be able to accept help from those around you.
I agree with Kuus and UD, let your man friend help you out.
Also, feel better. Sorry you're going in for surgery. Healing vibes headed your way!
I agree.
About 6 months into my relationship with BF I got really sick and passed out on my way to a meeting and ended up in the ER. This was on a Friday. BF was supposed to leave for a rock climbing trip with the Boy Scouts he volunteers with. I felt bad asking, but I needed his help. He got one of the other adults who was going to lead the trip so he could meet me at the ER. He took care of me all weekend. It was the first time since my divorce that I let someone else care for me or see me in a weaker state. He recently told me that that was around when he realized he wanted to marry me one day. If someone wants to help ... and you NEED it (which you do here) ... you let them.
Where are you? I can do it!!!
We women have to stick together and help eachother out