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Moving Out
So, H and I have been trying to co-exist in the same house. It hasn't been working. I thought there was a set date for him to leave, but he keeps pushing it back. I can't keep doing this to myself, so I'm going to be the one to move. I understand mentally that I need to go, but emotionally, I don't seem to be in a place that quite gets it yet.
I have all of the support in the world from family and friends. I just am having such a hard time making the first step out the door. Can you please help me? This environment is so toxic that I can't take it anymore, but it's my home, and it has been for five years. Why is this so hard? I hate that I'm this weak.
In brighter news, I'm finally able to start therapy next week. That's how long I've had to wait... mental health services are at a real premium around here.
Re: Moving Out
Sorry I don't know your backstory but have you checked the legal ramifactions in regards to YOU being the one to move out? In some states it can be considered abandonment, etc. which could give your STBXH higher ground when fighting over assets.
Oh, and you are NOT weak. This has been your life for the past 5 years. If it were easy, then I would say there is something wrong with you!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Oops. Sorry. Backstory might be good. H has admitted to at least an emotional affair with a former coworker a few years ago. He was supposed to have continued no contact. Decided that I was being too controlling in requesting no contact and started texting her again -- upwards of 90 times a day. Phone is locked, computer is locked, so if I wanted to check to see what's going on, I can't. He also changed the password on the online phone account, so I can't see the text messages there, either.
When I ask if this is what he's willing to break up his marriage over, his answer is yes. He says I'm too controlling and that I have no right to request that he not contact this person with whom he had the affair, that she is his friend and I have no right to try to stop that. I've had several previous relationships end in infidelity, so I know where this is headed if I don't stop it now.
No worries on your backstory. I used to be a regular on here but then I got a new job and can't nest as much so I didn't know if I missed it.
Sorry about your cicumstances. XH cheated on me too so I know how you feel. Isn't if funny how cheaters like to attack you (stating you are controlling) when THEY are the ones doing something wrong?? SMH...
Anyway, I digress. Seriously, have you consulted a lawyer? I would HIGHLY recommend that you do so before you move out for reasons mentioned in my PP.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Definitely consult a lawyer first. As far as the emotional aspect goes, trust me, it might be better if you're the one to move. STBX left me no choice - he left us, so now I am stuck with a house and mortgage payment that are way more than I want or need, and all the memories of being here together. It sucks. If I could move from here, I would do it in a heartbeat.
Lawyer up before you move!!!
Also check out survivinginfidelity.com - - they might have some tips in helping you deal with the stress.