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boring vent - funerals and H's socially inappropriate family
FIL has cousins, he just chooses not to speak to them. I don't think he does so much as exchange x-mas cards with them, and I don't think he ever has. H has only ever met one of his cousins, and H didn't even know he was related until someone else figured it out and told him.
Obviously not a close family. There's some old family feud between fil and his sister - details are a bit sketchy, but it doesn't affect me at all.
FIL hasn't spoken to his sister in over a year and a half. And the only reason he spoke to her recently was because she was in the hospital. Again, not my problem.
Anyway, the sister died. H has traveled 1,500 miles to go to her funeral. H is the only one of his immediate family attending. Still totally fine with me. The rest of the family is not close to nor do they enjoy the sister. It'd be kinda weird if they did go.
FIL is calling his cousins and trading stories about what a horrid person his sister is. Fine, that's his way of dealing with whatever, and the cousin was more than willing to commiserate with fil. If somebody I really hated that much died, I would probably want to talk to people who share my opinions, too.
But now FIL is calling H and telling him all these stories! Like H needs or wants to hear how horrid she is while he's on the way to her funeral. FIL is going out of his way to find out mean things to say about his sister and then relaying the story to someone who is in their car driving to the funeral.
WTF fil? Could you pick a worse time to talk to H about how you don't like your sister? H obviously does not share your feelings, or he wouldn't be going WAY out of his way to attend her funeral. H has plenty of his own grief to deal with and doesn't need you talking smack about a woman that he cares for.
I would really like to call fil and tell him what an azzhat he's being, but it wouldn't make any difference.
Just when I think I'm prepared for H's family... they manage to shock me with their incredible inconsiderate-ness again.
Grrr.
Couldn't your stories have waited at least until H got home?
Re: boring vent - funerals and H's socially inappropriate family
He has stopped answering.
It just irks me that fil seems to think this is normal, appropriate, etc
My MIL is very much like that. Some people are just not wired right. They think it's totally acceptable behavior and my favorite is when they try to make your behavior or words the ones that are unacceptable.
Roll if off your shoulders. Luckily, you know better. Just be there for your dh and encourage him to stay positive and honor his memories of the aunt. Hopefly a time comes where your fil will be left standing there when everyone else ignores the behavior and he will look selfish and foolish.
Sounds like for FIL, it is all about him. Honestly - he can't allow his own son time to grieve his aunt or attend a funeral without making himself the center of attention?
I would say something like "when it's time for your funeral, I'll give you the respect to not bad-mouth you to others on their way. Please do the same today."
Seriously. How inappropriate. I hope your H can stop answering the calls and grieve how he needs to.