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uwhuskygirl
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
This has been eating me up for 2 weeks and I have to get it out (long)
*poof*
Thanks, ladies.
Re: This has been eating me up for 2 weeks and I have to get it out (long)
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i don't think you are.. i wouldn't want to go either. like i told you, i couldn't just up and leave my family and everything, so doing something like that wouldn't be worth it.
would he be just absolutely miserable here? is it possible for him to refuse and/or find another job?
i don't think you're being a azzwhipn and i don't want you to go.. so tell your h to try to stay here.. and it sucks, worrying won't change anything but i'm sure thats about all you can think of!
hugs! i think you need a cupcake!
i know it doesn't change how you're feeling.. but you need one anyway!
I wouldn't have to get a job, but I think I'd need one or else I'd go crazy.
I think he would be pretty miserable if he stayed here and his team progressed without him. He has a pretty specialized job, so it's hard for him to find a new job.
I think it would crush him if I told him that I didn't want to go. He promised that if we did go we could come home at least once a year and that we'd eventually come home for good. If he had to go, I would go, but it's definitely not something that I want.
cupcake =
You definitely need a cupcake!
I'm sorry UW. I don't think you're an azzwipe either. I think in your hypo question thread, we all answered we'd move because our careers aren't as awesome as yours
Considering you were just recruited into a new job that's a great fit and is going to advance your career even further, I think it's perfectly reasonable that you'd rather stay here. I can't imagine your H would be shocked to hear you don't want to leave that. I don't have any ideas or advice, but here's hoping he isn't asked to relocate!
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I'm sorry UW! That sucks and you are in no way an azzhat! It would be really hard to leave a job that you love when your career is going so well. It is also easy to say in theory that you would pick up and go somewhere to follow your H, but it is really hard to have it actually happen.
Does your new job have anything in London? Is there anything else you have ever wanted to try doing?
I agree with you on London, it is not my favorite. The only consolation is how close you are to travel around Europe with $50 flights and trains.
Saying all that, I hope you don't have to go!
Oh UW, I'm sorry! This is more than likely the cause of your nightmares. (And no, the content or theme doesn't have to make sense in relation to what you're dealing with.) I hate that you have to wait for an answer on this. Is there a ballpark timeframe for when a decision will be reached? There's nothing wrong with not wanting to give up your career, especially with this new job you're so excited about. Have you and your H talked about all of your possible options? Would he be willing to find another job so you can keep yours and you both stay here?
(((hugs))) Fingers crossed it works out soon.
New company is based in Seattle and doesn't have any international opportunities. There isn't really anything else that I want to do, because I really feel like I have my dream job now.
Cheap travel within Europe is alluring.
I know I'll have to tell him at some point, but he's so stressed out about it right now too. I don't want to keep piling it on him either. If it comes down to it and we have to go, I'll tell him, but I guess I'll just keep waiting for now. And yeah, it's kind of killing me right now. I'm not a crier, but every time I think about this and leaving I want to cry.
I'm sorry, that just sucks! Vent here anytime...
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He's going to hear some time before the end of March, or at least that's what they were told.
We've talked about everything and one of us is going to get shafted job wise. He's willing to stay and look for something else, but he pretty much has his dream job too. Anything else that he'd take here wouldn't be as fun or it'd be a step down for him.
ok, so I asked my H what he thought (if he was your H and I was you), he said there's no question he would stay. In his opinion (and mine) one of you loses a lot more if you leave, while if you stay, the least happy person still has a good job that's just not ideal. I can see how it seems like a choice between equal options, but I just don't think it is :-/
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Explain this to me. How is it not equal? Sorry, I didn't mean for that to come off snotty.
well, this is just how I understand the choices, you can correct me if I'm wrong.
Option A: entire life uprooted, move far away, one person gets dream job, other person has to find something they hope they like
Option B: stay where family/friends/life/etc are, one person has dream job, other person has a job they just don't care for.
I know it sounds harsh, but your H's life here isn't that bad. I get that for the immediate future he wouldn't have a dream job, but that's what the average person deals with from time to time IMO. I feel like having a dream job is everyone's goal, but it doesn't happen all the time and your happiness as a couple counts for something.
H and I have made a decision not to move to AK where we could save a TON of $ (the state would help pay part of his med school loans) because we wouldn't both be happy and I wouldn't have a job, period (this would happen in a couple years). I just think it counts for something to both like where you live. Does that make sense? I'm not saying London is a bad place (it shouldn't even be in the same paragraph as AK), but if you would be miserable then it's not worth him having a 'dream job' (would he enjoy his dream job knowing you were unhappy?).
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Missed the OP, but I get the general idea. Sorry you are going through this.
I can't image that DH would ever have an opportunity like this that would make sense for us to take, so it's hard to relate. But, hypothetically, if I could afford to not work and he could have a dream job and we could live somewhere really cool (London sounds really cool to me) and it was temporary (like a couple years max), I would totally do it! However, we want kids, so that wouldn't really work out for us. And if it were long-term, there is no way I would leave all my friends and family. But, if it were a short adventure, I think it sounds awesome.
Although, I do have friends who planned a short adventure and have gotten stuck far, far away for several years now. And if it meant giving up my career and not knowing if I could get it back later, that would suck. I'm not sure how old you are, but this would be an awesome adventure for a couple in their early to mid-20's. I'm not sure I'd be up for such a big change at this point in my life. Do you own a house/condo here? That's another big issue...
But, obviously for you it's not what you want and you are having nightmares, so you and DH have to talk about this and figure out what you can do that won't make both of you completely miserable. I hope you guys can figure something out!
I don't think he'd want to go if he knew I'd be unhappy, but I feel awful asking him to put my happiness above his. I know that he would, but this is the part where I feel like an azzhat.
Especially, since it's something that he's wanted for most of his adult life.
This is the part that really freaks me out. I've always been self sufficeinet and should anything to happen to me and H right now I know that I can take care of myself financially.
The thing that freaks me out is that if we go, more than likely, I can't work and then I'm 100% dependent on H for money. He would never hold it over my head, but if something happened to us while we were gone, I wouldn't be able to take care of myself.
I know that if it came down to it, my parents would pay for me to come home, but I don't want them to take that on.
Huh. So, I guess the thing that I'm most freaked out about is not being able to take care of myself if anything were to happen between me and H.
I guess I feel like it only works in the movies (to hide your feeling for his sake etc). I think it's so great that you want him to be happy, but I think it's unfair to him to not know how you truly feel. I don't think the average person could hide those feelings for the rest of their lives! Eventually he would figure it out or find out or whatever.
But honestly, things like this come down to you as a couple knowing what's best. What H and I would do might not be what you guys would do. But I don't think it's a good idea to pretend you're ok with something if you're not.
Plus, I just don't want you to leave
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That is an understandable thing to be nervous about. At least you are starting to understand what bothers you. I do think it is important to talk to your H. You can write down the pros and cons for yourself, him, and each other. I find this usually helps make the decision clear.
I get this. I'm a total control-freak, type-A, very independent woman. I would never want to need a man. Although, I think DH would love to be needed like that.
Maybe you need to sit down and talk to DH about this. Maybe if you talk it out, he can reassure you that you have nothing to worry about. Or, maybe you should start looking for jobs over there just in case. Maybe if there are some things for you to do, even if not your ideal job, it will help you not be so freaked out.
Although, if you do really move, make sure you leave some unemployed time or long weekends to enjoy Europe, travel, be lazy and sit at a cafe sipping espresso all morning (wait, you don't like coffee, do you?), shopping, whatever...