NYC (the girl, not the city)

Vinny2008

What happened with your meeting?  Did your uncle fu(k $hit up?

nyc artist

Hi!

Thank you for asking. I didn't want to come on here and whine about it, because I could write an essay, but...it did NOT go well.

We basically sat in the lawyer's office for around 4 hours fighting. My uncle wants "everything equal down to the penny". Apparently to him, getting a house each, and splitting buttload of cash between two kids is not equal. Because he thinks my mother's future house more valuable. SO he wants her to pay him the difference in cash for whatever extra her house is valued at. What's funny is for some reason this year the other house was valued as $4,000 higher than my mom's future house. (in which case, he would owe HER that money). But he doesn't WANT to go by current value. He wants my mom to appraise her house when my grandmother dies and then pay him the difference. My mom refuses to do that, so we got nowhere.

There is no trust. No updated will. Everything is right now in the air and up for grabs from the gov't should my grandmother get sick.

My charming uncle also brought up the money my grandmother gave my for my wedding about 20 times saying how my mom stole it out of her bank account. When my grandmother FINALLY stood up and said "It was a gift from ME!", he still goes "Your mother stole it". LOL. That's the kind of person we're dealing with. My grandmother took out her and my grandfather's wills, and said "I want to do what my husband's will says", and my uncle refused to agree to that and almost stormed out. Of course my grandmother stops in her tracks when he pulls that stuff. He is such an @sshole!

The lawyer at the end basically told us to leave. He said until my mom and him can talk civilly there is nothing he or any other lawyer can do.

 

buddhagouda

I'm still really confused why it matters what he thinks. Why can't the lawyer work directly with your grandmother?

 

wingedbride

That sucks.

But I guess at this point, your grandmother is legally considered competent to handle her own affairs right?

She needs to handle this shiit now. I don't see your mother and uncle coming to agreement. And really, your grandma, since she is alive, is the one who needs to make everything right on this. 

Vinny2008

Argh!  Your uncle is such an ass!  (not that this is news to you)

He's the one that chose to sell his house now.  At least your grandma stood up for something here.  Too bad she doesn't just put her foot down and end this whole thing now.  The fact that he refused to agree to operating under your grandpa's will is insane.  It isn't his place to decide.

I really hope you can separate yourself from this.  I know that you are trying to help your mother out, but it is clear your uncle is a totally unreasonable jackass and he isn't going to change.

boxerfan

Your uncle is an ass, but this situation is really 100% created by your Grandmother.  It's her damn money and house, and she needs to just do what she wants with it, and tell her son to shut up and be happy that he's getting anything from her.

nyc artist

Yeah it's gotten to the point of ridiculousness. I'm sure the lawyer was grossed out at all the ungratefulness. I just worry about how the stress is gonna affect my mom and grandmother, and me too.

I'm working on my grandmother now to try and get her to understand that she DOES have the power to fix these things. And that if her son is such a jerk that he's going to disown her for JUST leaving him a house and money, then he's not worth having a relationship with anyway.

We'll see if that gets through to her. In the meantime, I'm planning a little trip with my mom to get away from some of this drama. She and I both need a break.

 

nyc artist

P.S. What do you ladies advise about this?

So now I'm torn...do I keep trying to have a relationship with my aunt and cousins? I tried for a long time to keep the peace and even keep a relationship with my uncle. But after Tuesday, I am DONE with him. I am really hurt that my aunt chose not to come on Tuesday. She knew how important it was. I wonder if she knew what he had planned. I still love my aunt and cousins, but don't know if it's worth trying to keep a relationship with them when he is standing in the way. Thoughts?

FallinAgain

Sadly, I really think your mother needs to be making alternative plans for her future. Unless your grandmother grows a spine suddenly, this does not bode well for your mother. I don't think it's smart to rely on this house And money.

FallinAgain

Sadly, I really think your mother needs to be making alternative plans for her future. Unless your grandmother grows a spine suddenly, this does not bode well for your mother. I don't think it's smart to rely on this house And money.

_Fenton

My grandmother took out her and my grandfather's wills, and said "I want to do what my husband's will says", and my uncle refused to agree to that and almost stormed out.

What do you mean refuse to agree? Your grandma said what she wanted to do. WHY does this man have to agree to anything for it to be official?

nyc artist

_Fenton:

My grandmother took out her and my grandfather's wills, and said "I want to do what my husband's will says", and my uncle refused to agree to that and almost stormed out.

What do you mean refuse to agree? Your grandma said what she wanted to do. WHY does this man have to agree to anything for it to be official?

Because he's a manipulative mamma's boy and he knows that if he threatens to walk out on her, she will stop and obey. The rest of us just sat there with mouths gaping open at this audacity. I wish the lawyer at that point would have said that her word was enough and just went ahead with everything. Still confused as to why he didn't do that. Arg!

lindsayll

_Fenton:

My grandmother took out her and my grandfather's wills, and said "I want to do what my husband's will says", and my uncle refused to agree to that and almost stormed out.

What do you mean refuse to agree? Your grandma said what she wanted to do. WHY does this man have to agree to anything for it to be official?

Seriously.  I don't get it.  But then, I'm not familiar with the backstory.  As long as grandma is legally competent, why does your uncle have any say whatsoever? 

MixedBerryJam

Lurker piping up without knowing any backstory, but ... If your grandmother is competent, which I assume she is because she was with you and sounding appropriately responsive at this meeting, why doesn't she just have the lawyer draft the will, have it signed and witnessed and whatnot, and then permanently end the discussion for all time? If her son doesn't know exactly what's in it, would he really risk alienating her? Thereafter, if he opens the discussion, she shuts it down. A carefully (and professionally) crafted will is the greatest gift anyone can leave a loved one. None of you actually need to know what's in the will. 

Like I said, I don't actually know your story, so if I'm out of line, I apologize. And I'm very sorry your family is going through this.

jens_a_ten

I swear to God, I would walk out of a lawyer's office having given up every penny coming my way, rather than cause a scene like that and treat my own mother that way during her last years of life. Sh*t like this absolutely disgusts me.

ETA: I am irked in general by any kind of debate when it comes to wills. As if your parents owe you sh*t after they raised you - you don't get to have opinions about what they do with their own hard earned assets when they die. Holy crap this subject gets me going. 

noisy_penguin

I would encourage your grandmother to leave whatever else he thinks he has coming to him to a charity.

PeonyParty

noisy_penguin:

I would encourage your grandmother to leave whatever else he thinks he has coming to him to a charity.

This is exactly what I was thinking. I wonder how quickly he'd shut up and agree if she said she'd just go ahead and cut him from the will if he can't agree on her terms.

modb1rd

or me