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Intro: New to this board and just starting divorce...
I found out two weeks ago that my husband has been unfaithful. I kicked him out and he has been living in a hotel. We have been together 14 years, married for almost 8 and have a 2.5 year-old daughter. I left my career in April of last year to be a SAHM. I now feel like my whole life has been destroyed. I spend each day in a home we built together and it is overwhelmingly depressing. I cry pretty much all day, every day. I am trying to be strong for my daugther but I am having trouble keeping it together. I know that i need to put one foot in front of the other and keep going but I don't even know what direction to head in. I have never felt so lost before. I met with several divorce lawyers, and he has already hired one, but I just can't seem to make a decision. I think I am really struggling with the finality of it, though i know it is what needs to be done. I guess i am just venting and looking for some support. Are there any good books to read, or resources that I should be looking to for some help? I don't know anyone in my personal life that has gone through divorce and I just feel very alone and that no one really understands the hellish nightmare that is unfolding. Sorry for the long-winded post. Just needed to get some of it off my chest. Thanks for reading.
Re: Intro: New to this board and just starting divorce...
Hi and welcome. I'm sorry you've found yourself here. The women on this board are awesome and you will find great support.
It gets better. Really, it does. Are you in counseling yet? If not, I suggest getting yourself to a therapist to help cope with your feelings now and for co-parenting down the line. A lot of women suggest journaling your emotions. It helps to write them down and later you will look back at the progress you've made emotionally.
Regarding a lawyer, what's the issue with deciding? You want to be very comfortable with your attorney because you are going to have to tell this person very personal details of your life. Since you've made the decision to divorce, there's no point in holding off on filing. Once you bite the bullet, you might feel better.
Your life is not over. It might feel like it is from time to time (and all the time right now) but it's not. You have a beautiful daughter and a long life ahead of you. This is a bump in the road but you will not be defined by it. You're stronger than you think you are. Things will get better.
Check out http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/ too. I've heard it's a great resource and support.
Stick around.
Welcome! Everything you're feeling/thinking is normal, it sucks but it's normal.
A lot of us have gone through this as well and the main thing you'll hear is "it takes time" to get through this. I'd also recommend a good counselor and check out survivinginfidelity.com. There's a pretty amazing community on there and there's a lot of people going through the same thing so you feel less alone.
Take time for yourself and even if you have to put your focus on living minute to minute, that's okay. Slowly it will become hour to hour, then day to day and soon it's hardly there anymore.
I was completely broken when I found out about the affair and could hardly get out of bed for days. Thing is, that was over a year ago and although the road was long and hard, I am in such an amazing place now. I'm healthier and so are my kids and we've pulled together as a family.
((Hugs))
Thank you both. I haven't met with a therapist yet but know I desperately need one. I am crying to just about everyone right now and no one knows what to say to me. I devoted all my time to meeting attorneys over the past week and a half and now need to move on to therapists. I think the issue i am having with hiring a lawyer is I am so afraid to set the process in motion. I do not want a divorce - at all - but i know it is what I need to do. Despite his selfish and self-destructive behavior (there has also been drugs in recent years), I find I still love him. Add to that being petrified of what my future looks like, and I am finding it so hard to let go. I wish that there was a button i could push that would make me not love him any more. Plus, I hate that my daugther is going to have to shuttle back and forth between us - seems so unfair to her. I guess I still feel paralyzed with fear and hurt but know I need to get the process started. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened to you. A lot of us have dealt w/ unfaithful husbands.
Ditto PP that is will get better, you have to give it time and work in that time to heal by getting therapy and being good to yourself!
ditto
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com
and councellsiing
also sip water when you can, crying dehydrates.
Are you sleeping okay?
I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. It's so hard, and you're definitely in the most difficult part of it. I will just repeat what PPs have said: find a therapist as soon as you can and start meetings right away. You'll find that you feel so much better just by talking out your feelings.
Take the time that you need and put yourself and your daughter first.