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Could use a little help
Hey ladies, I lurk from time to time and I could use some help. My soon to be Ex is stationed at Kunsan AFB in S. Korea until November. Before he left things were tough between us, but we were working on things. He cheated on me and asked for a divorce at the beginning of the month. Please tell me if the orignal plan sounds legal. We were going to stay married on paper. He would set up an allotment to go to my checking account (previously we shared finances) on the first of every month that would include half of the BAH and half of the Family seperation pay. All other bills were handled and will come out of the right accounts. Financailly we have things seperated. I was planning on filing for divorce four months before he would be coming back so that the divorce would be final right about the time he would be getting back into the states. He emailed me yesterday telling me that he doesn't think that our agreement is legal and wants to file for divorce immediatly. I am fairly certain that there are other motives as to why he wants the divorce now versus waiting. I am planning on writing him a lengthy email telling him what is and isn't acceptable and what I expect since he is changing the terms of the agreement.
I am also wondering where I can find any pay info. I found the 2012 pay charts online, and I know what he other allowances he is currently getting since I do currenlty have access to his LES. I am wondering how I would find what his paycheck would look like once the divorce is final? I don't trust him to be honest with me and I want to make sure that I have all of the information necessary to protect myself. I am trying to keep lawyers out of this as much as possible. Any info you can give would be great. TIA
Re: Could use a little help
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Well, technically no, your first agreement isn't legal. If you were only going to stay married on paper so that he could still collect the benefits of having dependents, while dating other people, then no, that's not legal.
I agree with the others, get a lawyer. Whatever you do, make sure that in the divorce agreement you have it written how much he is going to give you per month. If you don't have anything in the divorce agreement, then you can't go to his command if he isn't giving you that money.
Staying married on paper for the purpose of collecting extra money and military benefits isn't legal. However, if a couple wants to do a trial separation with the hopes of getting back together (or just so they don't rush into a divorce), then it's fine. Also, some states have mandatory separation requirements before a divorce can be granted.
Also, it's a UCMJ violation to have an extramarital affair. So technically if you were still legally married and your (ex)husband has relations with someone else, it's a UCMJ violation. I'm not sure anyone would actually prosecute that, but it is a possibility. (Edited to add: sorry, this feels really insensitive to bring up....but it could be a reason that he wants to go ahead and make it legal).
I would recommend just making the divorce legal. As long as you're both sure it's what you want, there's really no reason to put off filing.
Someone correct me if I am wrong but while he is in Korea you have to wait to get a divorce. The service member relief act will stop that right?
He could use it as an excuse if he wanted but since he seems to be the initiator, I don't think there will be any issues.
He can waive the Service Member Relief Act if he wants to. He is the one initiating all of this. I am going to let him file and if there is anything I don't agree with I will just contest it and get legal advice as needed. He did have an affair and depending on how ugly he makes it will depend how ugly I make it for him. Thanks for the insight, I have a tendancy to allow my emotions to make decisions.
Thanks ladies for clearning that up